Question:
Does anyone else pre op feel that they just don't want go out in public untill this..
Ever sense I started looking into WLS I don't want to go anywere or see anyone till after. My home town is 5 hrs north of here and my friends are bugging me to come see them...(*they all even drove down here last weekend). I used to go every other weekend but I want to wait. I feel like Im becoming a hermit waiting for a miracle... — Snowflake48342 (posted on February 2, 2003)
February 1, 2003
Alicia, hi. I had my surgery a little over a year ago and life has taken
on a whole new meaning. Pre-op, I passed up so many opportunities to be
sociable because I was just too miserable with my own self-image, even tho
I knew my friends still loved me. I would even shop for groceries at very
odd hours (like 2-3 a.m.) to avoid running into people I knew. All the
more reason for you to get on with it and have the surgery! Believe me, I
know how you are feeling. I am down 111 lbs. and not at goal yet, but feel
self-confident enough that on a recent visit to my hometown, Chicago, I
looked up all my old friends and it was wonderful! Have a great journey!
— Annie H.
February 1, 2003
Alicia, I felt the same way pre-op. I hated my body, hated the way it felt,
& oh boy, I was an emotional mess. One of the things I did when I was
waiting for surgery was really get in touch with the reasons I was in so
much pain. Why did my body decide to provide me with so much fat. What was
it protecting me from? How did my actions reflect my mental & emotional
state. Honey, you're not alone. OA meetings are fantastic & going to
some WLS support meetings will probably lighten your spirit. AND, last but
not least, call your friends. Tell them what you're feeling & thinking.
They love you. That's obvious. Let them hold your hand as you walk through
this messed up period. This is a chance for you to build a stronger
relationship with yourself & your friends. Take care of you.
— LionGirl2k
February 2, 2003
I can't say I've been a hermit, however I do avoid certain social things
and pass up fun opportunities. What is funny is that in 10 years I have
rarely ran into any of my old high school friends. In the last 2 months I
have ran into a bunch of them. My 10 year reunion is this coming summer
and I think it's cool they are seeing me now and in 6 months *hopefully*
I'll be a brand new me - just in time for the reunion!
— roryleigh
February 2, 2003
According to a friend of mine (she's a postop and working on her doctorate
in Psychology), there's a couple things happening. 1) Our minds are
preparing for the change that will accompany WLS e.g. the very real
possibility that we will be slim and normal. 2) We are no longer in denial
about how obese we really are and become more conscious about our size,
again, a result of the very real possibility that we will be normal. As
she explained it... fat is an insolator and we go into denial about how big
we are and how deliberating the obesity is. Now that we have the real
possibility of weight loss we are forced to deal with it and forced to deal
with the issue that we really are not "normal."
<p> Prior to the preop phase I wouldn't care. I would have my
defenses and attitude up to defend against the criticism. I would have my
rationalizations that I really wasn't that fat and that it was just the way
I was created and I would be damned if I let other's opinion from
preventing me from enjoying things that everyone else is enjoying.
However, sometime in January, I really started feeling how big I was and
how ashamed I was for going into Cold Stones for ice cream with some
friends. I think the fact that I'm confronting the weight issue with eyes
wide open, I've become more conscientious about the effects of weight on my
life and how it really makes me feel. This whole process really makes us
confront the weight issue. For many years as a MO person I never thought I
was big enought for surgery. That surgery was for really fat people who
would die without it. Then when I started researching WLS and being
APPROVED as a good candidate... I am now a really fat person. Can't deny
it any longer.
<p>Realize what is happening and accept what is happening so it
doesn't cheat you out of good experiences (visiting friends etc).
<p> Take Care, Be Well, and Be Happy!
— John T.
February 2, 2003
I am totally feeling the same way! My friends are always asking me to go
out dancing with them and I'm constantly telling them no. They're all very
thin (like model thin) so I tell them that one day I will go with them. My
one very good friend guessed correctly that I was waiting for my surgery to
happen before I wanted to go out. It's more than that, but I was too
ashamed to tell her that it hurts my feet, ankles, and knees to dance. I
cannot find cute club clothes in my size. I try to tell myself not to put
too much stuff on hold until my surgery and that if my friends love me for
who I am right now, then maybe I should too. Thanks for asking the great
question and good luck!
— Rhonda J.
February 2, 2003
Oh, boy, can I relate here. For months prior to surgery I became a hermit.
I was so totally embarrassed by the way I looked. My husband could not
look at me without disgust in his eyes and since he looks like the cover of
Muscle and Fitness magazine, I did not want to be seen in public with him
(can you imagine the stares-the fat girl and the bodybuilder?). I didn't
want friends to see me and even work was a burden. I refused all social
invitations-frankly, I had extremely low self-esteem. 1 year and 93 pounds
later, I am a happy, self-confident and fun friend to be around. This will
happen for you too. Hang in there-your time is coming.
