Ok so i post on here sometimes but I mostly prowl the board. I have noticed that there are times when compassion is lacking in the responses. I realize this is a public board and that there is freedom of speach but why do we have to be so mean? I read a post were everyone was pretty much jumping all over the poster because they seem to be negative all the time which seemed a little hypocritical since the response was very negative. I think that when responding to post we need to remember that A) we all were pre op once B) We were newbies once and C) we all react to situations differently what may not seem like a reason to freak for you may put me in the psych ward.
CANT WE ALL JUST GET ALONG

on the same note, what was intended to be a gentle, helpful post is sometimes taken as a full out attack...it works both ways.  most people don't intend to attack, but some people are just more blunt than others and some like the soft shoe approach...how is anyone to know?  They can't.  Take it all with a grain of salt.

very true. I have pretty thick skin myself so I use that as a gauge. I guess I feel if it is abrasive to me then it is pretty bad. Just voiceing an opinion not trying to call anyone out or anything it all good 

There are two things I can do

Lie and blow rainbows up people's butts

Or tell it like it is.

There are two things that the reader can do:

They can take my words as coming from a place of compassion, and yeah, soemtimes tough love,

or they can decide I'm a *****

THEIR decision.... YOUR decision about the intent behind a post does not change the INTENT behind a post.

I try to be helpful, I try to be tactful and kind, and I like to believe that people see the kindness in what I write. But a couple of things go on..... Some people will see negativety wherever they want..... so they see it in my kind, wrarm-hearted, compassionate, and hopefully helpful responses (even when they do have a bit of tough love in them)...... AND .... sometimes I'm not at my top form, i'm in pain, I'm exhausted, I have a message I want to get through to the person but only a short time and I'd rather them get the message raw, unthought out, than not at all. I'm not perfect either. I have a different frame of reference than a lot of people.

My suggestion...... take the responses as ALWAYS positive, and know that "they mean their best"..... and you'll have a much more pleasant experience, then if you try to censor everyone and expect them to post in a style that suits only YOU.

It's like the supermarket, nobody forces you to take home the pigs-feet or the cow-intestines..... or the sweet treats.... you go there, get what you WANT/NEED and leave the rest. Same for a message board.

We'll all get along MUCH BETTER when forum nazis don't go around telling me how to post.

If I came across as a nazi I am truly sorry I have read many of your post and can not say that any of the ones I have read have not been informative

hugs for ya

I get triggered (and that is MY issue to deal with, not anyone else's) when people want to say how others should post.

I think that sometimes, when a person is feeling particularly fragile, it helps to post that in the thread..... for example "I ate donuts, and I know I shouldn't have, but I just had to put my dog down, and I'm really feeling fragile, and so please, skip the finger wagging"...... I've seen very few people slap that kind of post down. But if a person posts "I ate some donuts" ONLY, they're likely to get a few examples of tough love. What's the difference? Why is one person getting tough love acceptable and the other not? Well.... when we communicate what we NEED from a post IN the post, and share cir****tances, then only a heartless person will get all preachy. But communication is vital. And if we DIDN'T point out the problems with donuts to the person who just said they ate donuts (and only said that) then we condone the action. It is NOT all right to just pat someone on the hand when they've done something that is potentially stupid and/or life-threatening. We aren't good friends when we tell someone exhibiting destructive behavior that "there there, it'll be okay"

I try to draw the line between the two behavior... but my way of posting is not everyone's way. And what works for me and what people can take from me, they might not take the same information from someone else.

The best BEST plan is to just accept that some people ARE jerks, MOST people care, and so they probably meant it to come out as supportive evven when it isn't sounding that way.

The real true looney toons meanies who do VISIT our board from time to time..... they are worthy of the block button.



 

Are you talking about the RNY board?  I admit I haven't been on a lot lately because I've been busy but this is one of the nicest board on OH.  Have you been on the main board?  They can be brutal over there.  There are some boards where name calling is very common.  I don't want to tell you the names but while some are amusing it still isn't nice.
I have had a few moments where I haven't been my best and to tell you the truth I don't suffer fools well but I try to be helpful and supportive when the situation warrants.  I have seen some really innocuous suggestions that were responded to harshly.  The person took what the poster said totally wrong and became extremely defensive and sometimes even nasty.
Unfortunately you can tell intent on a message board.  Physical cues and facial expressions are absent and that can cause people to completely misread a persons message.
Compassion is good.  So is being direct when needed.  Hopefully it can be done with compassion.

 Yes, the main board can be rough...lol  I noticed that too.  I'm all for being pleasant with newbies considering I'm pretty new too! :)

*Sigh*.

Here we are again, at the SAME topic.  Not trying to offend you Hope, but did you see this thread a day or two ago:

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/rny/4377107/dumb-questions /page,1/action,replies/topic_id,4377107/

Might want to take a look.  This seems to be a re-curring complaint on this board and for the life of me I just can't figure it out.  Are us postops REALLY that mean?  I'm just not seeing it I guess.

Anywho, that's just me.  I'm getting tired of being chastised about how/what to post.  Maybe I need to take an OH break, idk.

Good luck on your journey, Hope.         =)

No I didnt sorry if I had I would not have posted this one. No offense taken.