Question:
Is dating for single post ops harder now than it was before surgery?
For me, now that I am near my goal, it's hard to tell the difference between casual conversation and someone showing interest in me. Everyone treats me differently. I'm also thinking that the women that now DO give me the time of day must be shallow, because they didn't before. Does anyone else deal with this, or is it just me? — M H. (posted on July 1, 2002)
July 1, 2002
I've wondered about that too. Lately though, I'm starting to think that a
lot of it is my confidence. Not only do I look people in the eye more when
they walk by, I also say hi. I think I've even flirted a time or two now
<gasp>. 65 pounds ago, I'd look at people until they were about 20
feet away, then I'd cast my eyes downward as they walk by. That certainly
doesn't invite conversation! Anyway, I'm not going to try to say that
people aren't shallow, but realize that it's likely you project as a
friendlier more open person. More comfortable in your body perhaps? At
least in my case that is true. Congratulations on being close to goal and
good luck.
— Meredith P.
July 1, 2002
All I can tell you is that when I lost 80 pounds a few years ago on
Phen-fen - I felt more desireable and I KNOW I projected that confidence
when I was in public. I can definitely tell a difference now that the
weight is back - If anyone were to try and flirt with me now I'd think they
were desperate or crazy - pretty sad but that's what your mind does to you
when your self-esteem isn't what it should be. You are a different person
altogether now - both inside and out - and therefore you need to start from
scratch when it comes to getting reactions from people - give someone a
chance to prove whether they are truly shallow or superficial before
writing them off - if they are one of "those" people - it will
become apparent in other ways quite quickly. Good Luck and Congrats!!
— Kim A.
July 1, 2002
It's VERY different. I think when I was overweight I would tray VERY hard
to make the guy like me or to please him. I figured I had to because I was
so fat. Now, I'm thinner and I don't feel like I have to try like that. I
feel like I'm more myself. If they don't like me, I could care less.
There's another one just around the corner!! If they do like me, there
actually seeing the "real" me so they must like the
"real" me more.
As far as being upset because people are paying attention to you now as to
when you were fat, ask yourself the question, "what do you find
PHYSICALLY attractive in a person?". Everyone's answer will be
different. Some people will not find skinny people attractive, just like
some won't find fat people attractive. Some don't like redheads and some
don't like blondes. Everyone's taste is different.
— Patty H.
July 2, 2002
I don't know about dating.. I'm 44 and never did date so I can't say. But
now that I'm lighter I don't take all the crap from people that I would
tolerate before. This one guy has crapped on me since 1983... I finally
gave it back. Not really mean, but I let him know. You know what? I got a
dollar an hour raise! Go figure! (Still scratching my head on this one).
— Danmark
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