Having a weight problem all your life and the way people treat you can be very disheartening.  Often times it makes you not love yourself as you should.  Sometimes the weight is a shield to the inner pain we face.  I know that losing the weight will not solve these problems I have with my identity or how I see myself. 

I was told by everyone going into this losing the weight isn't the hard part.  The hard part is the emotional part.  One of my biggest fears through this process is that when I get skinny I will realize at that point it wasn't the weight that was the problem the whole time.  What I mean by that is when you have been overweight most of your life you began to think everything bad revolves around your weight.  Example..... They didn't like me because of my weight.....I didn't get the promotion because of my weight......They are being mean to me because of my weight. I am assuming that at least one of these comments has affected at least one of us during our overweight times.  When you lose the weight you no longer have the overweight excuses to use to shield why someone treated you like that.  Some people wont like you anymore because you have lost the weight.  Others will start to like you because you have lost the weight.

The biggest question I have about all of this is.... For those who have reached their goals. How has this weight loss journey helped you find the you inside? Did you learn to love yourself when you reached your goal? Did you feel empty when you reached your goal and still feel like you haven't dealt with the problems you were facing inside?  Did you get angry because the people that wouldn't love you before love you now or want to be your friend?  Did you think about and struggle with the fact that someone didn't look deep inside to see the real beautiful you?  How does that affect your thought process feeling like you have all this attention?  Does it change the way you were before?  Does your personality change?

What did you guys do to overcome that and deal with these things on your journey?  It would be so helpful to see how others faced and dealt with theirs so maybe I can have mine figured out before my goal weight.   But how did you yourself turn that part around to where you are happy with yourself and are able to see yourself better then you ever have in the past?

I appreciate up front for your posts.  Thanks guys!!

I'm still pre-op, so I can't answer your questions, sorry.

However, as a "since birth" fat kid, I've always relied on my weight as kind of a crutch. A way to poke fun at myself, so that people would laugh with me instead of at me. Even at 28 years old, I always make fat jokes at my own expense. 

I plan to start seeing a therapist that has experience with those that have had weight loss surgery or at least have had significant weight loss. The mental part of all of this is what I think will be the most difficult for me.

Good luck with your journey.  I am 33 and I have always done the same thing.  I make fun of myself so that others wont get a chance too.  It is sad that we have had to endure that.  I am starting my 8th week tomorrow post op. Please keep me posted on your surgery.  I will be praying for you.

I hope that this journey will help both of us to grow and not do that to ourselves ever again.  I need to probably start seeing one too.  I worry about finding the right one though. SO many aren't very helpful.  I think for us to truly be happy we have to come to grips with this and learn to love ourselves no matter what. 

I have always told myself no one can love me if I don't learn to love myself as I should.  People can only love you as much as you love yourself.  So I hope especially with us being young that we can figure it out so that we aren't 50 thinking how do I deal with these feelings.

It's awful that you, me, and so many others have to endure this kind of thing. No one should make fun of themselves. 

I hope that you are able to get the support you need, either via forum, therapist, or both. 

*hugs to you dear*

Thanks Big Hugs to you as well!! Good luck and thanks again so much for your post. A year from now we definitely will have a lot of weight off and a lot to talk about for sure.  Hopefully by then we will have it figured out so we can just be happy and enjoy our moment.

I see this and would love to answer.

However, it is so emotionally charged for me, that I cant answer it this week.  I am under-the-gun at work and just thinking about your questions brings tears to my eyes!

I promise I will answer.

All, I can say, is that in some ways weight loss surgery has really helped with my identity but in other ways has redefined my friendships with friends (i.e. the revolved around eating alot). It also has made more apparent some negative aspects in my personality (i.e. a) vanity...b) liking compliments from men that aren't my husband (i.e. why would I care WHAT those guys think?)...c) MORE self doubt (I fear "losing it" and regaining the weight due to bad decisions for me to become obese again would fall amongst one of the most terrible things that could happen to me (or so I think))).

Wow...there is a lot to talk about here.

Good post!

I love to read your posts.  You are real and down to earth and I am very thankful for your post.  You definitely are an encouragement.  I think the more we can let others on here know what we face and think we can help them and each other overcome these things. And I can relate to a lot of things you talk about.

Good luck with your work!! I should be doing my college work now but my brain just wont get on work/read mode. So I will start it back tomorrow.

I am so proud of you!!  Thanks and I will be looking for your future post

I think there are demons to be dealt with for anyone who has a significant weight problem. Something along the way started this. There are people who just have bad eating habits or are lazy... but they are 40-50 pounds overweight not 100 or 200 pounds. Dealing with the demons is needed but that in itself doesn't make you lose the weight. I dealt with my 'stuff' years ago but the weight was still here. Didn't hate myself going into this, had a good life, and good friends... but knew my weight wasn't healthy and there were things I wasn't doing because of it.

I don't think you can have long term success without dealing with all aspects of life- mind, body and soul.

Thanks so much for your post!!

I absolutely agree with this.  I was in an unhealthy place (spiritually, emotionally) for years and until I cultivated the self-esteem and better self-image that I have now, wls is something I couldn't deal with. I'm coming into this knowing my body is awesome and that I'm pretty dang awesome and that I need help losing this excess weight. Op good for you for taking the steps you need to be successful!