How did you explain your surgery to your young children?

I'm full of questions/concerns today so sorry for the multiple posts!

Not sure how to explain (or not) that Mommy is going away for surgery right around Christmas (12/21). I have 3 kids ages 6, 4, and 18 months. When I had my gall bladder out 3 1/2 years ago really there wasn't any explaining because they wouldn't have 'gotten it' anyway but now, with my 6 and 4 yr old - they will have lots of questions. Plus, they might tell everyone and their mother that Mommy is in the hospital or whatever (which I'd rather them not do).
I was going to say I was going on a business trip and came back 'sick' but that doesn't seem right either. Any suggestions? Or have been through this? Would love your feedback.

Thanks again - I love this forum.
Michelle

 My 2 1/2 year old didn't understand. I just showed him my huge bruise on my belly so that he'd know to not jump on Mommy's "owie."  I showed my almost 6 year old a video of how the sleeve works.  Not a surgery video but a diagram one.  I told him that they removed part of my stomach so I could eat less food to lose weight and be healthy.

I've always been of the mind that honesty is the best policy - that's why I've been very open about my surgery. That and I didn't want to lie to anyone asking me how I was losing the weight.

Of course with kids that young, honesty must be age appropriate, but why not Mommy has to go see a special doctor to have her tummy operated on (I assume you're not going to the local hospital from your post) and will be back XXX date? Then a little about the help/care Mommy will need when she gets home (just simple limitations that apply to them, like Mommy will be take time to heal and can't pick you up) so they know what to expect.

Congrats on the up coming surgery! Mine is the 16th and I too have a 7,4, and 16month old. I was up front with my seven year old but I told her that she didn't need to tell anyone, that if people ask... "mommy had stomach surgery" when a kid says that most people wont ask any further. The Only difference is im having my gall bladder out at the same time. So my girlfriend and I agreed to just tell people that. Technically Im not lying... It's touchy when they are this young, I still don't think she gets it!

My daughter is 3 and I had my surgery 3 weeks ago and I told her... Mommy is going out of town to have surgery to help her loose weight so sometime soon I can go down  the slide with her and she was ALL GAME for that and she now even will tell me come on momma lets excersise!!! she's a great support even when she dont know it!!!

Mine are 8 and 11. I told them the truth. We talked about why and being healthy and eating healthy (we had all been changing our habits for over a year, so it was kind of ongoing). I told them I needed a little more help than most people. My 8 year old asked if I would die. I was honest and told her that there was a VERY VERY VERY VERY small chance, but that I wasn't sick with anything else so that I would not die and Daddy would call as soon as I was fine. I talked to her about an hour after surgery.

I've actually loved sharing this journey with them. They tell me when my clothes are too big or they laugh when my sleeve sings. Last week, my son ran up to be after school and gave me a hug and then whispered... "omg mom... my arms go all the way around your waist". My daughter loves going through a restaurant menu with me and finding something we both might enjoy (she's really gotten into sharing food with me and trying different things).

Yours are smaller... just stay age appropriate and follow what you know about your kids.

I did not tell my kids the truth. They will be 8 and 11 in January and February.. and my big concern was that I didn't want them to ever feel like being fat is just so unacceptable that you have to risk your life to be skinny- or that I would think of them differently if they were overweight as adults. I think weight is a touchy subject and one that you really have to be careful with when it comes to kids. Saying the wrong thing can plant the seek to make them have issues with their own weight or self image.

We told them that daddy and I were going away for a couple of days. I got to come home the next day instead of two, so we told them we were cutting the trip short because I got sick while we were out. They didn't question it, and I never explained further. I ended up with a leak, and was very ill for about 3 months. They never asked anything further about what was going on... apparently, they weren't that interested. Now that I'm better, life is back to normal, and I've "dieted' for so long that they don't question the tiny portions of food I eat.

Good luck in whatever you decide! 

i have a five year old boy. i told him one day that i was going to be skinny one day and he said yeah right mom, your fat. we have been working on the 'name calling' for awhile now, but he has made it very clear that he loves me but does not like me being overweight. so i explained the surgery and then showed him a video of the procedure. he watched it over and over and every morning he tells me how excited he is that i will be medior (he cant say medium). alot of people say that showing a video is too much but he did just fine with it because i was able to answer all the technical questions he had seeing as i am in the medical field.

 
Sorry...not a parent....but I got a funny story I heard on OH when I first started.... I even think it's true....
I'm not gonna tell it right.... hope it comes across.....

So.... a mom tells the child..... daddies going in the hospital to have an operation to lose weight and get healthy......

The mom says, give your dad a hug before you go to bed tonight  because he will be gone before you wake up in the morning and he will have to spend the night in the hospital......

So the surgery goes fine and the kid comes home from school.....and is excited to see dad..... so the mom says.....go see your dad in the bedroom...he is resting......

The kid walks out of the bedroom......looking very sad......

The mom asks "Whats Wrong".......

The kid sadly tells his mom "It didn't work.....he didn't lose any weight"

frisco

 good one.

to the OP - My kids are 11 and 13. Be honest. Kids aren't stupid and they tend to fill in the blanks (with the wrong information usually). Ask them if they have any questions.

I told my kids I picked the best doctor with the best surgery rates for complications and I explained to them what I meant, i.e. my doc's complications rate is less than 1% - the national average is 4%. I didn't get into all the mortality rate stuff more than I had to.

I also compared it to another surgery (works if you've had one, but if you haven't you can compare it to an injury). I had a full hysterectomy in Oct 2010 and I was able to tell them that this surgery was safer than the hysterectomy.

I explained to them that years of making the wrong choices and eating because I was sad, mad, or just didn't want to feel instead of eating just to nourish my body made it so that I need some help losing and keeping the weight off. I listed all of the exercise and weight loss things I'd tried and failed at.

I told them that if I was worried AT ALL about the surgery, I wouldn't do it.

I let them ask me anything and I answered their question honestly. Their biggest question was did I think I would die. I told them no becuase I picked a doctor that had a zero mortality rate and both he and I didn't want me to be his first death.

Good luck.