Really upset!
So I was talking to my husband yesterday about my WLS. I had surgery on 12/30/11, and have lost weight. Most people who have seen me have commented on my loss, and he has said nothing. In fact, he really never had an opinion or comment the entire time I was going through the process. His reponse was he sees me everyday, so he hasn't really noticed. I was bothered, but said nothing. Today I thought of an idea to celebrate when I get to onederland, and said, "hey, I should get a pedicure!" and he got all huffy and asked why he should be expected to pay for it. I then asked would he be willing to give me one? He said, "yeah ok, I guess." I then told him how I didn't really buy his excuse of seeing me everyday as a reason not to compliment me, and his response was, "I don't know how much you've lost. And besides, you just had surgery two weeks ago." I reminded him that it was 12/30, which is definetely more than 2 weeks ago. He then said I shouldn't expect him to reward me because I've lost weight, and he didn't know how much I lost. I'm at work, so I just turned back around in my chair until he left.
I'm feeling really upset about this, I think he is being insensitive. Or am I being TOO sensitive?
Thoughts, comments and gentle words right now are greatly appreciated.
I'm feeling really upset about this, I think he is being insensitive. Or am I being TOO sensitive?
Thoughts, comments and gentle words right now are greatly appreciated.
I can do this...I know I can. It's just going to take time & patience.
"Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway."
I would just sigh and say, "Men!" 
But c'mon, dude, how about a little friggin' support?
Reward YOURSELF and take him out of the equation. Also, remind him of all this the next time he wants some "hanky panky" time.
PS: when I got to my goal, my husband sprang for a $300 tattoo. Tell your hubby to stop being a cheapass.
But c'mon, dude, how about a little friggin' support?Reward YOURSELF and take him out of the equation. Also, remind him of all this the next time he wants some "hanky panky" time.
PS: when I got to my goal, my husband sprang for a $300 tattoo. Tell your hubby to stop being a cheapass.
Banded 10 years & maintaining my weight loss!! Any questions, message me.
Haha, you know his nickname is cheapass actually... and oh yeah the next he wants to some sack action he'll be going solo!
I can do this...I know I can. It's just going to take time & patience.
"Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway."
Amen! 
I understand. My hubby doesnt say anything. It did bother me at first but then I realized that
a) yeah, he does see me every day so it may be hard for him to notice (partly cause he is a man and is oblivious)
b)I have a hard time even seeing it myself so why do I expect others to
c)I am damn proud of myself. I dont need his acknowldgment to validate me. I need to do that for myself.
Bottom line, dont stress about it. At 3.5 months out my husband still hasnt said anything but I can tell he notices when I am wearing smaller clothes.
And... I FEEL SO DAMN GOOD THAT I JUST DONT GIVE A ****! My Confidence is climbing by the day.
Give it a few weeks.
a) yeah, he does see me every day so it may be hard for him to notice (partly cause he is a man and is oblivious)
b)I have a hard time even seeing it myself so why do I expect others to
c)I am damn proud of myself. I dont need his acknowldgment to validate me. I need to do that for myself.
Bottom line, dont stress about it. At 3.5 months out my husband still hasnt said anything but I can tell he notices when I am wearing smaller clothes.
And... I FEEL SO DAMN GOOD THAT I JUST DONT GIVE A ****! My Confidence is climbing by the day.
Give it a few weeks.
Carrie HW: 334/Preop Appt W: 328/SW: 313/CW: 2
preop: -21lbs, month 1: -28lbs, month 2: -16lbs, month 3: -18lbs, month 4: -11lbs,
month 5: -11lbs, month 6: -7lbs, ...all the way down. NOTE: after slacking I got back on track in Nov (month 12) and have lost 16lbs so far!
I can relate! I don't know if it's just men or that they don't notice because they see us everyday. I used to hate coming home after getting a haircut and have him not notice! I used to change my hair color for a while just to see if he would say anything LOL.
It IS early on for you since you barely had your surgery little more than a month ago. They say most people that see you everyday won't notice until you lose at least 50 lbs. that's when I started getting more comments...especially my favorite one when my hubby FINALLY noticed: I was getting dressed for work one morning when he walks into the room as I am bending over to slip on my socks when he whistles and says: oooooooh what a little butt!!! He now playfully calls me LB.
