OT maybe- what we feed our kids/setting an example....

Hi all, I'm going to post about something I have encountered a few times lately.  I have read people posting about what their temptations are at home (myself included) due to foods they keep around for their family/spouses.  I have seen responses stating that basically, you shouldnt have those foods around anyway, do you really want to feed your kids/spouse those kinds of foods etc...

and while the point is well taken, no one needs oreos or potato chips to live..... I wanted to offer an alternative opinion.

I grew up the youngest of 6 kids. The oldest was my brother who married when I was 6 (he was 22). My family was very lower economic class.  I remember when we had to drink powdered reconstituted milk that was lumpy and disgusting.  I dont remember going hungry, but I may well have as a young child.  I do remember that  cookies and sweets and "treats" were rare. 

If we had them they came in the form of either home made cookies, or my mom would sometimes buy this disgusting (now) raisin loaf from the day old bin with raisins and a sicky sweet icing on top.  But because it was rare- it was special- it was like Christmas to me.

 I see my kids, who when offered cookies, if they do not feel like having a cookie, will REFUSE a cookie (or cake or ice cream).  I think once upon a time I was like that-maybe- but maybe not because it was such a rare occurance, and then I learned scarcity in my household.  If I was offered a cookie and waited to have it later, my brother  would eat them all- and I would be very disappointed later that I hadn't gotten any.  That special ocassion may not come again for months!  I think in that environment- I learned to eat it because it was there-whether I wanted it or not- eat the special food that may not come again- and it got elevated to super special category.

I see this same thing happening with my best friends teenage son who is 13, and is my sons best friend. This kid is tall, will be very tall. He is bigger boned than my kid, and has always eaten 3x as much.  He eats fast, shovels it in- always asks for seconds and thirds, has a reputation for his appetite. 

He eats way healthier than my kid, like he has lots of salad without dressing, broccoli, lots of things my kid will not eat.  However,  his family put him on a gluten free, wheat free, dairy free, soy free diet due to allergies (not life threatening but leads to very bad congestion/trouble with sleep etc). That was about 5 years ago.

 This kid I'll call Jay, gets sweets and bread and cookies etc.... when he is away from home, and on" special occasions".  Ive seen him put away 3 cupcakes and look for more- he is a v *** and gravitates towards all the junk food way more than my kid who is allowed to eat it every day in moderation. It has become super important to him-  he will sneak it if he needs to and really looks forward to situations where he knows there will be dessert and his parents will not be around to monitor him (like at some scouting events). His mom supports him in having a little here and there, dad demands he abstains 98 percent of the time.

I have spoken with my best friend from my place , my concerns for her son is that he will someday overdo it to the point of obesity (he does not get as much physical activity as my kid) from my perspective of this food becoming too special, too important because of the severe restriction.  I think they'd do better to keep gluten free cookies etc around, let him have this stuff in moderation daily after his protein and salad meals.

So- In my home, I buy organic cheese puffs , all snacks organic and without hydroginated oils and colors and dyes.  The healthiest versions of those crappy food substitutes.  My kids are allowed to have them, after real food choices, and I portion them out into a container- no eating from the bag or box or standing up. 

My older son is told to read the label. My kids do NOT drink soda more than 4 times a year- at a party or movie. They dont drink juice either, only whole fruit smoothies in the vita mix. I rarely buy things like sugar cereal or poptarts or potato chips but do buy tortilla chips, the cheese chips, and protein bars.

 My older son has learned about blood sugar and glycemic index and not to overload on carbs in one meal.  When he eats snacks, after his portion, it is time to choose a different food group-  they are not told to stop eating because I want them to eat when hungry stop when full (and I never ever make them clean their plate). My 13 year old self regulates- If I buy a treat food- he will tell me, I had a cookie at school so no thank you.  If they don't want it now,but wish t o have it later it is saved with their name on it....it will still be there waiting for them.  Nothing is forbidden, it is not sacred... I save them their left over chicken etc too.  Their food is their food to finish at their pace/intake. I have never eaten their left overs.

So- just my two sense-  the forbidden fruit or the rare scare "treat" can become all too important.  I think I owe my obesity to the learned scarcity from my childhood.  I learned to eat it anyway or I wouldnt get it, scarf it down... not even taste it....because it would be gone later and I wouldnt have gotten my fair share or something stupid like that.  I have had many serious chats with myself that I can walk or drive to the closest 7-11 and buy myself any crap I want now-  yet still ,those ingrained childhood issues drive me.

Just my take- that is why my kids are not on my eating plan- though I teach them protein first and why, I do restrict soda because  of the sugar content too high and I think its addictive with no value at all, and I try to get them to recognize what a serving is, when they should move on to another choice if still hungry and how some of this is not really "food" as in noursihment.

Just another view to consider.

Christina

 

Eh, my kids get PLENTY of crappy food outside the house. They haven't started hoarding cookies since I stopped buying them because they still can get as many as they want. It's way different than growing up poor and I know this because I grew up poor.

