Why did you join this site?

Hello,

I am failry new to the site still and I very quickly became addicted to reading all the blogs and getting as much information as I possibly can. I think WLS is a big deal and anything we can do to help eachother is great.

I hadn't had the opportunity to get online over the weekend so I am just catching up on the posts and I'm almost wanting to stop reading. I thought this site was to support eachother and help eachother along the way?

I am feeling annoyed and discouraged right now after reading a lot of negativety. It would be awesome if we could all use the site for it's intended purpose. Be there for eachother and support eachother.

I haven't even received my orientation letter yet so I have many months and hopefully years to be on this site and hope that people can keep it friendly so this site can be enjoyable.

Have a good night,

Jenn

 This forum is a very big family full of love and support but it has it's occasional dysfunction as well.    When I was first starting my journey I learned so much from this board.  I ignored the drama that tended to crop up now and then and took from it what I needed - the good, the bad and the ugly, as it related to WLS.

The more time I spent on here the more I got to know the various personalities of those who stick around for the long haul.  Those who will support you for years to come but who will also tell you like it is when necessary.

There are many people who join this board for very short periods of time - perhaps some don't like the drama, but I'd venture a guess that many people get what they need and don't think they need anymore so they move along with their regular lives and leave the board behind.  

This is both short sighted and somewhat selfish in my opinion.  Short sighted because statistics show that people *****main involved in any kind of support group will have greater long term success than those who don't.  Selfish because everyone is here voluntarily.  We join to get what we need when we need it, and we stay to pay it forward.  

There really is but a handful of old timers who have stuck around and when someone new comes in and creates a situation that they have an issue with, you'll hear about it.  Why?  Because they know.  They've seen it all and they want the newbies to be PROPERLY INFORMED.  Why?  Because they care a great deal more than anyone gives them credit for!

So do I care for the drama?  Not at all.  Why do I stay?  

1) Because these are some of the most real people I will ever meet in my WLS journey and I know they are there for me when I need support.
2) Because if I and the other old timers left the newbies would be faced with a barrage of conflicting information that could be risky and dangerous for them.

Sue, once again you hit the nail on the head.  I too get disgusted by the drama at times.   Even so,  I will stay and hopefully my experience will be of value to a new person.  I am often able to visit with OH members who've just had surgery and it really makes a difference to them.  I have at times managed to go to PATTS with others who may not have a family member available to go with them.  Just small ways I can pay it forward. 

That is one reason I stay, that, and also the friendships I've made here.  I've met some incredible people, both male and female, that I probably would never have known had it not been for this Forum.  I am grateful for the genuine friendships I've made.

I'll let those who enjoy the drama carry on, I myself will continue to do what I do. 

Well said Sue!


Cheryl

Great post Sue, well done, I second all that you said LOL 

Take care all

Eileen   

 http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/on/4359399/Why-Im-Still-H ere-After-5+-Years/

See my post above.  Why I am still here after 5 years of being on OH

Dawn

Well said ladies, we need each other and just like life there is dysfunction. I am only 2 weeks post op and use this site all the time for others guidance and wisdom, Some people are grumpy but that is life and we need to ignore the negative and focus on the good. You ladies are amazing and thank you for helping me as I gegin my journey,,, don't read the negative if it id not life supporting or look closely to see if and why it applies to your life :)

I'm here for support and to get a kick in the ass when I need it.

I've learnt more here than from any dieticians and "hand out material" provided through the process. The surgery gave me the tool to start this journey but its going to take vigilance every day of my life to not go back to where I was.  Coming here keeps me mindful.  Listening to other's success and failures helps me realise what I need to do to be in the succesful group of people. And yeah being called on stupidity isn't fun but in the end its the best gift anyone can give a newcomer or a veteran.  Personally I hate being called on my stupidity as it makes me feel stupid. But in the end I'd be stupider if I didn't listen so I suck it up and learn.

And yeah drama happens. Quite often people don't get that true support isn't always what they want to hear and fight the message they are hearing. Then when they realise the message they are hearing is the right one they turn the fight to the way the message was delivered - as they are still in "fight" mode. 

One has to be ready to hear the message to listen and not all are .  We've all built a lot of defences up about our size and our eating and we come into this journey with a lot of baggage - and it ends up showing the in way of drama.

 

 I appreciate all the views and opinions on the board. To me the "negative" post in a way centers me and reminds me of not letting my mind wonder into dark places where it use to reside at times and still does. I feel since my surgery I have evolved and am able to process information better, specifically about my body! I trust myself more to decide what pertains to me and what I view as "dysfunctional".

Jenn, when I first found OH over 4 years ago (I think)....newbies are all in the same boat...reading, reading...reading...taking notes...doing some more reading...asking questions...I don't have to repeat what the ladies have already posted...just take what you can and apply it to you!!  Great advice from some great people!!  Patti K.

Very well said, Sue!  I would like to add, that although I avoid the drama as well, it can be very frustrating.  Often the reason for drama stems from an uniformed newbie, who wants to get all their information by asking questions on here, rather than doing any research or by taking their classes or asking their Doctor's for information. 

By no means do I want people to stop asking questions, but there have been a barrage of them lately, with questions that are very basic and would have been covered in the first class or two of orientation.  MOST questions are excellent and should be asked, but as far as I'm concerned, a rude answer is not necessary either.  If someone is bugging you, BLOCK them, it will save a lot of unnecessary irritation.  I also hope that new people (yes, I was one once, lol), stay, take what they need, leave the rest, and remember that we may have experience, but are NOT MD's.  If you have any concerns medically, feel free to ask, but your Doctor is the only one from whom you should take advice.  We are indeed a dysfunctional family and really do need each other in the big picture.