Question:
Is anyone in post op counseling for weight loss issues?
I am wondering how many issues related to dysmorphia, not being the fat lady, being sexier than ever, change in social power, are being handled by you all post-ops. Any comments? — merri B. (posted on May 17, 2000)
May 17, 2000
I am not "post op" as of yet, not til July. I did loose 200
pounds over
20 yrs ago, though. I kept about 75% of it off for about 17 yrs. Then some
very negative things (depression,etc) began happening in my life all at
once.
The weight seemed to pile back on. I was not doing the same things I'd been
doing
for 17 yrs prior to keep the wt off. Back to the question you asked about
counseling
after wt loss. I was in therapy for a very long time and I also read all I
could get my
hands on about emotional issues related to this problem. I found out a lot
about myself.
Maybe that is one of the reasons I was able to keep the wt down for so long
of a time.
I found that the massive amt of wt helped keep a "wall" between
me and the people
that I thought might "hurt" me in some way or another. I found
that the lack of nurturing
I had as a child could be found by using food to take it's place. I found
that I ate to help
me when I felt lonely, scared, nervous, upset, etc. I used food as a tool
to handle my emotions..
emotions that I had not learned any other way to cope w/ in the past. I
used food to keep a wall between
myself and men. I did not trust men and what better way is there to keep
them away from you than to get as
fat as possible?! I learned that I did not like myself, nor did I take care
of myself in the important areas
of health. My self esteem was very low..don't know which came first,
"the chicken or the egg." I learned that
I got into relationships w/ abusive men and stayed there, cause I didn't
think I deserved anymore..after all,
who wants a fat woman??!!....an abusive man, that's who. He can control her
and treat her anyway that he wants
cause he knows how she feels about herself and probably won't leave no
matter how cruel that he treats her! She
thinks no one else will want her...and he helps to reinforce that idea
regularly. I learned that I used the fat to
keep from doing the things that normally would be required of me if I were
thin. I had myself in the "victim" role
and what better way to stay in that role, than to stay fat?? I used it to
keep from getting on w/ my life..from getting
emotionally close to others, especially men. I could go on and on..like
when I was eating NO ONE could control me and tell
me what to put in my mouth. Maybe they could in other areas, but not in the
way that I ate. Oh, they tried to many times, but
I "showed them"....I ate more and more. I didn't know any of
these things prior to therapy, I don't think. If I did, I would not
admit to them. I kept many "secrets"....and I learned that we are
as sick as our secrets. I learned to deal w/ the skeltons in my
closet and that opened a door to freedom that I never knew existed! I
learned to be honest w/ myself and others. Maybe all these
things are why I am so angry w/ myself right now for gaining this weight
back after such a long time of keeping it off. I know that
it is much harder for the morbidly obese to keep wt at a normal level. I
struggled my entire life since age 9. Somehow, I thought that
I would never gain the 200 lbs back, again..after all the hard work I went
thru to keep it off, both physically and mentally...yet, all
is not lost cause I know what I am about, now even though I gained wt back.
I know how to deal w/ myself when I loose the weight, again.
I may have to go back into therapy for a little while for a refresher
course, I am not sure. I would STRONGLY SUGGEST that anyone loosing
huge amts of wt get into therapy and deal w/ the hidden issues behind the
huge food consumption. It will be a safeguard to help ensure that
they weight stays off along w/ other things like eating right and exercise.
After all, we took a big risk in deciding to get this surgery.
Why not do all we can to insure that we keep the weight off. Weight does
not magically stay off..no matter what tools that you use. You still
have to work on it "one day at a time."...or it WILL COME BACK. I
PROMISE.
— kathy S.
May 17, 2000
I will be having surgery on 5/31. I am starting counseling
this week. I fully believe that each of us should seek counseling to help
us deal with the loss's we face in our loss of food, our relationshiip
change with food, the loss of signifigant amounts of weight, and how we
deal with others.
I know that after being this large for so long I will not know how to
"be" as a thin person. It seems scary to me that others will be
looking at me and seeing me in a different way. Also, what does one do
when, instead of leaning on food, we need solice?
— twenc
May 17, 2000
Merri,
Funny you should ask that question right now- I am going through
hell (in counseling) as I try and figure out who I really am.
I have hid so much from myself over the years as I stuffed
feelings and memories down with food. Now that I am not
stuffing, feelings and memories of an abusive childhood are
rearing their ugly heads. I have been in and out of counseling
over the past 12 years, and I know the last hurdle I have to get over
is to feel everything that has happened to me and get past it.
I never got past all this garbage cause I hid from it with the help
of food. It has not been pleasant, to say the least, but it is necessary
for me to make this surgery work for my lifetime. I refuse
to let my past continue to affect my future, as well as my
husband's and kid's futures! The dysfunction IS stopping
with this generation:) Merri, if you are going through this,
too, and want to write, please do. Perhaps we can bolster
each other up- [email protected] Good Luck and thanks
for asking a question that helps me to acknowledge what is
happening to me!
— M B.
May 17, 2000
Unfortunately I think the mental health field is woefully unprepared to
help WLS patients adequately. I have had such a positive experience with
this surgery muself that I have decided to use my own experience as a
marriage and family therapist for 15 years and also as a WLS patient to
improve education for clinicians about weight loss surgery. I hope to raise
the bar at least a little in acceptance of these proceedures among
professionals and to provide education and resource materials for
therapists who want to learn more about how to help us. At the
international meeting this month in New York I gathered over 50 signatures
from clinicians around the country and even some overseas - all who work
with the morbidly obese and who expressed a serious interest in learning
more about the needs of our "population". We will be meeting
again in Van Couver next year. Wish me luck. I'll need it.
— Carol M.
May 17, 2000
I forgot to add in my last posting that I found out many things
about myself thru being involved w/ Overeaters Anonymous, too..listening
to others stories about how they struggled w/ food their entire lives and
how they used food as a tool to handle life's problems. You might want to
ck
out a few meetings of OA to see if it might help you gain some insight of
your own.
You can find the central office of OA listed in your phone book. They will
tell you
where there are meetings in your own area.
— kathy S.
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