It IS early on for you since you barely had your surgery little more than a month ago. They say most people that see you everyday won't notice until you lose at least 50 lbs. that's when I started getting more comments...especially my favorite one when my hubby FINALLY noticed: I was getting dressed for work one morning when he walks into the room as I am bending over to slip on my socks when he whistles and says: oooooooh what a little butt!!! He now playfully calls me LB.
5.0 cc in a 10cc lapband (four fills) 1 unfill of .5cc on 5/24/2011.
.5 fill March 2012. unfill of .25cc May 2012. Unfill of .5cc June 2014.
Still with my lapband with no plans for revision. Band working well since
last small unfill.
HW: 267lbs- size 22-24 LW:194lbs CW:198lbs Size 14-16
Hi there, Mommy!
Part of me wants me to tell you to yell at him for being an insensitive oaf but, since I am 6 years out of WLS and have a longer-term perspective on your husband's insensitivity, I will share my more modest opinion... ;)
You took the most important step possible to improve your health. And, in the first 18 months post WLS, you will become very self-centered. You SHOULD become very self-centered. You should be your own champion...your own advocate and you should make all the time in the world for yourself. Because, having taken such a drastic measure to improve your health, YOU should be your own first priority (aside from your kids...but you know what I mean).
But your husband does not have this frame of mind. I have learned...and it was learned with great sadness...that people have a VERY hard time when their loved ones lose weight...even if they do not have a weight problem, themselves. Your husband, family...friends...they have all known you a certain way for (what I am guessing is) a long time. When you lose weight, your confidence rises and, bit by bit, you change who you are (which is a GOOD thing!). As a result, your relationships change...your "place" in other people's mind changes...and people have a hard time with that.
In losing weight, I have lost friends. I know (far too many) people who have lost spouses. If you try to keep communication open with your loved ones, you should be okay. I would recommend having a good long talk with your husband about your journey...help him to not feel threatened. Hopefully he will then more easily accept the beautiful new you.
If he doesn't, THEN tell him to go to hell! ;)
GOOD LUCK on your journey!!
Hugs,
Jersey Mom
Part of me wants me to tell you to yell at him for being an insensitive oaf but, since I am 6 years out of WLS and have a longer-term perspective on your husband's insensitivity, I will share my more modest opinion... ;)
You took the most important step possible to improve your health. And, in the first 18 months post WLS, you will become very self-centered. You SHOULD become very self-centered. You should be your own champion...your own advocate and you should make all the time in the world for yourself. Because, having taken such a drastic measure to improve your health, YOU should be your own first priority (aside from your kids...but you know what I mean).
But your husband does not have this frame of mind. I have learned...and it was learned with great sadness...that people have a VERY hard time when their loved ones lose weight...even if they do not have a weight problem, themselves. Your husband, family...friends...they have all known you a certain way for (what I am guessing is) a long time. When you lose weight, your confidence rises and, bit by bit, you change who you are (which is a GOOD thing!). As a result, your relationships change...your "place" in other people's mind changes...and people have a hard time with that.
In losing weight, I have lost friends. I know (far too many) people who have lost spouses. If you try to keep communication open with your loved ones, you should be okay. I would recommend having a good long talk with your husband about your journey...help him to not feel threatened. Hopefully he will then more easily accept the beautiful new you.
If he doesn't, THEN tell him to go to hell! ;)
GOOD LUCK on your journey!!
Hugs,
Jersey Mom
Height: 5'10"
Current BMI: 27.5 (Overweight)
You know, I had heard what you're saying before. My marriage counselor even mentioned it to me one week, and to him. She told him that it was very important that he stay connected and communicate, but unfortunately my husband is a LOUSY communicator. I guess for now I will just try and not let it bother me, and speak up when it does, but boy is it hard! I sometimes feel that if someone were to hit on me, somehow it would be my fault anyhow. Even if I didn't want to extra attention. Problem is, he knows how emotionally starved I am, one would logically think he would try his best, but I guess to him his best differs from what I consider his best. Eh.
Thanks for trying to cheer me up. I think tonight is going to be a long, long night
Thanks for trying to cheer me up. I think tonight is going to be a long, long night
I can do this...I know I can. It's just going to take time & patience.
"Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway."
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