3 years out and heading the wrong direction

Just have to vent so sorry if this is too long!!  Well it has taken me over a year to have the nerve to jump back on here.  I was going along losing weight and enjoying the new me.  The losing slowed down just shy of a year and eventually I realized I needed to work my sleeve and began exercising HARD 4 times a week at a cross fit type boot camp and I found I loved it!  I felt so good, but unfortunately we relocated, moved 2 hours away, had to quit my job so I decided to finish my degree.  Now I am in school or on the computer working on school for most of the day and evening.  I still have restriction, but only for the "right" kind of foods, the junk goes right down and LOTS of it.  I have tried restarting my dieting and eating the right kind of foods, but nothing seems to be working.  I decided to see a local weight loss surgeon in the hopes that he can guide me as to what to do.  I do not regret my surgery for one minute, only the bad choices I have made.  I URGE all of you newbies to follow the diet closely and remember this is ONLY a tool not a cure all.  It seems I got caught up in the fact that the weight fell off without much effort and if I had made more of an effort I would not be in this predicament.  i started at 289, my lowest was 176 and today I am back to 200...lord I never wanted to see that 2 in the hundreds spot.  But I am trying to start over and work it again.

Coming back to the forum and your dr is the first step in the right direction. Be proud of yourself for taking that first step! I can't give advise as I'm pre-op but the vets will help get you back on track :)

I know it's hard to be in this spot, but the good news is that you are catching yourself now rather than waiting until you put on another 20-30-40 lbs. It will take hard work, but if you work your sleeve by focusing on those dense proteins first, you can get back on the weight loss path. 

Thanks for the great reminder that this is just a tool and that we have to remain vigilant. 

You are still a success in my view -congrats and I wish you the best as you re-focus. 

"The junk food goes right through, and lot's of it".    Seems like you know what the problem is so just fix it.

You have had a LOT on your plate my friend! 

* It seems I got caught up in the fact that the weight fell off without much effort and if I had made more of an effort I would not be in this predicament. *

I want to encourage you about the above statement - I know you *feel* like that is the truth, but its not a global truth.  Folks have lost everything they wanted and regained - so while its *helpful* to get it all gone as quickly as you can the first time around - its no guarantee of life-long success.  We are humans who tend to wear our lives on our bodies - and anything can happen.

So, what the hell is the encouraging part?  :}  Here it is - you have a reference point - you have an absolute understanding of the things that *do not work well for your body.*  Right?  I mean, you probably knew them before, but now you have a much more real, tangible example of what does not work well and WHY.  This, my beloved says, is what we call experience.  Its ****ty in the learning part - but if we can KEEP the knowledge and then set us up for making different choices when life squeezes us in the future? (and it sure as **** will, as long as we are breathing!) Then our lessons, doubly hard earned, may well have been the BEST thing that could have ultimately happened to us.

Ripping ourselves off the teat of processed nonfoods is a challenge.  Some of us can do things like "adding."  So instead of ripping ourselves off the habit, we add dense protein and before we eat any of the nonfoods - we jam protein in our faces.  Some of us need to do the "remove one nonfood at a time" route.  Some of us just need to clean out the house and start from cold turkey scratch.

However we do it, if we can understand that its going to be more of a challenge than starting from scratch from surgery (where we could only eat weentzy amounts, and maybe did not react well to indiscretions) and we are going to have days where we wish/want/long for being able to just "catch up" to where we SHOULD be - but those things are not real and are not helpful to dwell upon.

No shoulding all over yourself, my love.  For me, not thinking about foods being right or wrong, not making ME right or wrong, but asking me - what do I ULTIMATELY want ? more than ANYTHING else?  The answer to that is healthy, happy, whole.  And what do I really NEED, more than anything else?  I will not ever *need* a family sized bag of lime flavored tostitos :} - but I could use is protein, but what I *might need* is a big fat hug, or 5 minutes to myself without the world tugging on my sleeve!  Or perhaps a nice warm cup of something and a nap!

The right macros with food are helpful, but for so many of us, reasons we wear our lives on our bodies have much more to do with *just* the food that we eat.  The reasons we do things, even the most self destructive ones, are typically because we NEED SOMETHING.  Sometimes, we just need SOMEBODY to hear that we are tired and worn out and need someone to love on us while we just be still for a minute.  Sometimes the person we most desperately need to hear that is - well, its us.

*squeeze*  Dont try and catch up to where you were, but think on how you can just get back to needs and support yourself.  You have been superwoman and even superheros need a little bit of lovin and care, dontchaknow.

Be sweet to you this very day.

It's difficult to stay focused on yourself when the stress of life creeps back in post-VSG. You can skate on the honeymoon phase for a long time ... I think mine lasted 18 months, then I discovered slider foods. Pandora's Box. It's inevitable that our "old" life will come knocking on the door of our "new" life and, for me, the biggest challenge post-op is about being really diligent with myself about my true beliefs. We have a lot of other people's beliefs and expectations overlapping and undermining our own beliefs and it can be very difficult to parse which beliefs/values belong only to you, then to flush out everybody else's. It can be scary, too, because once you separate what's truly yours from the crap other people have laid on you, it's harder to gloss over taking responsibility for yourself, which can make you feel very alone and unconnected to other people. It's extremely uncomfortable. Once you get your true self back ... or once you get your true self for maybe the first time in your life ... it's liberating and empowering. The irony of life is that what we fear/avoid is what will ultimately set us free.

Post more OH family does help.  You have been given the tool, you know what to do and you can do it.  Just think of WHY you started this journey in the first place.  If your not taking enough time for yourself please do so.  Life does get busy and we forget sometimes what we should be doing, but you will get there.  Start from basic and just keep going.  NEVER GIVE UP!!

I am 1 1/2 years out , I lost fairly quick and stopped losing around the 1 year mark , I too am gaining . I know its the food choices and I know what to do , I started back to recording my food last week , I have gained 11 pounds in 6 months and I am trying to stop it and get it back off before its to late , to those of you out there , THIS IS A TOOL NOT A CURE ....food issues are still there , follow your plan so you don't have to do this . It is very depressing to lose what I already did once . Keep on trying , giving up is not an option I refuse to fail weight loss surgery . I promised myself to never see 170 again , and I have , it sucks !!

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I think anyone in my situation knows exactly the right things to do. The funny thing is that after surgery I never really wanted the junk and was suprised when I had no complications when I did eat it. So word to the newbies...NEVER try it! The complication comes much later with regain. Tomorrow I will see the wls to see what may be done to help. I never did reach a goal weight. I started over today pretending like I just had surgery, I know my sleeve still works and is not stretched (had it checked), so my new "surgery date" is 12/6/12 much sucess wished for you all!