Negativity

This was taken from another board - id thought id share it - not sure if it has been here before or not - pretty much self explanatory

Thus begins the FAQ for sarcastic people:
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Yes, there is in fact something very wrong with you that you've only lost five pounds in your one week of post-op.  I think your surgeon has screwed up your surgery and removed your liver instead.  You should be losing at least twenty pounds per day.  Get a lawyer.

Ok, you're less than two weeks out but your surgeon said no carbonation - oh but you found a soda that has "less" carbonation?  Sure, go ahead and drink it.  Have a few!  He's just a big meanie anyway.  Soda is great for dieting after all.  

My goodance, you have generated so my pity in my heart that you cannot "tolerate" the taste of your chewable vitamins.  I certainly don't blame you for stoping eating them.  After all, we don't want to improve your health if the cost is 10 seconds of absolute taste torture - chewable vitamins are the worst tasting thing on the planet, after all.  I know I cried a million tears as a child each time I ate a Flintstone's vitamin.

I know it's challenging to get down to goal, and now that it's slowed down for you, instead of exercising more or cutting calories, I definitely think you should take that drug you read about that they sell in  Mexico that makes you lose weight with only a "mild" chance of heart attack.  Double up - you'll lose faster.  (You'll also be so much more productive since you won't need sleep either.)

You're two weeks after surgery and you don't know what to eat (somehow) and you ask a group of strangers what to eat, instead of asking the man you paid several thousand dollars to slice you up.  Did it occur to ask about how you might eat before the surgery?  Oh right, I was pretty busy too before my surgrey for such little details too.  I did finally finish ou****ching Lost on Netflix (boy, I want to get my time back for that...)  Well, I can tell you what you're going to have to eat now, but you might be in for a surprise.....

Yes, if you can physically blend it, then it's a puree food.  Just add enough water and the cheeseburger will puree - that bun sure does soak up a lot!  Cheeseburger puree goes great with the applesauce and mashed potatoes you're already eating.

So I see you've decided that if God "lets" you survive your surgery, you're just going to let him worry about getting the vitamins you need from food?  Interesting.  Does he make your life insurance policy choice as well?  Just curious how far this relationship goes.  Does he brush your teeth for you as well, or are cavities "his will" too?  

Oh yes, pizza is definitely an all-around approved WLS food since you're buying the thin crust pizza.  Boy, I was ready to yell at you thinking it was "regular crust" pizza, but you have clearly found a health food here and have shamed me with your forward thinking.  

(Also seen with pizza) You're right!  Pizza is an excellent source of protein during weight loss since it's made with high-fat cheese and fatty protein!  I can hear your heart squealing with the love you show it.

I guess you're right... there really is no possible way to "live a little" other than to eat bad food.  Who knew?  You've convinced me that life is an empty and miserable experience without bad food.

I did not, in fact, realize that one's soul could be nourished with food.  I thought food nourishes one's body, but I'm just a biochemist, what do I know?  Eat if your soul is hungry.  Eat, eat!

Let's be honest, the only thing that tastes worst than chewable vitamins is protein shakes.  I've found you can make them tolerable if you make them with whole milk and add a half-cup of peanut butter.... yum!!!!  Now I just have to figure out why I'm stalled.

Do I know an upstate VSG surgeon in New York that takes Podunk Insurance and doesn't require any blood work or psych consult?   In fact, I do have a list of 17 doctors here that fit that criteria.  For some reason.

Oh, you would like some ideas on why you're not losing my weight, but you have neglected to tell us your starting weight, current weight, surgery type, calorie intake, protein/carb info, exercise info, fluid intake info, etc.  Yeah, fortunately the cameras I have installed in your apartment informs me it's because you're eating chips and lots of them.

Yes, someone losing weight faster than you is proof that something is wrong with you.  Straight up.