— Cindy R.
February 2, 2003
I can totally relate. I can sit in my home for an entire week without any
desire to leave. I hate to put on Jeans, as they actually are very
uncomfortable, and I do not go in public in my sweatpants. I am wanting to
have this surgery and to loose some weight. I did get a good look at myself
as I was waiting for my daughter in a dressing room. Caught a glimps of
myself in the 3 way mirror-what a HORRIBLE sight. I now feel sorry for my
Husband and my kids- they must be so embarrassed of me! Oh well I liked how
one of the prev. posters described it-that we now have faced up to our
obesity. Good luck with what comes your way.
— Jan S.
February 2, 2003
Hi Alicia,
What you are feeling is VERY normal!! I had always been a very outgoing,
very popular friend with pretty good self-esteem until I got into the
actual process to getting WLS. I finally confronted my true feelings and
the reality of it all: I was a young 23 year old, extremely obese
individual at risk of a premature death because of my weight problem. It's
pretty hard-hitting when you finally stop giving yourself that "I'm
okay the way I am" lie, and realize that, no, actually you're not okay
and you need to do something about it. On top of that, realizing that you
have finally found the cure that you've been longing for all of those years
makes you not want to do anything the way you are, not until you can
"fix" the problem!! I spent a lot of the time in the last couple
months before surgery just really deliberating how bad life really is being
morbidly obese. Reading profiles all day long of how others felt so badly
before surgery also made me stop lying to myself and come to terms with how
I really did feel about being so overweight. This is one of the phases of
having the surgery that all WLS patients have experienced. It may seem
really depressing, but the "other side" feels so good, and I
believe in letting myself become vulnerable to my experiences. It makes
life feel real, and not like you're just floating through it. Although it
was one of the ultimate lows in my life, I feel that it was an experience
that helped to enrich the rest of my journey, and I wouldn't trade it for
anything else. Good luck and email me if you would like to share your
feelings with me. :) Ciao bella
— Iris B.
February 2, 2003
Yes, I (Renee) have TOTALLY felt this way! My hubby and I were just
talking about this very subject a couple of nights ago. My little bro is
getting married soon and I don't want to go to the wedding cuz I don't want
everyone to see me sooooo fat! My DH is so supportive - always telling me
I'm beautiful. Well, this weekend was our anniversary. I wanted to look
and feel pretty for him so I went to Macy's and bought a new blouse (that
fit comfortably and covered my butt and tummy). I took the time to fix my
hair and do my makeup. Sheesh - guess what? I felt so much better about
myself. I still don't like the triple chins I see in the mirror - but we
had several pics taken over the course of the weekend and I actually felt
good about them.
Anyways, back to the point. I can totally relate. My home town is 3 hours
from here, my high school reunion is this summer and I would just prefer to
avoid everyone till about 6 months from now :) Surgery is scheduled
4/8/03.
So, take care of yourself, get out and enjoy life and try to focus on the
positive and beautiful things in life. Best wishes to you!
— jnc
February 2, 2003
Alicia, I know just what you mean. I am pre-op and I have been taking a
long, cold look at myself for the past few months. I have said things to my
husband about my weight that I kept to myself for years. We've been
together for almost 20 years and we've talked about things in the last few
months that I would have never even thought about revealing before.
Sometimes, I didn't even realize I felt a certain way about something until
I said it out loud. So it can be a shock to see yourself as you are, but
it's a good shock. Especially since we know we are about to change who we
are.
— Tammyjo
February 2, 2003
I feel the same way, my husband can't understand it even though I have
tried to explain it to him. My nephew was christened today and I got to see
some family and friends that I haven't seen in a while and when it came
picture time I just about cowared under a pew...only I didn't fit under
one. I have to face an annual trip in June that I will likely only be a
month post op at the time and I don't want to go. I am really looking
forward to getting out there again and being the social butterfly I was
when I was thin.
— Sarah S.
February 2, 2003
I remember feeling this way the summer before my RNY. I just wanted to hide
all the time. Of course, I couldn't do that. So I dealt with it by telling
myself "Just wait til they see what I look like in a year." and
"Next year when I walk into this room/onto this baseball field/into
church/whatever, no one will know me." And yanno what? I WAS RIGHT!
Hang in there. hugs,
Ann rny 9/10/99 260/124
— [Deactivated Member]
February 2, 2003
I must be an odd ball here. I am pre-op and want people to see me, but
want to hide after I have the surgery until I get to a point where people
are going to see me and go WOW!
— Marcy S.
February 3, 2003
Hi Alicia, don't feel so bad. I feel the same way. I'm even finding that I
don't want to go to the grocery store. I had a wake to go to for my ex
husbands aunt that had died. I just didn't want the family to see me how
heavy I am now so I took my son and went during the times no one was there,
signed my name to the book, so they couldn't say I wasn't there. Hang in
there! Brighter days are coming!
— Darlene C.
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