Friendships after surgery..

Has anyone experienced changes within their friendships after having their RNY and losing weight? I have always been the biggest out of all of my friends.. And now they seem bothered by the fact that I am losing weight.  I have a few friends that have made comments when they see me, like, "Oh, you are going to be smaller then me in a few months!," (begrudgingly) or "Oh, we will both look hot next summer if I diet and exercise with you" etc, etc.. Even though I tell them constantly that I did this for my health, NOT vanity. I do not want to die within 10-20 years from all of the health issues caused from/by being obese..  It just seems like they have to make it a competition, and it frustrates me to no end as this is not a race.. Almost to the point where I am ready to cut all contact.. : /   

Sounds like they might be experiencing some jealousy. It is quite common as I understand. I am also experiencing this with my family members who are almost all obese.  For the most part they are happy for me. My sister in law desperately wants the surgery but was denied by her insurance and can't afford self pay.  She has flat out told me she is keeping her distance because she is envious of me and wants to work through it so as not to say anything cruel or act negatively towards me. I love her and know that she loves me too. It may just take them some time to do what my SIL is doing and work through their own issues and realize that you taking control of your health is not something for them to be resentful about or that it's not a competition.  My sisters have all started working on their health too. I was the largest daughter and now I am close to their weights. Best thing to do is just keep on following your plan and doing what you need to do for your health. Best wishes on your journey.

Pped I had my surgery almost 4 wks ago. I have a friend that I used to spend a couple of evenings a week with since my boyfriend works 3rd shift. We didn't do much, jus****ched some movies. She tried talking me out of the surgery before hand, but like you, I had many medical issues at that time. She hasn't invited me over since a week before my surgery. She has also stopped almost all communication with me. When I ask her about getting together, she always has an excuse. She was a larger size than I was to begin with and I feel like she is a little jealous of the weight I am losing. I really don't understand how she thinks I will change that much. I don't talk about my surgery or progress unless someone asks directly. I am still me! I have just decided to give it some time. I am thinking...if they can't be nice, better not to be around them

If they're really good friends maybe you can sit them down and talk to them about how this is making you feel. Depending on how they respond, you can weed out the good friends to the not so good. No reason on keeping people around who make you feel bad.

I didn't have that experience.  I've heard some other people say similar things, though.

Thank you all. I just am dumbfounded as some of these "friends" have been friends for 15 plus years.. There are other issues as well, but this was one that I did not expect...

People can say some really dumb things. I've heard some pretty horrible thing mentioned on OH but I didn't find the comments that you mentioned very offensive.

I wondered for a while why a close family member never commented that I looked great or told me how well I was doing etc. Then I thought about it. When we were together people would look at her and say "doesn't she look great" -I think it was making her feel bad - Like I looked great but she didn't.  Sometimes it's not about us it's about how they feel about themselves too.

The visual difference stares us in the face and others may not be thinking about the fact that you did this for your health.

Maybe they are amazed at how good you look and want to be hot like you and are inspired to lose...?

.

 

Not with friends but I actually have one family member that has kinda ignored me. She is obese too. I had a family group message on FB that I would update ever so often about how much I have lost and she just up and left the group after the second post. Everyone else in the family were encouraging me. She just left. She has not been ugly to me or anything but I just know she is a little jealous by her lack of support and lack of curiosity. It makes me sad. I am sure she does not want to be the biggest girl in the family and that hurts. I know how she feels. I was the biggest in the family most of my life. Now it will be her. Not that my family will ever say that or love anyone any less for being fat but regardless wen you are the biggest it bothers you and you always feel like the one sticking out at every function and in every family picture. 

I am hoping to talk her into doing this surgery eventually. 

This really hits home for me right now. I think I am losing my best friend in part because of my RNY, and I am so unsure how to proceed with her. She and I were struggling single moms together, we are both big girls, we both had crappy paying jobs, both had histories of depression, but we're both big goofballs too..this woman is more like my sister than my actual sisters!! We have had some pretty funny adventures in the 7 years we've been best buddies. We were like Lucy and Ethel.
Her life has gotten harder in the last 4 years, and mine has gotten better-largely due to her helping me out when I was at my very lowest-also 4 years ago. I HATE that she is having a hard time and at times I feel so guilty for being happy now, having a great hubby, being more financially secure-and now I weigh less than her. I think that was the proverbial straw for her. I'm struggling with feelings of guilt when it comes to her. She did SO much for my kids and me, I don't think I can ever fully repay her, and I am so worried she thinks I've left her behind. Her potentially feeling hurt is the only thing that makes me kind of regret having the surgery.

Is there something you could do at this point to help her out like she helped you? Spend time with her, call her, let her know she matters in your life.