Question:
What advice do you get from psychologists?

I'm 8 months out and having a terrible time with the mental side. I recently starting seeing a "shrink" for help on how to break bad habits and understanding why I eat when I know I shouldn't and I'm not even hungry. I felt like those were pretty specific questions. I've met with him twice now - the first time, I didn't expect much (nor did I get much!), the second time his pearl of wisdon was, "You need to start telling yourself no." Well, duh. If that worked, I wouldn't be seeking his help!! He is very knowledgable about the surgery and the effects, he has a lot of experience with addictions. He's great at getting to the heart of the matter and listening. But he's not giving me any help. Am I expecting too much? What do other psychologists do/say?    — jen41766 (posted on April 9, 2003)

April 8, 2003
Sometimes, you just don't "click" with a psychologist - no matter how "good" they are. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the psychologist or you, just that you don't mesh too well. I think if you don't feel that you're being helped, I'd try to find another psychologist. I personally see a psychologist who helped me understand many of my reasons for overeating BEFORE my surgery; he also was very helpful in persuading me that MO is due to more than lack of willpower, and that being fat is not a character flaw (especially when one is desperate enough to get surgery after all other options have failed). He has been very supportive, and has helped me with some of my issues after the surgery. I also have to say that I saw a couple of different psychologists that I didn't feel helped before I found this one. My advice - keep looking.
   — johanniter

April 9, 2003
I've been in therapy off and on for the past 13 years, and have much expereince with good and bad therapists. Two points you need to remember: 1) Therapy is a relationship - he needs to get to know you and you need to get to know him. 2) Therapy requires trust. Both of these things will take some time, more or less depending on how open of a person you are and how accepted and understood you feel in the session. So, give it several weeks, pay attention to how you feel, express your needs as clearly and precisely as you can, and then evaluate the progress or lack thereof. Therapy takes more than two sessions to work, but should be progressing after four or five. If not, find someone else. Best of luck to you. Robin
   — rebalspirit

April 9, 2003
Oh, and one more thing - if he says something so inane as "just say no", just tell him "If I could do that, I wouldn't be here, so help me figure out why I can't say NO!" Don't be afraid of therapists. They are working for you, and if they can't step up to the plate, you will know it by how they respond to such an interaction.
   — rebalspirit

April 9, 2003
Jennifer, Your question is very difficult to answer because it could be answered in a multitude of ways. Few therapists/psychologists are going to answer specific questions such as yours within the first two visits, but I have to agree that I don't think much of his advice. He may be the wrong therapist for you or you may need to give it a little more time. There are so many different approaches to therapy, it's hard to know which approach will work best for you. I was in group therapy situation a few years ago in which all of us had some form of eating disorder. We seldom talked about eating disorders, but addressed underlying issues such as childhood, family and other relationships. It helped with many areas of my life, but did not "cure" my dependance on food...which is why I had WLS to lose weight. Therapy is a process. Breaking free of compulsive behaviors is not simple and requires support. You might want to look for an Over Eaters Anonymous meeting in your area and check out some of the books by Geneen Roth. If you'd like to talk further, please feel free to email me. ~Cheryl
   — Cheryl D.

April 9, 2003
Original poster here just wanting to say THANK YOU for the responses! I feel like I'm doing everything I know to do to get help and I want concrete help, yesterday! I guess I'll give him more of a chance, but if I don't see something concrete in the next seesion or two, I'll move on! Overeaters Anonymous is something I hadn't thought of... a new idea!!
   — jen41766

April 10, 2003
I think the first poster (Karen) hit it on the head. I have been through more counseling than I care to remember. Now I need counseling to get over all of those bad counselors. Sorry..I meant 'bad for me' counselors. They were great for others, but if you don't 'click' it ain't gonna happen (how ya like that grammar?). I can't believe that finally...after years of repeatedly giving up and thinking I was never going to 'get it' I've found someone who I've clicked with. I can't begin to tell you the strides we've made. One thing for sure is that if I ever paid someone to tell me to 'just say no', I hope a friend kicks my butt. Good luck.
   — Diane S.

April 10, 2003
The trick with most psychologist and the like is that they listen while you talk yourself better. Eventually, you will come out with what it is that makes you do what you do. They answer your questions with questions, leading you to heal yourself. It is all right there in you, they just have to lead you to it.
   — wiggie34

April 13, 2003
I am pre-op. I am seeing a psychologist now that specializes in addiction and behavior modification. I fugured I would get a jump on it now. He is my doc for my depression too. He suggested I do this. He also said I should get with someone who has had the surgery to mentor me and call like when you are in AA. He also suggested joining a support group.
   — Tamara M.

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