Having serious second thoughts

I am a couple weeks  from RNY surgery and am having second thoughts on. The more I read of the complications, side effects and long term problems the more afraid I get.  If I am honest with myself and you guys, I haven't truly tried very hard to lose weight the traditional way. I tried diets but didn't stick to them very long, got gym membership and rarely went. I would feel like a world glass dummy if I go through with the surgery only to have serious complications. I'm leaning towards delaying surgery to see if I can lose on my own , really putting some effort into it. What do you guys think? 

One of the things with the surgery is you really need to be mentally prepared to do this. However, from the people I've talked to we all have moments before the surgery when we question our decision. I know I did. Why did you decide you needed the surgery? The majority of people really don't have complications. You see people posting with problems but that isn't representative of the majority of RNY patients. Most of us don't have problems. I've actually had one problem in 18 months! I have an incisional hernia. Which is not necessarily a bad thing! It means the insurance will pay for the corrective surgery whi*****ludes a tummy tuck!

However, if you don't feel you are ready and want to make a serious effort at losing weight that is an option and totally your choice. Personally, for me, I looked into RNY surgery about 11 years ago and said no I can lose weight without the surgery and I did. But I didn't keep it off. Honestly, I wish I had done it 11 years ago, but I wasn't ready and until you are really, really ready and committed you might want to look into other options. You can always come back and start the process over again and get the surgery done!

Good luck with whatever decision you make!

WLS is the last house on the block.  For me it was because I was out of options.  I was 44 and obese since my teens.  Weigh****chers at 13, diet pills at 14 (my mom took me to her diet doctor).  Lost and gained 100 lbs more times then I could count.  never hit morbid obesity until right before my surgery, mainly because I was always going up and down, each time losing more and more of my "willpower" or ability to control my eating.  I could do it myself and did many, many times.  But what I couldn't do myself was keep it off for any length of time.  I am not lying when I say that this is the longest I have ever gone in my life at the same size.  I don't think I was ever the same size from one year to the next.   I never wore out an outfit, always outgrew them.

So, by the time I had WLS I knew without a doubt that it was my only available option to not just lose the weight but keep it off.  And yet I managed to fail that, too, mainly because I didn't address my eating issues.  I tried to fix my overeating problems with a physical change and I needed to make mental changes as well.  Because I didn't take care of myself I wound up very sick and still fat, no benefit at all from WLS and regretting that I ever went through with it.  In my quest to regain my health I had a revision and decided at that point that if I was going to have to live with my altered anatomy for the rest of my life I better make the best of it and utilize it the way it is meant to be used, as a tool to help me eat less, nothing more, nothing less.  

Would I advise anyone else who is morbidly obese to have WLS?  No, because I feel that if there is any other way to deal with it then do whatever it takes because surgery should be the last resort.  It is permanent and life altering, basically mutilating your body to behave in the way it could not without intervention.  WLS can be trading one set of  problems for a whole new set of problems such as malabsorption, food intolerances, reactive hypoglycemia and other issues.  Plus risking adding those problems and remaining, or returning to obesity or morbid obesity.  It is nothing to be taken lightly and if you have any  misgivings at all about your need for this drastic step or ability to manage your obesity without doing it then by all means do not have WLS.  I'm not saying you should never have any doubts at all.  We all do, even the most certain.  But if your doubts outweigh your confidence in what you are about to do then put it off or cancel it altogether until or unless you are sure because it is a hell of a lot easier to back out of WLS then it is to undo it.  It's kind of like marriage or having a child.  It is a big commitment and it should not be undertaken without reservation because it is a lot easier to get into then it is to get out of.

Love your "last house on the block" statement. It fits in perfectly with how we feel when we have surgery as a last resort and it explains it so well. Thanks for posting.

Jen 12 yrs post op RNY

You are pretty far out compared to others I have talked to. May I ask how our life has been since your surgery? Any problems? 

Thanks, Tammy

I absolutely agree.  It is a mental battle with your past history.  With or without surgery you are going to have to change your attachment to food and a cure all to your happy days and your sad periods.  Get into counseling and figure it out then see a dietitian.  

I think with weight loss, you almost have to "hit bottom" as with many other addictive behaviors.  Everyone has their own personal bottom and you may not have hit yours.  For me, it was being in a supervised weight loss program, losing 100 lbs and then gaining it back plus extra, all while in the supervised program for about 5 years.  I realized a couple of things:  I could indeed lose weight successfully and I was just throwing money down the drain.

You owe it to yourself to investigate all of your avenues and if you're feeling unsure of the surgery, then you may want to postpone it.  You're going to be making a pretty drastic life change and if you're not 100% behind it, you may not have the success you're looking for.  You may be one of the lucky folks who can lose weight and keep it off through diet and exercise alone!  :D  I found by going through the supervised diet is that not having bread or cookies or whatever didn't kill me.  I found out I can not go to Burger King and do just fine. 

Take a deep breath, take a step back, look at your options, think about what you really want and how you plan to go about getting it.  Surgery will always be there.  :D

Jen

Also you might try a 2 week preop liquid diet like the one in my program. That might help you decide if you can stick to a program.

On the subject of complications...I have some but I am working thru them. My decision was easy. I had several fat related health issues. 

Just my 2 cents.

Good Luck to you.

If you haven't really tried and put effort into losing weight without surgery, then I would try that first, for sure.  I'm surprised your surgeon was willing to operate on someone that hadn't really tried losing weight another way first.

yikes! Surgery in 4 days. The waiting is terrible. Deep thoughts going through my head. The hours and days are slow to pass. The nights.... oh the nights..... I hope this is the right decision. I hope my life gets better not worse.