Overly dramatic sigh - what is wrong with me?

This is going to be long and rambling and could potentially make no sense, but I need to write this stuff out because I feel like I'm slowly going insane.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  There might be nothing wrong with me.  Maybe it's the crazy weather.  Maybe it's because my birthday was in early February, and there is something about my birthday that is always depressing for me.  Maybe it's the plastics consults and the idea of plastic surgery.  My actual life couldn't be better - my husband has really grown into being a wonderful husband and father (I could get into specifics, but we've been together for over eight years and in recent months he's just become absolutely amazing, supportive, and so kind.  He makes me feel desired and sexy and just good in a way he's never done before), I recently got a very large raise, my daughter is healthy and beautiful and everyone loves her, my mom is pretty happy, I have wonderful friends, I get more attention than I ever have before, people are just nicer in general to me, I can wear almost whatever I want and feel OK in it, there have been numerous occasions where I am not only NOT the biggest girl in the room, that I am actually the thinnest.  But I just feel lousy.  I'm so tired.  I see photos of myself, and I think I look huge and that I should really lose 10 or 15 more pounds.  Wouldn't it be better if I was in the 120s?  All I see is fat and the devastation of what being obese and being pregnant has wrought on my body.  I'm not like this every day.  It just seems as if it's more days than not recently.  I have this feeling of wanting to hide, and I keep pushing through it but it doesn't get easier and I'm so tired of it.  Why don't I feel good?  Why don't I feel proud?  What more do I want?  I'm ashamed that I'm not basking in gratitude for my absolutely amazing life.  I have worked so hard, and I have been so lucky, and I still feel like I'm just not enough, it's not enough, nothing will ever be enough.  This is the girl inside me, and she's screaming at me instead of the usual murmur.  This is not the woman I am.  I don't know how to comfort her.  I don't know what she even wants.  Maybe I'm having an identity crisis.  I have those every couple of years.  Maybe I'm just bored because I never know what to do with myself without some sort of stupid crisis or huge challenge.  I do not want to feel sorry for myself. 

Sounds like you need someone to talk to.  We don't always know what the problem is until we have a "professional" that is trained in bringing it out.  I went through something similar recently and instead of letting it drag out I went to a counsellor for a few visits and figured it out.  Now it's no longer part of my life and I can move on :)

Just a thought.

The only reason I've been hesitant to find a shrink is because the last one I had was so perfect for me, and I'd had shrinks in the past who just sucked (maybe not in genera, but definitely for me).  I need to get over it and find someone.  I just hate the idea of wasting my very limited time in finding someone who works for me.  Thanks

You can put the time in to good use that right now you are using up with feeling bad...my positive spin on things.  I know it's annoying. lol

Thank you.  That is exactly what I needed to hear, and something that no one has said to me.  You're right.  I'm spending so much time feeling bad, when I could be spending that time trying to feel better.  It's would be infinitely more productive even if I didn't feel better.  :)

Boy do I hear you.  Finding a shrink you click with is such a hassle.  It's mentally draining!  But when you do, aaaaah, it's amazing.  

Good luck - I recently found one I click with really well and it was totally worth the time and hassle for me.  

I was going to say the same thing.  Having had counseling once before when I was ready to tear my hair out, it gave me tools to use and I still use them today.

there is nothing wrong with seeing a professional,.  Go, you can say anything about anything or anyone and know it isn't gong anywhere.  And they can help you calm that girl inside of you.  She probably feels very lost now that her cushioning is gone.  She feels very vulnerable and wants to hide because she feels exposed.  Give her an avenue out of the maize.

To be honest, I have been feeling the same way. I'm never happy... It will take some time for our minds to catch up after massive weight loss. Let's just take a moment to Thank God for what we have today.

I'm always grateful for what I have.  I just want to really feel it.  Sorry you are feeling the same way.

You might also want to consider finding a therapist.  Life doesn't have to be sad.