Why don't we get support from family and friends?

Hi,

I had weight loss surgery when I was 63 and I am now 65 .  I have been sleeved of 2 1/2 years.  I lost 105 pounds on my journey. So I do know a little about what I am going to say.  I have done what you want to do or have already done.

So I have been thinking about this.  WHY do so many of our friends not say Yay! or I am happy for you? 

1. They know NOTHING about weight loss surgery let alone when we say we are have the "sleeve" done?

2.  They have not heard of any positive things about WLS.

3.  They are scared for us because we are having some kind of surgery they no nothing about.

4.  They think we are having gastric bypass (we know it isn't but they don't) and they have heard nothing but bad thing when it comes to this surgery.  Dumping, malnutrition, people gaining weight back again, because they have stretched out their pouch.

5.  The are sure we are going to die during the surgery.

6.  They have never had a weight problem in their life.

7.  They view this as the easy way out--it take more courage to have this surgery than to do nothing at all, but they beleive it is the easy way out. 

8.  How will you stop losing weight. 

9.  Is this healthy--they are sure it isn't.

10.  It cost too much money and you will never keep the weight off and WHY if you are over 60 would you want to do this to yourself?

So those are the top ten reason I can think of that the people are thinking all these things.  I think if we are willing to talk more about it to them "AFTER" we have had the surgery and explain things to them--I say educate the uneducated friends that we have, they may be more willing to listen. There are so many people that just can't image that we would have surgery to lose weight, so they really have to see with their own eyes that you are OK and healthy and this is working for you.  I know you want their support, but honestly sometimes it is just not going to happen.

This isn't something that we just woke up one morning and said hey I think I will have someone remove 80% of my stomach and then I will solve all my weight issues.  We thought about this for a long time, we did some research, we checked with other people and joined web sites to educated ourselves.

So, don't let the uneducated people in your life stop you from doing what you know is right for you.

If you had a tooth ache you would go see a dentist to get it fixed--and they would think that is the right thing to do.  We have an addiction to food and an emotional connection to food.  What is wrong with going and getting the help we need to stop our addiction.  This is our tool that we are going to use to accomplish the weight loss with.

It isn't a magical cure by any means.  It takes time, work and effort on our part to become successful.  A little support along the way also helps a heap!

Finding the right doctor to trust our life with and one who is highly skilled in the field of WLS is the next step.  For me that was Dr. Aceves, and I can't say enough kind words about him and his skills and he GREAT staff and wonderful hospital. 

I knew at 63 if I was going to take this giant step, it had to be with someone that I trusted and that had done a lot of these with no complications and was a skilled surgeon. 

So when the next person you talk to rolls their eyes around because you are over 60 and going to have weight loss surgery, please just have some patients with them.  The are very UNEDUCATED.  We will work at educating them and letting them know that this really isn't about them at all.  It is ALL about you and you have earned and deserved the right to have this surgery.

You will be making a lifestyle change and not be on a diet any more.  You are going to put yourself first, for the first time in a long time.  I want you to feel good about what you are doing because it is going to be a life changing event that is going to be so fabulous.  Someone is going to call your "skinny" for the first time and you are going to smile and say "yes" I did it.

I am here every step of the way to assist, you and help you.  I will answer your million questions you may have and help you deal with the emotions  that you are feeling.  I want you to know that you are doing the right thing by wanting to become healthy and add years to your life.

Hugs to you and you go for what you want in life.  If not now then WHEN????

AMEN!
My DH and I both have the lap band. I had mine in MX. His insurance would pay for his so he had his here in NC. Even the staff at the hosp treated him like he had RNY. All of the paperwork he got from his Dr. Said RNY, and he was told it was the same as for the band. Stuff like pre and post surgery instructions and what to expect, etc.
My Sis has a pillow that reads : " Lord if you won't make me thin, make all my friends fat."
that's how many of our family and friends feel!

Congratulations to both of you.  The best part is that you are healthy and happy.  We can only do so much.

Take care.

Suzanne,

I hear everything you are saying, however, what I have learned is that most people enjoy their ignorance, they don't want to be educated, it is easier for them to see what is wrong with others then look at themselves and so I've learned to get support for what I need from those that would be willing to give it, whether or not they understand it, as most people that have inquired about my choice of surgery have done so, with a "but" and a "I know someone. . ." 

I have a choice today and that is to avoid the negative people who would find fault with anything that anyone does that is beyond the scope of their imagination and I have been lucky for the most part, as most people have applauded my willlingness to do something "so drastic" to get "skinny" (lol). . .  they may not get it, but I am the one who needs to get it, to be educated on what I can do going forward to continue to be successful within this very challenging world we live in.

In short, I hear you!

Laureen

Hi Laureen,

You are so right. There are some that will NEVER get it and it is more about them always being right!

Keep doing what you are doing.

Thank-ya'll for post, I'm going through this now,no one in my family wants me to have WLS,they say all the things posted here,I don't want to hurt anyone feelings but I really am getting tired of explaining to friends and family about this,its lonely when your family really acts like they don't what me to talk about it -thanks to all who post here because it makes me feel better,I'm not alone with this issue-Thanks again-Janet

I have a niece that is an MD. She & her younger sister are both fluffy.
They have never said a word about my wieght loss. My younger niece has had ankle, & foot surgery.
The MD doesn't believe in WLS.
I feel sorry for her patients as she won't support their decision to have it done. I think all should be encouraged to at least check it out & make an informed decision.
Nan

Hi Nan,

What a sad thing, for her to be so educated yet so uneducated.  There are some people that we will never be able to change their minds.  You have to do this for you and NO one else.  I know there are some people in my family who never have said Wow you look great or you sure have lost a lot of weight.  I think if they do then they have to admit they need some help and right now their head is not in the right place.  So they will continue to live being fat, unhealthy and unhappy with their own body.

Thanks and take care and Hugs to you.

This post & discussion are great. Stupid is as stupid does, according to Forrest Gump.
When each of us, for whatever reasons, made the life changing decisons to TAKE BACK OUR LIVES, with WLS, WE became educated to the process and journey. It affected us physically, mentally, emotionally, and would for the rest of our lives. I had such wonderful support from hubby, our children, and my really true friends....they had all watched me struggle with continued efforts to lose weight for YEARS. They knew 1st hand @ each failure and how these continued failures corrupted my soul and confidence.
OFF has been the most sustaining place for continuing success. We have all worn each others "panties" (not George) collectively. I could and now do again, confess my soul, doubts, hardships, Stupid Monica Tricks, fear........small victories, big victories, tips, "what worked for me might work for you" ideas. With a "little help from our friends", virtual and face to face, we can, we will, we do win.
Education applies to all ages and walks of life.........we learn every day.
Continued success, Monica

Hey Monica,

I love your thought process and how you write.  Very well said! I used to say, I know I had surgery on my stomach, but it has also affected my brain and how I think.  What a blessing it was to have my stomach and head working together for a change.  I had a great support group too, and my husband is and was fantastic.  He even lost some weight because of how we were eating and continue to eat.  We share a lot of meals too when we go out to eat--they give the average person way tooooooooo much food to eat.  I noticed I am always saying that this is way too much food for me to eat, and some people look at me like I have committed a sin when I say something life that. 

Yes, it is never too late to learn something, and I try to keep learning each day of my life too.  My Dad used to say if you don't use it you will lose it--speaking of the brain.  So, I continue to challenge myself on a daily basis.

I loved your response.  Keep up the good work, you look fantastic.

Hugs