Spouses and Weight loss. What to do when you change and they don't?

Just spilling a little of my guts here. This was a problem I didn't expect to encounter after I lost weight, but I did BIG time and here is what happened:

 Our spouses struggle with their weight also and sometimes they feel left out of the weight loss journey or choose not to be a part of it. My husband was a big man 385 at his highest.After I had RNY  I lost the weight, he gained more. It was a sad cycle to see him pack on the pounds. He refused any weight loss advise, help, support or anything for several years after I had RNY.

 

He lived a sedentary lifestyle. He sat all day at work and sat all night at home. Never more activity than walking around the house. He HATED to go anywhere, out to eat, any social event, even over to our families house. He just wanted to stay home, all of the time.

I on the other hand was ready to live! I wanted to soak up this life and enjoy my family and friends. So I started going without him, I would go to eat, parties, family events....he would stay home on the couch feeling sorry for himself and getting angry at me for leaving him home. SO this brought tension between us and we started to argue about it all of the time.

I told him one day in all the honesty I could muster, that I refuse to live my life on this couch any more, I will not sit here sedentary, while my life passes me by. I said I want you to join me and live this life with me because I love you, but If you choose to continue to live of this couch, I can not be a part of it. That hurt, he cried, I felt awful.....but I realized once I said it, how much I meant it! I was at a cross roads and was ready to leave if he did not change. I had loved him for 10 years...it was really difficult to think about the choice I was making.

I was free from 130 pounds that had held me down since I was a child and I was ready to get out in the world and live! But the man I loved, was not. He was content, sitting in front of the tv, not socializing, not moving, just waiting to die...at least that's how I seen it.

I went through my options: leave him, or work with him. I decided to work with him and give our life together a well deserved shot.

I asked him one day in late July of 2011 if he would do one favor for me, attend one, just one Weigh****chers meeting. I told him how much I loved him and that we would face this obstacle the way we did everything else, together. He agreed to go and after the first meeting, he began to change. One vegetable, one work out tape at a time he changed.

As of last weeks meeting, he has lost 140 pounds. We don't live on our couch any more we go places!  We go to parties, dinner, out with friends, over to visit family. He is happy again and our lives are so much better. Our marriage survived. Thank God!  

He never thought in a million years that he would be eating every vegetable under the sun and liking it! Or walking the trail in the afternoons instead of hitting up Sonic Happy hour for a $1 cheese burger and a coke.

It has not always been easy to support him, and sometimes I felt like more of a baby sitter than a support, but it has been well worth the effort.

WOW! You saved his life and your marriage! That is wonderful that you did this and worked with him. I bet he feels so much better, confident, and ALIVE. You are an inspiration to us all.

Beautiful story of love and support with a great happy ending!

what a wonderful ending for you and your husband! As for me, I was on the other end.  My husband was 175lbs when we married.  He has been and still is very active, runs marathons and goes to the gym faithfully.  I was the fat, sedentary person in the relationship who did not want to socialize with his friends.  I know he is holding back but I can tell that he is excited about our future now that I have had surgery.  We plan to run a 5k together on Valentine's day which will be our 11th wedding anniversary.  I now understand that two healthy people= a healthy marriage!

Thank you for sharing!  I'm glad your DH listened and gave it a try.  Kudos to both of you on the weight loss and working hard to save your marriage.

That is simply wonderful.

I am in the same situation only a LOT older and a LOT longer together.  I am hoping that when he starts to see me dropping the pounds that he will start eating healthier and drop some of his weight, as well.  He comes from a family full of really bad diabetics and now he has it too, but is controlled by oral meds, so far.

Thanks for being transparent!  Congrats to you and your husband!!!

Your story made me cry. Not sad tears, but happy ones. I'm so happy that it all worked out at the end. I could see how hard it must've been to speak up. You are very courageous & so is your husband for going and taking that first step. Very inspirational!

What an amazing story. Thanks for sharing it so openly. Tell you husband congrats on his weight loss!

What a wonderful story.

I'm trying to earn my way out of a bad marriage but I did try.  I am so happy that it worked out for you and thank you so much for sharing!