Not having Oreos in the house 24/7 but not telling your kids they CAN'T HAVE Oreos, letting them have them, if they want to when you are out somewhere and they buy them with their allowance or are offered them at a friend's is just way different than having to eat the food that "falls off the back of the truck" that your Dad drives (sometimes, when he works at all) even if it's a pouch of bright orange melted cheese from Stouffers that you pour over toasted Wonder Bread and that's what's for dinner. [I still have traumatic memories of that 'meal'.]

I also think your other example is again, not the same. You have a teenager who is at the age of rebellion dealing with a health problem that forces him to eat in a way that makes him stand out from his peers. Not. the. same.

I always appreciate your views and insights :)  I agree.

I'm just commenting on MY experience- the forbidden fruit became all too important to ME for some reason.  I doubt my hubby got much sweets and treats and he still couldnt care less about them.  Just does not have a sweet tooth.  He will eat it if offered and he has room, but has never ever said he craves anything, its all just food to him. 

My only point is-  I see this kid being forbidden foods, and I see him want them more, even though he eats a very healthy diet otherwise.  I see a drive, and its been going on since before he was a teenager. I think there is a difference- not having it in your house to tempt you, or be a regular offering, but your knowing they get regular offerings and are allowed- are different than banning the food... making it the forbidden fruit. 

For myself any time I told myself I couldnt have a food- I immediately craved it!  I wasnt a rebelling teenager (tho maybe rebelling).

hard to say what causes what- some kids if allowed to self regulate may not be able to/have a different mechanism....maybe my  kid is more like his dad than me and it has nothing to do with choice...and maybe his friend is more like my food personality and would choose cheesecake over chicken all day long if allowed to.  Too many independent variables to know cause and effect.  i'm just stating my reasons for not making it taboo.  That being said I did myself the favor of not buying ANY girl scout cookies this year.  Some things are just a derailment waiting to happen!

Christina

We do our best to stick to whole foods here. Our lives changed 2 years ago. We all talked about it and what it meant if we decided to clean up our bodies and food choices.

Do we never have cookies in the house? Of course not, but we buy one bag of good cookies, not 4 bags. And it's rare. Or hubby will make cookies himself now and then. For me, the key is not having it in the house ALL the time, or heck... even 1/4 of the time.

I think honesty is the best policy. My kids are now 10 and 12 and I was honest with them about surgery, about my bad food habits, about our families declining food choices and what I wanted to do to make it better. We learned about food labels and nutrition and, well... we cleaned up our act. When we go out to eat it makes me smile to see them making good choices - simply because it's what tastes better these days and what they're used to.

That's Great Candy!  Having the whole family on board certainly probably makes it easier. We don't buy four bags of cookies either, never did. And I certainly don't want my kids to think every meal has to end with dessert-  my point is only that i grew up without it... and I was ALWAYS looking for dessert anyway!   I didnt grow up with it as an option, yet still chose to eat it the second I was able to buy it for myself-  much like kids who are raised without t.v. etc... may go off and become addicted to it.

 I am not for one minute saying that we all shouldn't make better choices, set good examples, (I started when I became diabetic... but was also never a big fast food person and never fed my kids fast food or sodas)... and if we cant' stay away from crap "foods", ban the ones we cannot leave alone from our house to take care of ourselves.  For some people that will be the cookies, for others the chips, for others.. all of it!  I also think that there is merit in teaching them to read the labels, be smart consumers, educate them on healthy choices.... which I do for t.v. and video games etc as well.  But I will always have tortilla chips on my counter- not a trigger for me, but I do miss them with salsa.... at the end of the day I have to stay away from it wherever it crops up- but I do have certain foods I cannot resist so I have to keep them away period.

You've done a fantastic job!  Whatever you're doing sure has worked !  way to GO !

Christina

I have two teenage daughters and a toddler and I think about this all the time.  I grew up in a house of obese people that always had some junk food available.  Not the best kinds but there was usually ice cream and some other treats around.  I grew up eating as much as I could get my hands on whenever I could.  I spent my allowance and babysitting money on candy.  My best friend had a pantry FULL of all the best chips, cookies, and snacks.  And no one at her house over ate!  They were all skinny and would have just a bit from time to time. 

I agree there is something to making something forbidden and kids wanting it more.  I also think some people just love the fatty and sugar foods, it's in our DNA.  It's a combination of that and what's taught.  My 17 year old rarely craves sweets and when she does eats only a small portion.  She weighs 100pounds on a good day.  I'm so lucky she has natural good habits as well as the knowledge of why good choices are important.  The other teen, well I see her struggling with her weight in her 20s.  Shes her own whole post :). But the baby is a great eater and has had no processed foods, much to my MIL's dismay.  I believe that by having great nutrition her first few years she will be better equipped for when she gets to make some of her own choices. 

One of my biggest fears is passing on my food issues to my girls.