Well after a few years I'm back again.... a bit of ranting.

Hello everyone!

Im Le'Ann, I joined this forum a few years back when first persuing VSG. At first I was told I was too small, so I gained the weight needed (so dumb I know). I went through a rigerous round of appointments with nutritionists, psychologists and trainers just to have my insurance tell me I needed to diet for 6 months. I was so upset and so frustrated that I just ended up giving up.

During the few years I have been inactive on this post I decided to do what I always do...diet. I did Gluten Free. Wow, that was crazy hard. I also worked out regulary. I dropped 30 pounds fast. Then once I started adding gluten back in the weight came on even faster. I was again left discouraged.

About a year ago my once very loving and very excepting husband told me that my obesity was the cause of his depression. That my body is "very unattractive due to the obesity". I was crushed. He told me he was tired of being encouraging and I just needed to hear the truth. And yes, my body is unattractive but, it still hurts when someone you love so dearly, says something so hurtful. But I tried my best to lose the weight. I wanted to be happy, and I wanted to make my husband happy. I joined Weigh****chers. I lost 18 pounds, then tragedy struck. I found out my husband was having an affair with a close friend of mine. When I found out I begged for us to work it out but he refused. Being caught put him in a hard place so he tried to kill himself and almost succeeded. I stayed by his side in the ICU and through the behavioral center. When he got home he said he wanted to work it out, but a few days later he moved out and in with his girlfriend. This was last September.

Our divorce was official on my birthday in February. We were married 6-together for 8. He is now remarried. Of course I am grieving, dealing with worsened depression and anxiety. But I am learning how to take care of myself. I work 2 jobs and do house sitting on the side, so I am constantly busy. I try my best to eat right, but the scale keeps climbing. I decided to try HCG. Forked out $150 and got ready for it. I enjoyed eating all the clean food, which I would normally eat however the 500 calories a day was hard. I lost 10 pounds in a week. I felt ok. But by the end of the 8th day I was sobbing hysterically and I have no clue why. Was I that hungry?? Or were the hormones in HCG just messing with me? I discontinued the drops and felt better almost immediatley. And suprise suprise here comes the weight gain. My lowest weight in the past 3 years was during the gluten free diet at 230. I had a dr appointment on Friday to speak about the chronic exhaustion I feel and realized my weight was now at 271. I've gained 41 pounds. I was horrified. I asked my dr about it. He said he could refer me to a surgeon or I could do supervised liquid diets.

All I know right now, is that I for the first time ever have to take care of myself. I know that my weight effects my energy and ability to exercise. I know that I am depressed and unhappy about my size. I feel too far gone alomost like I have no where to start. But I know I need to lose weight and the convential methods are not working. I am only 25. I should feel young and energized, living life and experiencing new things as a single adult. But instead I am too exhausted and depressed. I hate shopping. I worry about sitting in chairs at baseball games, or going kayaking with friends, or going hiking. I am active in church but I cant cross my legs when I sit there, I cant find younger looking clothes, I hardly have a lap. We have a large convention coming up in July. Are the seats going to be too small? Am I going to be able to climb the stairs without almost fainting at the top? See this is the crap I am sick of and I shouldnt worry about. I cant paint my toenails without almost suffocating myself, or tie my shoes. Wiping is difficult. I know TMI right? But this is NOT normal. My weight gain is NOT normal. I do have Thyroid disease but it is under control so we can weed that out. I am just fed up. Tired of worrying about my size constantly. I am tired of living life on the side lines.

I contacted my insurance company and they do not cover any bariatric treatments for any purpose. Great. Now what? Self pay. Sure! I have $15k just sitting sround my house dont you?

I have 0 debt. I filed bankruptcy years ago and have kept my debt free status. I also recently paid off my car. I am living with my parent to save up and be on my own. Divorces are not cheap and I paid for it. He took everything finanicially so I am started over. I dont make a lot of money. But I need this in the worst way. Do I bite the bullet and try to get a loan? (Then there is the issue of someone giving me a loan for a large amount when I have filed bankruptcy in the past) Do I make the monthly payments? I am just beside myself because I feel like I am destined to fail and always be fat and unhappy no matter what hard work I put into it.

Any words of encouragment or similar experiences??

Oh wow. You've really been through a very rough time. I'm so sorry that you've had all of this to deal with! Good heavens. I think if I were in your shoes, I'd be suffering from some major depression myself; so in essence, what you're feeling is quite normal, given the cir****tances.

I don't have many words of advice, but lots of encouragement! I'm sure it was hard to handle the divorce; however, honestly, if your husband was cheating on you, then you will likely be better off in the long run. (Hard to hear, I know.)

I know that short of shelling out 15K, many folks on these forums opt for surgery in Mexico for 6-8K. That might be the route you wish to go. And I've seen other people here talk about a loan for health reasons and/or surgical procedures. I can't speak to that, but maybe they could chime in.

