Still see the fat guy

I don't usually post much on here or reply to very many threads as it seems I usually **** somebody off. Mainly some of the older 'vets' as I don't really buy into the 'my way is the only way' mentality. With that being said. I am 18 months out from surgery.

Why do I still see the fat guy in the mirror.  After having lost 183 lbs and being 10 pounds under goal,  people say nice things to me about how I look and I mutter "thanks" and scurry away. I know I am thinner and I buy pants that are a lot smaller, but I still feel like that fat guy I used to be. Psychologists call the tension between two opposing thoughts about yourself cognitive dissonance. Mostly people rationalize that difference (like smokers who know it is bad for their health, but claim to love the taste) or change their behavior to reduce the internal tension. I am not sure what do about this difference between what people say, which is both flattering and closer to reality than how I see myself.  People close to me say I have lost enough and don't need to lose anymore. I keep hearing in my head the vets saying you need to get to 100% EWL to be a winner at this. To do that I would have to get to 179 pounds and I haven't weighed that much since my mother squirted me out 60 years ago. I guess what I need to do is go buy a new mirror and make myself see just how much I have accomplished and how much my life has changed since I started the journey. It is time to embrace my new me and time to put what is considered 'normal' on the BMI charts in the trash. As long as you are comfortable with yourself it doesn't really matter what a chart or somebody else says. We are all heading to the same place but we may take different roads and routes to get there. Some may get there faster then others but as long as you get there safe it doesn't matter how long it takes. From 388 to 205 as if this morning.

I obviously don't want to go back to actually being the fat guy and I do want to be a gracious recipient of compliments about how I look, but I am struggling to move from my former self-image to a new one.

If there is a pic it is sideways and I can't figure out how to change it. If there isn't one it is in my profile.

Please post if you ever find a solution. I am 5 months out and still see NO change at all, despite losing 60 pounds.

Oh, my, looking at you from the outside, what a tremendous  difference!!! That's some good work!

Body image is the hardest thing to change of anything. Think of all of the years of the way you have felt about yourself and how you look- it won't take as long to change it, but it does take time.

Trust the photographs and the clothing size rather than how you think and feel inside yourself- that's the reality. And then fake it until you make it- it takes practice practice practice to change the brain patterns of perception.

Oh, and also practice being a stand for yourself and honoring what you think and say- that's the opposite way to operate than the above. To hell with what other people think and say, unless it's a voice of track record and experience that you trust. Opinions are like a certain part of the anatomy- everyone has one.

I think doing the inside work helps a lot with doing the work of keeping the weight off- it helps a lot with self respect.

it is as simple as giving yourself more time: your body changes faster than your body image, in your mind, does.

  < I was going to do the thumbs up dude, but got this one instead. and it works, too! 

Picture is there and its not sideways. And you are not fat. But it may take time to realize this. You have done really really super well, especially for one who doesn't like veggies! 

You look fantastic.  

I am still pre op myself so I do not have any personal advice except that my mom had wls seven years ago and I remember it took a long time for her head to catch up. She would buy herself clothes sometimes without trying it on and would end up getting three sizes too big of clothes. She just could not see it no matter how much we would tell her that yes, you really are that thin and yes, you look it!

You look amazing! Take our word for it . I'm sure soon your mind will think so too. 

Perhaps you have a mild case of body dysmorphia.  Maybe even a mild case?  I know that when I get thin I do not feel like a thin person - my therapist told me I have BD... but mild. 

It takes time for your brain to rethink and re-see... you look GREAT btw - you are NOT a fat man anymore.  You look completely normal to me.

Good Job!

It all has to do with the body dysmorphic syndrome. And props to you for recognizing the cognitive dissonance piece!

I lost my identity in a way last fall when I realized that every photo of myself looked like someone else, never ME. With my therapist's blessing, I started the photo of the day project (POTD) in which I took a photo of myself every day for a month. My original goal was to print and post them on my bathroom wall, but I never got around to that and instead kept them on my phone. I did review them daily, however, and it really helped to solidify who I saw in those photos.

Recently, my husband took a new photo of me and put it side by side. I immediately identified with the "now" picture, and not so much with the "then" picture. I viewed this as really good news.

I will say that in the absence of visual feedback (a mirror, a photo), I am still a fat girl in my head, but I am to the point now where I can trust myself to pick the right size clothing out in a store. Eventually, the fat girl head persona will be replaced with the skinny girl head persona, according to my therapist. It just takes time.

Laurie

I read somewhere on here this trick with a paper bag.  Poke eyeholes in a paper bag, put the bag over your head, and take a picture of your body.  Look at the picture.  Your brain will see someone of average weight.  You can retrain your brain to see this as your new self.  I don't know if it works or not, I'm only three months out and still trying to look at my original size clothes even though I've dropped two sizes.  Best of luck to you!