Back where I belong

Hey everyone....it's been a very long time since I posted. I guess I thought I was doing so good that I didn't need OH anymore, that I could sail through this by myself.

Well....guess what. I do need the support because I can't sail through this by myself. I am 2 yrs and 3 months out currently. I did great the first 2 years, but the last 3 months has been a crazy mental struggle for me. I gained back 15 lbs of the 112 total that I lost. I have settled and found ALL the slider/comfort foods my body and tummy love!!! I have learned...WLS does NOT fix the problem, it only gives you a kick start to the weight loss.

Now I have found myself depressed and hating myself again over FOOD. I tell myself everyday.." This is the day I will do better...but I don't. SO today....I decided to start over where I started 2 years and 3 months ago....here on OH. I need support and I need help....

I am thinking of starting the 5 day Pouch Test.....does this sound like a good idea?

Thanks for listening! 

Bre

I found that the pouch test worked very well for me the one time I've utilized it.
I still battle cravings (I'm 8 mo out) - but that's because I've allowed myself free reign a few too many times - I battle, undoubtedly.
It's funny because I just said "I need a piece of candy!" but instead poured a glass of water and sat here waiting to feel better.

hey girlie! Its good to see your face,  sorry its not for the best of all reason - but hey - THIS is what they call experience yes?  :} 

YES!!

Some folks can do the 5 day pouch test with kindness towards themselves. 

FOR ME (just for me I am speaking) it is a return to food madness - to binging and restricting behaviors.  Its no good for me or my mental health.

If you are WILLING to do the 5 day thing, then might you be willing to make up a big batch of yummy protein with some veggie sides and then pack your feedings for the next day the night before and then feed yourself *necessary* and optimal food and save the snacky treats for another day?  (You only have to worry about the day you are in - tommorrow has troubles of its own!).

For me, not "over correcting" is part of my mental health regimen.   I have to PRACTICE not being overly excessive and then in response, overly restrictive, or try and exercise my way of out less than optimal choices.

Sanity!  Its part of my "healthy, happy, and whole" wellness plan.  :}

I find when I go back to eating real food and real food that ate real food :} then my "gimmie's" are gone in about 3 days.  When I am in the throes of the "gimmie's" then I just have to remind me - IT WONT BE LIKE THIS FOREVER!!  And remind  myself that out of control with food isnt where I want to be, and it might be uncomfortable, but its discomfort on the way to the light that IS the end of the tunnel - its not the train :}

Be sweet to you!  Learn about why you deviated from optimal foods and I can share the book that helped me learn to set myself up for success, if I havent said it to you eighty zillion times before :}

Be sweet!! 

Hi Brandilynn! Nice to see a familiar face! 

Thank you for the encouraging words. I am sitting here at work trying to keep it together. My eyes are filled with tears. I don't want to fail or be a failure. I don't want to be the one that WLS didnt work. I dont want to be WEAK. For GOD's Sake IT's FOOD. Why does it have this much control over our lives?? I guess this is how it feels to be a drug addict.....

I woke up feeling different today...I told myself that I deserve to be happy, I deserve to look and feel good. I deserve to wear cute clothes...etc. Now I just have to really believe those things.

I am open for ALL and any thing to get me out of this funk and back on the road to success. I need one step at a time right now....

honeypie!!  There is no failing  here!  There is learning where we need to put up guardrails a little higher, or make more strategy to keep us safe!  :} 

I probably have already said - there are some books I really like that tell you EXACTLY why we react the way we do to food -

The End of Overeating - by somebody Kessler, Food scientists CREATE foods to push our junkie gene.  When they say "bet you cant eat just one" its not a joke.   They have created frankenfood that makes us like the rats who would walk over sizzling electrified floors to get to the french fries and leave the cocaine and real food sitting in the corner.  No **** no joke. 

Anatomy of a Food Addiction - same as above, just shows why *some of us* are lured by some things more than others.  In some cultures food is used a drug and a cure because it CHANGES us.  it just does, its biology,  its science, its WHAT IT IS!!  Like all folks sensitive to some things, we need to learn to try and find a DIFFERENT self soother than the one of choice. 

Drug addicts,  folks  who drink, folks  who shop to excess, sex addicts, gamblers - all of us who have a yen for "space fillers/chemical changers" do what we do in response to triggers/feelings/situations/et cetera. It stops being a mystery to us when we look at our PATTERNS instead of our hands that we flung up to the sky in helplessness,  you know? 