Your worries and fears are just like mine were before I had my surgery. Wondering if the chair will break. Will I fit through the turnstile. I can't fit into a kayak. My weight is over the limit to go parasailing. I can't cross my legs. Shaving my legs is tough. Etc. We all know these and more. I can completely relate. *hugs*

You've come to the right place. The people here are amazingly supportive. I will keep my fingers crossed that you get what you need to get you healthy, and back in the right frame of mind. Do hang in there. It will get better. Just by coming here, you've taken the bull by the horns and you want to do things right to get yourself to a better place. You're already on the right track!

Thank you for all the encouragment! It is hard to know that I am better of without him but it is so true. I honestly almost keeled over dead when you mentioned Mexico....but I did some reasearch and it's not what I was thinking. (I was like "What if I wake up with out a kidney?!?!?!") I have a friend checking on insurance (she works at the same hospital I do) to see if they cover it. Everyone has been really supportive and I am really happy I came back here! Thank you again!

You have been thru a lot for sure.

CareCredit and MediCcard (Canada) may be an answer to your financing issues.

You might not know it but in the US after bankrupcy you are considered an excellent credit risk because you cannot file again for 7 years! strange but true.

Wow, LeAnn - you certainly have been to hell and back, girl!  So sorry for everything you went through with your ex-husband 

You are so young and the surgery would absolutely change your life in so many positive ways.  I think it's worth it!  I believe that financing something like this is a positive in your case.  If you were older, heading into retirement I wouldn't probably give the same advice. You can apply and see what they say.  Sometimes people who've declared bankruptcy aren't seen as a huge credit risk because you can't do it again for a number of years.  

I had no idea about that! Well that makes me feel better if I choose to do the financing! I really think that this surgery would be a step in the right direction!

Just a thought......since the path to surgery takes time, maybe consider getting a job with a company that has health insurance that DOES cover WLS.  Way back when I was in the research phase and my insurance didn't cover VSG, I remember hearing that Starbucks and Home Depot were large companies whose insurance did cover WLS.  You'd have to do the research, but what the heck!

Le'Anne I'm so sorry you had to endure such a horrible time.... non of this was Fair or your fault ...please remember that... your so young to have had to go though all this...  I had a horrible marriage also and my ex hated the way I looked ... I was know as the fat dumb ***** which only helped me put on more and more ...  and made me think he was right... but he wasn't I am a strong beautiful woman inside and out!!! It took me a long time to make me understand that don't let it take you that long... I to found him with a few of my friends (lol friends yea ok)  and who was supposed to be my best friend... ..I finally realized I was worth so much more ... I have been married now for 13 years to an amazing man who loves me fat or skinny or what ever...  think of what you really truly want and when your 100% positive don't let anything stand in your way! !! :-)   best of luck Please keep me updated! !! :-)

♡ Kelly

I was called a jealous b**** a lot because I hated if he looked at other women. I was (and am) so insecure. I am trying my best to work past the feelings of betrayal and work on being forgiving (for my sake). I realize that just because I forgive does not mean that I am ok with the situation. I look forward to when I feel secure in my decision to persue a divorce and to realize I am truly worth so so much more. Thank you for your support!

OK, LeAnn, I'm going to talk to you like I'm your mom.  I'm 62 and had my VSG 7 months ago, and I have lost 70 lbs.  So I can tell yo that the sleeve is a wonderful tool to lose the weight.  But I want to give you the benefit of being almost 40 years older than you.  Don't spend years fat and unhappy.  First of all, love yourself enough to have the surgery for your health, so you can be active.  Being active helps you lose weight, and being active may involve you in things that will let you meet other active people.  One of those active people might be a friend or romantic partner in the future, one who will love you for who you are and not how you look, who will be concerned about your health, not your looks.

Fat people are discriminated against in the workplace as well, so consider losing weight as career development.  Do you have skills or a degree to help you get a better job?  If not get a GED or talk to your local community college as a way to get into higher education- student health insurance may help you out for the surgery too. 

You ex was a jerk, making your weight an excuse for being a liar and a cheater.  You are well rid of him, and you now know that future relationships should include support and honesty. You deserve that.

All the messy problems of the past are the past.  You are only 25 so the road ahead of you is long and free and open.  Only you can make the right choices for you, and from your post I think you are a sensible, sensitive young woman who is worth the effort. 

Speaking for myself, I know that no longer being obese has given me a sense of pride in myself and in how I look and in how I relate to other people.  No more wondering if the chair will hold me, no more feeling ashamed when people give me that up and down stare and I knew they were thinking I was fat.  I was fat, and now I am not, and it is because I made the choice for the surgery. 

Sorry, my rant is longer than yours!  But LeAnn, you are worth it and you can do it.  Everyone on this board is pulling for you- incredible people with advice and encouragement.  I promise you, a year after the surgery you'll be proud, happy and not fat anymore.

My best to you,

Dee