I binged...its always darkest before the dawn!

Yesterday I ate 8 sugar cookies, 2 tim horton donuts, 1 vanilla cupcake and 1 small bag of buttered movie theatre popcorn.  Not all at once, mind you.  I broke almost all the rules for post-op eating...I grazed throughout the entire afternoon and evening.  Mind you, I didn't drink with my food...so at least I had to stop each time I felt full for a little while.  I ate about every 1.5 hours...so clearly not minding the "don't eat more than every 2 hours" as advised by my centre's dietician.

Things I have learned...

I definitely don't dump...at all.

I need more practice with the "eat to live, not live to eat" mindset

It tasted good...but it wasn't nirvana or anything

PMS is a *****

Wonky hormones + lack of sunshine + a broken heart = any excuse I need to relapse and eat myself crazy...ohh, the serotonin stupour was nice..I definitely got a mellow buzz from the food (drugs)

Honesty is the only best policy for me...I logged it in myfitnesspal (oh, the shame), I emailed my bariatric centre and asked for a CBT referral due to a binge eating episode

It's a NEW DAY people...and I feel great!  Relapse is part of recovery and I am going to make better choices today to stay on plan.  And just to keep myself really clear, this is what my recovery looks like....

Eat 3 meals and up to 3 snacks a day

Eat protein first, then veggies/fruit, then starchy carbs/grains

Eat at least 80g of protein a day

Don't drink 30 mins before and 60 mins after a meal

Keep meals around 1 cup of food

Don't eat more than every 2 hours

Drink my water and take my vitamins (this I have never had a problem with so far)

Implement some non-food related strategies for self care....calling/texting/seeing friends, walking/cardio exercise, read some buddhist philosophy, meditate, listen to music, hug my kid, clean my house, read, watch a funny movie/show, come to OH and post my joys,sorrows, failures and successes, remind myself of what a truly lovely person I am :)

 

Thanks for reading and just wanted to share as part of a long term recovery process for myself...but I'm also sure that this may be helpful to someone else at some point and that is really the whole point of being on this board, afterall.

 

Sorry you had such a bad day. I find myself as I get to goal sabotaging myself. I am not sure that I know what eating after surgery is about. I also do not dump from sweets. For me it's I have been good for 11 mths now can't I just eat the odd thing. Then it scares the heck out of me as I am afraid it is a slippery slope to weight gain.

I hope you figure it out. It is definitely a conversation I will have with the nut in January

Thank you for sharing Sandy. Today is a new day.

 

so easy to do.  At first I thought you were doing a wonky 12 days of Christmas.  I have wondered if one makes an error in judgment and eats a cupcake, lets say just for discussion (yeah yeah don't bother posting don't do it, we're all adults here and we know that) we DID drink a bunch of water immediately...  would that help wash the cake at least partially from absorption?  

Its good you asked for help, hug yourself and get back on the weight loss horsey!  

I had my two oatme 10:al cookie...prefaced by kielbasa, protein first!! LOL. And indeed it was 4 a.m. in the midst of feeling very down, PMS, and teary. I logged my 450 calories into MFP for today (since it was 4 a.m.) and now my Fit***** is telling me that after my protein coffee i only have 350 calories left for the day LOL. And it's only 10:45!! However, it changes throughout the day, and will change again after my run.

A new day....you still might dump though. My dumping episodes only occured when I ate sugar followed by a big glass of milk. Not having liquid might have saved you. But we are all different :-)

 

Thanks Pat, Katie, Ian and Kelly for your supportive words!  Its all a learning curve in life...and my learning curve with food and weight has been especially steep...but I am never giving up. I'm just going to keep learning about what works for me.  "A successful person is not someone that has never made a mistake, its someone that took the time to learn from their mistakes"....this is my motto in life.  

awww it will get better.. Look at the self awareness you posted.. I would need road signs to have that much insight

PMS is a ***** Wonky hormones + lack of sunshine + a broken heart

Those are legitimate challenges to deal with.. Even ONe would send me over the edge so congrats to you for dealing with all four

Lack of sunshine,,, suggestion? Sun Lamp x 30 minutes  really truly called seasonal affective disorder and this fall has been THE worst I've ever seen. .. So maybe that and some vitamin D? I eat 4000 units a day

huggers.... well done.. brave woman

Thanks for your kind and supportive words, mermaidz!

Hi there my friend,

We have something in common. I am a binge eater as well. I never really labelled it before surgery but definitely know the label fits.  I've looked into local eating disorder programs and luckily, they had programs that I could be into once they diagnosed me which they did. I don't know if you have any such programs in your community but you might want to do a little research on it or look into if you have any coverage for therapy or psychological supports - or hell, call your Bariatric Clinic social worker and she may get the ball rolling on this. PLEASE tell your centre. The more they know of this existing, the more supports they can put into place as well.

I'm 6.5 years out now and deal with this every day. Some days the binges are under my control, and other days not so much. 

One week I can bring in a bag of something, say Hershey's kisses and have 2 a day as a treat and regulate them well...other times, I bring it in and then it leads to a binge. It's not the food that creates the binge - it's my state of mind, and how I deal with stress, frustration etc.  It's more about the mindset.  

When I have a binge, the best thing for me to do is to get rid of it. I commend you on throwing out your food in the last post.  Sometimes that is honestly the best solution.  Cognitive behavioural therapy is usually something that works well with us - we have to change the way our mind works.  Surgery didn't fix our heads.

Someone in your post last time said "don't worry - you are underweight".  THAT DOESN'T MATTER.   It's the behaviour of the binge that needs to be dealt with.   It won't go away on it's own.  

No one taught me moderation either.  Or how to get rid of that "elation" of feeling like you are getting away with something while on a binge. Nor the shame it brings.

Please message me anytime.

 

Dawn

 

 

 

Dawn!! I didn't know that you had this issue (sorry if you have posted about it in the past). It is a hard demon to work with. When I binge, it is plain and simple because i'm sad, and I actively REFUSE to use my CBT to control it. Now I have to work on not refusing that.

I am mortified that someone suggested that because she was underweight it was ok to binge. It is never ok. :-(