Backhanded Compliments :(

I have a 2yo and 4yo...today a coworker complemented me on my appearance - ok great - I was gracious and kind and thanked her.  Then she goes on and on about how I must be able to play more and do more with my kids...like I was some fat lump who never did anything before.  I was a very active 350 pound woman before - I went on the playground stuff, climbed in the indoor playplace things at the community center...yes, it was harder then b/c of fit issues - but I still did it to be with my kids.  We went to the zoo - museum - places where we'd be walking for hours at a time - I did it then and I do it now.  Now I just don't need to take Advil after!

I just hate how people (this lady was not the first to make that assumption) think that b/c I was fatter before that I didn't do anything active with my kids.  Like I was a bad mom before and b/c I am closer to "normal" now that I am somehow just a better mom because of that.

I know plenty of normal weight lazy moms and plenty of overweight active moms out there. 

Don't let stupid people get to you I'm sure your a good mom probably even better I no one of the reasons I got my surgery was for my kids 

Don't let those people get to you!  

Practice smiling gently and saying, "I always did lots of active stuff with my kids before...but now I don't have to take Advil afterward!" and then laugh.  It gets your point across (I was never a lazy-ass mom!) but does it in a gentle, teasing way.   

People are dumb.  Unfortunately we all say dumb things at some point or another.  I'm not excusing the behaviour but don't let it bug you because it's really not worth the thought process of worrying about whether people thought you were lazy or not.  Being overweight comes with some stereotypes just as so many other things do.  Ignore the people that can't help put a "but" at the end of their complement.  

You are doing great and for all the right reasons!

Devil's Advocate here…..I wasn't there so I don't know what tone was used, or if there was sarcasm in her voice, but I wouldn't have been offended by the words you say she used, unless she said in such a way that made it offensive.  I have heard LOTS of people say they can "do more" with their kids after weight loss.  Do more in general. I'm looking forward to doing more myself. I wouldn't have jumped to the conclusion that she thought you NEVER did anything with your kids, unless  she actually said it.  I think people generally try to be nice and compliments are genuine, unless they're not if you know what I mean.  I wouldn't be so sensitive, based on the words (and only the words) she used, I don't think she meant anything negative. 

Congrats on your success~!

true.  I'm just extra touchy with her words b/c she's also been very confrontational with HOW I am losing the weight...like cornering me in the lunch room and inspecting my food and whatnot.  Asking for pounds lost, my secret...She's the office busy-body and to be honest, I don't care for her in general, which is probably why her comments really got to me.

Thank you for reminding me to just let stuff roll off more.  :)

This is exactly why I don't plan to tell anyone at work.  I have the same type of busy body and just don't want to deal with the unnecessary negativity.

Office Busy-Body.  I think every office has one (or more)  I totally understand your sensitivity if she's always "up in your face" about what you're eating etc.  I thought she knew about your surgery.  I've lost weight in the past, and I had so many people ask, in one way or another, what was I doing to lose the weight.  Even the pretty thin neighbor (that IMO didn't have any weight to lose) across the street that was no more than a someone I had exchanged niceties with. She actually came over for no other reason than to ask me if I had lost weight, telling me how my midsection looked flatter, and asked "what was I doing??" People do want to know "How you are doing it"  if they don't know you had surgery, they want "the secret"….  everyone is trying to figure out how to lose weight, especially if it's at a rapid pace.  People want the success you are having.

Try to let it roll off your back.  She is probably nosy and jealous, but not necessarily mean-spirited.  

You know, in the South we just say, "Isn't that nice." Or, "Bless your heart." They both basically mean FU.

And... You can say it with a smile on your face.

I also wouldn't assume they were assuming you were a lazy mom before. I know I've commented about being able to do more with my son since losing weight. We always have been active and done fun stuff...Disney World, trips to Hawaii with swimming and snorkeling, hours at the zoo and Children's museum. The difference now, like for you, is that I don't have to take Advil or suffer my legs or feet hurting as much. I can be more actively active. It is fabulous!!  Don't worry what anyone thinks. Just keep making those awesome memories with your kids!