I'm...dare I say it...happy! (WARNING: LONG & POSSIBLE EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS)
I returned from a walk on a lunch break this week. I returned to my desk and just sat a moment. I wa**** with the realization that I'm happy. Not just at that moment, but all of the time. All. Of. The. Time. My mood, attitude and mental state has been transformed. It's amazing. And it's a really big deal for me.
7 years ago I hit, what I thought then, was rock bottom. Over worked, over whelmed and over stressed with a high profile job in a large company. I had a staff who had a single mission to make my life miserable. That's what happens when you're the boss and 15 yrs younger than the team and hired from the outside. After 11 yrs on the job I had a break down. I received a Major Depressive Disorder diagnosis, lots of pills, lots of therapy and a 8 month leave of absence (which ended with my dismissal).
Then I had another 'event' 3 years ago at a newer, less stressful but toxic environment, company. The devil that molested me as a child made an appearance in my life. That was my rock bottom. I started cutting for the first time in my life, I was carrying razor blades in my wallet, I cried non-stop. I received a new diagnosis of Bi-Polar. New drugs didn't touch the black hole I was in. I was ordered out of work for at least a few months and narrowly avoided an ordered stay at McLean Hospital. I ended up being laid off from that job.
Fast forward to last summer. I had been out of work for 8 months and the most perfect job popped up. I still can't believe how lucky I've been in this regard. And at the same time I started my pre-op process. And when I had surgery I was given the OK to take as much time as I needed and not to worry about it. I had a recent visit with my psychiatrist - he reduced my meds (now down to 1 pill). I see my psychologist every 3 weeks now instead of every week.
I haven't had sugar (candy, chocolate, etc...) in over 3 months. I ate copious amounts prior to surgery. I'm probably only one of a handful of people here that didn't lose weight prior to surgery (and no, I do NOT recommend this). I'm talking a 1 lb bag of chocolate candies while at work, followed up with ice cream sundaes and cookies at night. I'm sure the removal of these items is good part of the reason why my mental state has improved so dramatically. Sure, surgery has played a large role in this. And I eat a very clean diet. And yes, it's low-low carb and yes, I'm still under 600 cals. Best approach for me.
I brought this all up to ParisBoy last night as we were relaxing by the pool after a day full of activity. He said that he definitely noticed a change in me. He said I'm happy when I come home from work. He said I don't nag him anymore. 
He said I'm laughing more.
I guess I've been rambling on here. I'm just so happy that I'm happy. And I'm genuinely happy for everyone here and MFP. It's coming out of my pores. I can't contain it and I don't want to.
-Sandra
Let me start off by saying I am SO sorry to hear about what has happened in your past. However I truly believe that everything that happened to us had to happen for us to get through it and become stronger people. I am happy that you are now happy!! Life is too short not be. YOLO (You Only Live Once).
Surgery date - 04/03/13; Goal date - 11/10/13 (I reached goal in 31 weeks & 4 days)
Highest weight 261 SW 258 GW 150 M1 -26 M2 -14 M3 -10 M4 -12 M5 -13 M6 -12 M7 -11 M8 -10 In maintenance since November 2013 HT- 5'6"
Thank you for your kind words.
Thanks, sweetie! I don't know about adversity, but it was a **** storm for several years. But I'm living for today and hoping for tomorrow.