Its going to be okay lilla camper!  Learn from this!  Like me and my marriage, my vow is no tear ever goes without being redeemed SOMEHOW!!  All things can help us learn and set us up for SUCCESS!!

http://books.google.com/books?id=Nl2bfrlGW4AC&lpg=PR1&ots=Fr kuEEWBTi&dq=%22thin%20commandments%22&pg=PR4#v=onepage&q&f=f alse

That is part of the BOOK - not just where to buy it, but the 10 Thin commandments is what it is.  I do not advocate the diet part in the back, but his llogic for strategizing how to have food in my life SOMETIMES that I, quite honestly, cannot handle in my life ALL THE TIME without *wearing it* :} 

So today, maybe JUST TODAY you go to the store  after you have had a good and filling snack and you stock up on some protein of choice, maybe some cheese, maybe some salsa!?  and come home and make that and eat it.  After you make good choices at the store, maybe you come home and you destroy the foods you have stashed that are not optimum choices?  Foods that push your junkie gene?  Maybe you even write down WHY that food *DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU*.

The food is just the food, no point in villifying it, but it does not work for YOU.  its not personal, its just a fact.

And looka here... MORE THAN YOU DESERVE CUTE CLOTHES, YOU DESERVE TO NOT ******G FLOG YOURSELF ABOUT FOOD CHOICES!!

I mean it.  You deserve optimum health.  OPTIMUM. 

Believing is great when you can grunt it up - but you can BEHAVE like those things are true whether you believe it or not. 

BEHAVIOR WILL BRING ABOUT THE BELIEF!!

When we 'say' *I am good enough, I am smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me" but I BEHAVE like I am not worth my time to move purposefully, feed optimally, then I AM A LIAR.  Not to anyone else, but to ME!!

I am worth my time when I am tired.  I am worth GOOD self care when I am sick. 

When I get my behavior in place, all the other "goodies" come with it.  But you did not slip into what you did not want because you forgot how many calories to eat, it was a behavior babygirl - do you see?

And here - YOU ARE BLESSED!!  You KNOW how to work this thing!  You have the MECHANICS down!!  All you need to do is the mechanics and THIS TIME you can spend all the mental energy changing your *mind* :} 

You have done this!  You are doing this!  *squeeze*

You deserve the time you spend taking care of you.  Your FAMILY deserves a you who is happy, healthy, whole, and present. 

*squeeze*

Belief is going to come - behavior is where the rubber meets the road babycakes.  

You. Can. Do. This. Thing.

You deserve your time and your effort.  *MORE SQUEEZING*

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/vsg/4305385/Do-you-recogni ze-danger-Do-you-stand-on-the-guard-rail/#37564011

Just some "guardrailian" thoughts that I bumped up for you girlie.  OH deactivated me for using too many words, but its me.  (*Chuckle* Oh really?  Does not sound like you B :} )

Brandilynn.....You rock!

Bre, I know the feeling. It's not as easy as our first year but we know what we have to do to make it right. Back to basics. Portion and plan and you'll be fine honey.

You have already received some outstanding advice.  My two cents are these.  Stop and give yourself a huge mental hug. You did a good thing, you caught yourself at 15 lbs, not 50 or more, your tool still works and when you go back to basics, you will lose weight again.  First, I would go back to lean protein and low carb veggies rather than the five day pouch thing.  I would eat as much as you want for a few days but of only really clean, low carb food.  Once the hunger settles, I would start keeping a journal of calories, protein and carbs and stay in the 800 calorie range.  That is the easy stuff, the harder stuff has to do with figuring out what happened.  You need to have a better understanding of what led to this gain.  Really take the time to analyze this issue, the better you understand it, the better strategies you will be able to put in place to prevent it from happening again.  This journey, to me, has been all about learning about my food issues and coming up with new behaviors and strategies, practicing these new strategies until they become a part of me.  This could be the most empowering part of the whole journey for you if you take the time to really learn from it.  There is no shame or guilt necessary, as a matter of fact, they are counterproductive.  The truth is that this is all about you learning to do you better.  In a way, it's a gift if you look at it the right way and use it correctly.  Good luck to you and to all of us and welcome back home.

Thank you Lina and Elina...and YES...Brandilynn MORE than ROCKS, she was my rock when I needed one the most. I came here today sad, broke down, and just plain down on myself. Though I am not where I need to be just yet, I do feel better...just by being here with you all. I knew I needed to come HOME!

I went on my lunch and bought a case of Premier Protein Shakes from Costco and some protein bars. After work, I will go to the grocery store and buy some things for my lunches for tommorrow and Friday. I will worry about later...later! One day at a time...maybe even one moment at a time.

I think I need to relax...and just soak up OH and all the support I can. I can't fix it all right now. I feel confident I made a huge step today. I came home.

Thank you to all of you....

HUGS

Maybe a dumb question but I'm still learning about stuff. What is the pouch test?