Question:
How do you overcome Father's objections to surgery?
My Dad and I are not real close to begin with but I value his opinion. He is totally against my having this surgery. Has anyone else overcome their family's objections and attitudes? I think he is probably just concerned for my welfare, but I am too, that is why I am having this surgery done. — [Deactivated Member] (posted on February 25, 2002)
February 25, 2002
I suggest that you do not try to 'overcome' his objections or change his
mind, and tell him so. Just thank him for being concerned for your
well-being, let him know that you have done your homework and researched
the heck out of it, share some of what you have found out, and then let him
him know that, as an adult, you find the risk to be an acceptable one. Ask
him to be there for you as your walking buddy and support person after
surgery. Just my thoughts in the matter...
— merri B.
February 25, 2002
You might take him with you to your first consult with the surgeon, so he
can learn what the surgery is about, the risks, etc. You also could take
him to a support group meeting. Give hime the address to this website and
ask him to do some research. Many times, our loved ones, are afraid for us
because they don't really know enough about the surgery to be supportive.
It may be that he knew someone who had the old 'stomach stapling' operation
who didn't do well and he's thinking that's what you're having done. If
all that fails, then I think you need to follow Merri's advice. You'll
just have to make your own decision and go with that.
— garw
February 25, 2002
You could print the medical statisics of regaining after weightloss with
diet and exercise and weightloss with Rny from www.wishcenter.org it
demonstrates the need for wls effectively.
— Candace F.
February 25, 2002
for me it was my mom, she was against it.
but i just told her this is what im doing, i am glad you are so concerned
for me, but i am doing this for myself.
i am 1 week post op now, she called me yesterday to tell me how proud she
is of me for having the courage to do somthing for myself, and that she
loves me, i think that she was just worried, like all parents, just talk to
him and speak your mind.
— [Anonymous]
February 25, 2002
Hello! I want to say to you that I wish that you could overcome his
objections but as the previous posters stated he is allowed to his opinion.
You are an adult and must do what is right for you. I never ever had any
support from my family before surgery or now after surgery. They are all
overweight and don't care that they are. Every time a little something
goes wrong, ie I dump or can't tolerate something they are quick to point
out that it is 'the surgery's fault'. Well, maybe it is and maybe it isn't
but the fact of the matter is I chose to have this surgery and I didn't
need their permission to do it. I never wanted approval from them and I
still don't. What I wanted was just understanding and support, which I
never got. I have decided to put that behind me and realized it just
wasn't gonna happpen. If you do have this surgery you may have to come to
terms with this like I did. I went into the hospital with only TWO people
in my life there for me, those are still the only two people there for me
three months later. It is ok, you will be able to meet some very wonderful
people off of here that can help you and support you. I know I am one of
them and would be willing to talk with you any time you need. Just
remember it is his problem and not yours. Take care and good luck!
— purdue_1993
February 25, 2002
I do not know what your relationship has been with your father or your
family, but it is probably a good idea to first try to get him to
understand through education about the surgery, then maybe you could appeal
to the side where he loves you as a daughter. If that does'nt work Screw
him!! If he really cared about you after repeated attempts to reach out to
him then move on. If he cannot understand that sometimes you don't have to
agree with the ones that you love, you just have to support them, then you
are going to have to find a way to FORGET IT!!! ( I know, easier said than
done). My family has done nothing but berate me and put me down my whole
life. So you know what.......... They do not get to know or be involved in
this part of my life!!!! I think you have to think of it as the gift that
you are giving to yourself! If you were buying yourself a pair of shoes,
how many opinions would you get as to what color would look best????
answer...you would get the same amount of opinions as the times that you
asked!! I have no doubt that your father is concerned for your welfare, but
it does not sound like what you really want or need right now. Good Luck to
you!!!!
— Tara J.
February 25, 2002
Merri is, of course, on target. I decided what I needed to do, explained
it to family and people in my life, answered their concerns with my
research, but I was so clear about my decision, I didn't really evaluate
their feelings as it wasn't relevent -- they weren't MO and it wasn't their
medical issue to deal with.
On a similar vein, I called my mother this year prior to plastic surgery to
TELL her that I was having abdominoplasty and breast enhancement (implants)
and give her the details of time, date, hospital, etc., like a good
daughter. She replied " Well I don't believe in implants."
Without missing a beat (and w/o rancor) and replied, "Well you
shouldn't get them then, but I will be, next week." She was
absolutely speechless.
We sometime look to others for approval and validation on issues that we
can only validate for ourselves -- with a little help from our MO friends
on AMOS, of course.
— Jill L.
February 25, 2002
My problem was my mother.. She had been told by my uncle , who's an ER
nurse about all the problems he'd seen come in from people who had WLS..
For most of my struggle she was not behind me and wouldn't hear it.. I was
relieved she came around, but there was no "changing" her opinion
or "educating" her.. she just had to come around... She was there
the day I had surgery though, whether she approved or not I may never
know.. but at 12 weeks out, she came over Friday and looked at me and said
"I haven't seen you this small in a long time" ... the words
"Gee thanks" come to mind, but she was there for me..
— Elizabeth D.
May 8, 2002
My answer isn't really the best course for most people but it works for me.
My dear old Dad is a major hardhead. He knows and sees all. I love him
bunches but this causes him to be on the outside in most of my major life
decisions and he gets to find them out 'after the fact.'
I'm preop and again Dad finds out afterwards. I will be nervous enough
without having to play nursemaid to someone else's fears. Later on I will
be able to give him all sorts of information on the surgery without having
to suffer the fallout of his thinking there is a chance he might get a vote
in this.
Poor Daddy! But there it is. Good Luck! :)
— Carmen K.
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