Question:
Hubby does not agree WLS is for me. How can I convince him? HELP!
Ok, I went to see my surgeon last week. I am definately a canidate for WLS. Paperwork has been faxed to the insurance on Monday, but have not heard any news yet. Through the process, my husband does NOT want me to have the surgery. I've basically told him I'm doing this for me, my health, our children and to be around for him. I've been over weight since I was a teenager and would like to FINALLY be able to feel good about myself and know how it feels to be thin. Please help! I need more ammunition to convince him I'm doing the right thing. Did any of you have a spouse that was against you having the surgery?? I'm sure he's scared of losing me on the table, but I've told him in the direction I'm heading now, he'll lose me anyway if something isn't done. I'm tired to dieting and yo-yoing up and down. It's just not going to happen the natural way. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated! — Bea T. (posted on November 7, 2001)
November 6, 2001
Maybe your husband is afraid you will get so beautiful that you will leave
him? Or he is afraid you might die? Or he likes big women and that is why
he married you in the first place. All of these are valid concerns to an
insecure male. If you go ahead with the surgery and do not come to terms
with him on this you are headed into big trouble.
I would point out to him anytime it hurts to move, any time you cannot fit
into a chair or booth or how you hate the way your clothes look on you. He
has to walk in your shoes a little. You have to make him understand that
you wish to prolong your life and add to it's quality.
My husband told me he did not care if I lost weight or not, he loves me
just the same...and my husband is a fit, good looking man. He likes big
girls and I am a little concerned he might get insecure. But if I can
handle women chasing him, he can handle me getting smaller...and I am a
beautiful woman.
Just insist you need to do this for you..he will have to understand. Make
sure he knows you love him and that won't change. Show him this site and
all the happy stories. You have a better chance of dying in a car accident
than the surgery.
Good luck, I wish you well. I go to surgery next week and am looking
forward to being lighter in body and mind.
— [Anonymous]
November 6, 2001
My husband is along the same lines as yours. I just explained what the
other posted said and then I took him to the before and after pictures on
this site. He has come full circle now. He is just nervous about possible
complications. We will be fine and so will you. Go look up the pics with
him. Hope this helps :)
— Cinna G.
November 6, 2001
Make a list of all the health issues you have now, all the pains, all the
things you can't do because of your weight. Especially all the things he
wouldn't think of like fitting in seats, amusement park rides, dancing,
etc. Then take him to any support groups there may be in your area.
Knowledge is the key!!
Good luck.
— Angela B.
November 7, 2001
Introduce him to some post ops, attend support group meetings so he can see
for himself how surgery saves lives and improves health.
— bob-haller
November 7, 2001
I told my hubby that I was looking forward not using the handycapped
bathroom stalls any more. He said that he had no Idea that was happening...
— [Anonymous]
November 7, 2001
I went thru the same thing with my husband first he thought it was too
dangerous and not neccessary. I started by each time I got on this site I
would sit there and show him before and afters and read to him profiles. He
did come around. Today I told him that I would be happy to lose just
another 30 pounds and get into the 100's out of the 200's I have already
lost 93 pds he told me it didn't matter to him if I lost any more because
he loved me when I weighed 329 pounds just as much as he loves me now. So
he will come around he is probaly just worried he might lose you. Just keep
talking to him when he sees how important this is to you he will be ok with
it.
— susan V.
November 7, 2001
My husband is very supportive, but very concerned as is the rest of my
family. One day I took two backpacks and filled them with sand. I asked
him to put one on his front and one on is back. Then I filled is pockets
with rolls of coins. I let him wear a big jacket so it did not look so
funny. I made him wear that all day on a Saturday. He had to do all his
chores in and out of the house. Like I said he was supportive before but
now he is compassioniate. He never realised how tired I got from the extra
weight or how I felt when people looked at me. I think we should come-up
with a fat suit that our loved ones can wear to really know how we feel.
— [Anonymous]
November 7, 2001
I feal your pain! My husband was so against me having the surgery that he
moved out of the bedroom and wouldn't talk to me for weeks before. I had
surgery on 9/7/2001 and he has just started to come around. I just kept on
loving him no matter how he treated me. I was really hard. My mom came in
from out of town to stay with me in the hospital and a few days after. I
hope you have some support other than your husband just in case he doesn't
come around by surgery time. My husband sees now how happy I am and how
good I'm doing with the surgery. Good Luck to you.
— MARSHA D.
November 7, 2001
Oops, I meant I FEEL you pain! Duh
— MARSHA D.
November 7, 2001
I love the idea of the "fat suit" for our skinny loved ones to
know how we feel. That's great!
— [Anonymous]
November 7, 2001
Down play the cosmetic rewards and stress the medical reasons
for the surgery. There are risks and if my husband wanted such
a serious operation because he "wanted to feel good about
hiself"
or because he wanted to "know what feels like to be thin", I'd
probably have reservations about it too. Sit down and talk about
your MO and comorbidities....how they affect you now and how they
will affect you in the future if you don't tackle the weight issue
now.
— [Anonymous]
November 7, 2001
If your husband's afraid of lossing you "on the table" Tell him
there's a MUCH greater chance of you dieing from
being Morbidly Obese than on the table.
— Cindee A.
November 8, 2001
Many people will try to talk you out of it, My Dad and my brother tried. I
am glad I did not listen to them, because I have to say I am looking good
for the first time in 20 years. It is the best thing I ever did for myself.
I look good, I feel good, trust me He will be happy for you. I KNOW he
will. I am now in a size 8 from 22. I am extremly Happpy, you will be too.
Debbie H
— peaceangel58
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