No no, I should completely coddle you and tell you "it's ok, you poor thing", after you have hurt yourself by eating six chocolate chips cookies in 5 minutes.  It was wrong of me to ask "what were you thinking" or "did you realize that's twice the size of your stomach"?  I will learn to express only pity for those kinds of mistakes rather than question your expectations of reality - or three-dimensional space.

Oh, you're a DS patient, and you think that anyone who gets a VSG or RnY are idiots and everyone who does is eventually going to get a revision into a DS?  I better go ahead and book my revision now.  Funny though, I'm at goal and you're not, but I'll still get that revision.

No, of course you have to "live a little".  That's why you can eat calorie dense food and and cake on:  major holidays, minor holidays, your birthdays, family birthdays, coworker birthdays, major milestone events, minor milestone events, good days worth celebrating, bad days worth forgetting, when you need to 'live' a little and every Tuesday and Thursday.  Also, when food is free or brought in by someone.  Also when food is one sale.  It's the law to eat it then.  I mean, are you going to let food go to "waste" or your "waist"?  Get that cupcake in your mouth stat!

I'm pretty sure that if I put a scoop of unflavored protein into cookie dough mix you'd never taste it, but somehow you've turned into a bloodhound and now it's enough to make you wretch when added to your soup.  Ok.  I'm sure there's nothing mental going on here at all.

I don't know why you've been unable to get to goal either after being stalled for several months, but I agree with you that it's not because you don't exercise or keep a food log.  I mean, the people that lose all their excess weight don't exercise or log their food, right?  

Yes, just by reminding you that the average WLS patient only loses 70% of their excess weight in the long run, I am automatically being unsupportive and saying you will fail.  Clearly you will lose 120% excess weight.  Like the first man on the moon, you're gonna be the first WLS patient to get to goal by eating just smaller portions of fast food and junk food!  Why did I do it the hard way? Please, write a book!

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I read this on the other forum. I am curious to see the responses on this one. It was thought it might not be received as well. Personally I loved it!

I loved it too - that's why i reposted it and after reading back about a page worth of entries it should be interesting in seeing the responses 

I enjoyed it and I'm a newbie...lol.  Sometimes people just need a bit of comedy to get to the reality of it all. 

All very logical points. The sarcasm makes it hilarious!!! I agree a little laughter is good

I don't know about you guys, but when I read most of those statements they seemed mean and rude from impatient, intolerable people whose sense of self-worth is built upon diminishing others. Wasn't there an old truism that went something like "If you haven't got something good to say, then don't say anything at all." ?

People fail. No one who frequents these boards can honestly say they have not had a fair share of past failure and continuing sense of inadequacy at their personal inability to manage their own weight properly. There are many ways to communicate support and those that default to demeaning comments when someone else fails to meet their own expectation levels seem to have forgotten how devastating were the feelings they themselves once endured when subjected to petty insults about being overweight.

I know I have a great sense of humor and I'm loved by many, not least of all by myself. You would be hard pressed to find someone else as self confident or self secure as I am. I find people laugh the most when I make myself the butt of my own jokes or spin stories (sometimes embellished) where I am the one who looks the fool. I am singularly unimpressed with those that hide behind the anonymity of the internet to spew vitriol upon complete strangers who have done them no wrong.

These comments are coming from someone who can and has written some of the most subtle and scathing insults to be found anywhere. I enjoy speech in any form and admire those that wield it with skill. Most of the comments in the OP seem to be written by frustrated, middle-aged suburbanites, lacking any literary skills or original thoughts who I picture pounding away on their keyboards with a sense of smug, self-satisfaction in the manner they "put that idiot in their place!"

 

This is why it was originally not posted here. I knew someone would not be able to see the humour. Middle aged, no older. Yes my speling and grammar sometimes sucks but I will take posts like this anytime to ones that coddle people. I often no longer post because I can not answer some of the questions with civility.

Continued good luck in your journey.

Hahahaha.....loved it!

LOL that is funny, sorry for those who think other wise.