Anyone Have Trouble With Getting More Attention?

I'm down a little over 40 pounds and although I still have a ways to go, I'm starting to look a lot better.  As usual, once I start slimming down, I get a lot of compliments and attention from men.  It's one of the things that has caused me problems in the past.  In my first marriage, there were a lot of things missing and I was always afraid I wouldn't be able to handle the temptation of flirtatious men coming on to me.  Although I'm much happier in my second marriage, there was a man who I know finds me attractive and he was so flattering the other day that I started to get that scared feeling again that I would like it too much and get off on it.  Anyone else struggle with this and any advice?  Thanks.

Enjoy it. There's nothing wrong with accepting a compliment graciously. And you may get a lot of them. If you're scared you'll be tempted away from your hubby(? Doesn't sound like it) make sure you focus on spending more time together reinforcing your bond.

I hated male attention, but eventually I got became better at smiling and saying 'thanks' happily. You'll get practice, no worries.

Thanks.  I had a lot more trouble letting it go to my head when I was younger or more unhappy.  I'm hoping I'm older and wiser enough to put it into perspective and just accept the attention, without wanting it expand on it or fixate on it.

Why does it make you feel scared? That to me would be the bigger question. Having someone flirt with you shouldnt be a scary thing. If someone flirting is all it takes for you to "get off on it" then you might want to see a therapist.

I used to bother me, but you get used to it as the people around you get used to the smaller you. Also remember just because someone flirts doesnt always mean they want in your pants, at that is how it is here in the south. Flirting is just how people interact. Now for me, if it happens, I dont flirt back and give the impression that the flirting is welcome or that there is a cause for something more. I love my husband and would never cheat on him, unless we are divorced.

 

i could never cheat either, even when I was unhappy in my first marriage.  I couldn't live with the guilt of hurting someone that much.  But I know alot of women who use extra weight to protect themselves from temptation and attention.  When I speak with women, it seems women who had loving, present fathers seem to have it a lot more in control than women, like me, who had absent fathers and seem to crave attention from men more than most.  I HAVE been in therapy and learned a lot, but it still is sometimes a struggle to know just because someone is letting me know they find me attractive, it doesn't mean they really care.  I'm not talking as much about "flirting," which we all can do, but men actually letting me know they'd like to take it further. 

I think interraction with men is all in how you carry yourself.   I don't invite the sort of comments from men about "taking it further" and quite honestly don't feel a *need* for male affirmation of myself.   I know that some men find me attractive (because I'm a hot 50 something LOL) but I am in a very happy and fulfilled relationship so don't flirt or let on that I am emotionally or sexually available because I am most certainly NOT!

It's important to learn to love and respect yourself and if you feel you are giving off a vibe that invites unwanted attention, then I really think that further therapy is the answer.

We teach people how to treat us!

I think I understand a little.My worries are a tiny different. All throughout me teens I was 5'10 125lbs and not ugly. I was living my life with vanity, getting by on my looks, getting anything I wanted really. I was borderline shallow and a bit judgmental of overweight people. Then, boom, in a matter of 1 year I gain 80 pounds and my metabolism shuts down, thanks PCOS and a reckless lifestyle. I've avoided mens advances ever since. Just feeling so unattractive that I don't want this body, why would they? I often pray that when I do lose this weight that the vain me that I lost at 19 stays away. I know the compliments are going to come. But the advances are another thing. I'm single but not ready to date for fear I'll make just as bad of decisions as I did in my earlier skinny days.

I can relate to what you're saying, but I agree that we do mature and I'm sure you won't be the same now as you were much younger.  I know with my case, the attention fills a vacuum that's still there, despite a loving relationship with my husband, and it's just something I have to resist.  I've always been a "fantasy" addict and that's what needs to change.  Good luck with your weight loss.

I totally get the fantasy part.

If you wouldn't cheat, why are you afraid you'll like the attention too much?  What would happen if you liked it?