Question:
Should two MOs have kids?
Is it a good idea for two MOs, to have children? Is this causing them a lifetime of fighting weight problems and perhaps ill health. Just like their perspective parents who are now both post ops. We are at the point of getting pregnant but theres a big part of me wondering if our genes are fatally flawed and shouldnt continue. — Sam J. (posted on April 15, 2003)
April 15, 2003
Well, here's my perspective...I am the 27-year-old daughter of two
MO's...and I am also MO (or was, pre-op). However, my only sibling (a
brother) is completely normal, and in fact, is a professional tennis
player. So, no, your kids are not doomed to be obese, although it is a
distinct possibility. Either way, I am thoroughly thankful that I'm
here...even with my weight issues. I think that the primary consideration
should be whether or not you truly want children...and whether or not you
will love them unconditionally... There's no rule that 2
"regular-sized" people will have a healthy child...no one gets
that kind of guarantee. By the way, I have no children, but do plan to
when my weight loss levels itself out...my husband is on the skinny
side...so we just have one set of MO genes to try to overcome in our case!
— Amy W.
April 15, 2003
Not everything is set in stone. My husband and I have a skinny daughter,
SUPER skinny. My middle son is by my previous marraige, and he leans
towards the husky side. His dad was BUFF. You just never know. And with
your new eating habits, that's how your kids would eat. You'd be setting
them up for a lifetime of healthy eating. :)
— Diana L.
April 15, 2003
Here's another side. I was super obese, my bmi was 50.6 pre-op. Not one
person in my entire family is obese or even barely overweight. I stuck out
like a sore thumb and always wondered how I got this way when my 6' tall
brother weighed 140 pounds soaking wet! So, I became obese even though no
genes seem to be present in my family. Obesity can happen for any number of
reasons. You should not spare yourself the love you will have for a child
just for fear of them becoming obese. I love my son more than anything, and
I too, think that weight could be a problem for him someday because of me.
But, I would never give him back and if it does become a problem for him
years down the road it will just make him a stronger person. I am and am
glad I was able to go through this journey the way I have. It makes me
appreciate things more today than I ever could have if I was just like the
rest of my family.
— Dee ,.
April 15, 2003
Nobody's perfect, whether it's obesity or some other flaw. My husband and I
are both MO (I'm 6 months post-op today) and we have 2 sons. My older son
is skinny, my younger son is overweight. My skinny son has poor eyesight
and refuses to wear his glasses, so there's always something to deal with.
— Yolanda J.
April 15, 2003
Here's my unscientific opinion. Although the tendency toward obesity is
genetic, I think with early intervention, you can increase the odds that
your child will be a normal weight. We need to do everything we can to
avoid the whole insulin resistance syndrome by severely restricting refined
(white) sugar and refined (white) flour from their diets. In other words,
have them participate in your healthy post-op diet. This is a major worry
for me as obesity is rampant in my family, but my kids eat whole grains,
lots of fruit, and didn't even know what sugar was their first year of
life. The great thing is when I do have candy in the house, my kids don't
really care. My son probably still has halloween candy in his room. I
think todays highly refined, non-nutritious diet is exacerbating the
obesity problem in our country. The more processed food we eat, the fatter
we get. Why else are so many more people obese today than decades ago if
it's just genetics? I think with proper diet, we can help our kids not
flip that genetic switch, and give them a fighting chance.
— mom2jtx3
April 15, 2003
I am super MO My kids inherited my build and some of the weight. But if you
love a kid you should have them. They're gonna be what they're gonna be.
No offense to any posters but being proportionate does not make them
normal. Or us not normal. That is a suble put down like somehow we are
flawed and not worthy. There are some days I enjoy being a limousine when
all the rest are VW'S. For example I almost alwys get a seat on the bus to
myself. I am normal (LOL) I was just born on the wrong planet. On the moon
I weigh less.
— snicklefritz
April 15, 2003
You never know how a kid is going to turn out!!! My parents
were both short and skinny. Me!!! Well, I am 6'8" tall and
was MO for many, many years pre surgery. My wife's parents
were both normal size all of their lives. All of the children
in the family became MO in their adult lives. Who knows what
your children will become. If you love children, YES, have them.
If you're not so sure about having them, then maybe you shouldn't.
I believe that only people who truly want children should
have them. There are too many unwanted babies and older children
in this world. You can always adopt a child too. That's what
we did!!!!! And we got a wonderful son who has now given us
4 grandkids!!!!!!
— OLD RODEO C.
April 15, 2003
The commitment you have to make is to love your kids no matter what. You
never know what is going to happen. I had my daughter and later found out
that my husband is bipolar and that it runs very strongly in his family. Do
I WORRY about my daughter having problems? Sure! But do I wish I hadn't had
her? Not on your life! She is a beautiful, caring, and bubbly child. If she
has problems later on at least I will recognize it early and she will get
the help that my husband should have gotten.<p>It is the same with
MO. We know the signs and how to attempt to deal with it. If it does turn
out to be a problem, just think how much more advanced WLS will be in
another 20 years! <p>I think the key is to not make too big a deal of
it. A lot of eating disorders are exacerbated by parents who make a big
deal out of how much/how little/what their kids eat. When they are little,
if you offer them a variety of healthy foods they will eat enough to
maintain and grow their little body. I have never worried too much about my
daughter's eating habits and, while I do have to remind her that we eat our
"muscle foods" first and THEN dessert, I think she would happily
exist on plain pasta, cheese, grilled chicken, and broccoli. Oh, and teddy
grahams! LOL<p>Just love them and let the chips fall where they may.
If you CAN'T do that then that is when you should reconsider.
— ctyst
April 15, 2003
I think about this all the time. Not whether or not I will haev children,
b/c I truly believe that is why I am here on earth, I adore children, but
to whether they are going to have to struggle their whole life with it. My
dad was not heavy until college, but my mom was on and off with her weight
her whole life, and after having two kids, she steadily gained. I think
Linda said her kids did not know what sugar was the first few years of
life. My brother and I couldn't have eaten any healthier. We asked for
fruits and veggies, never ate candy. But then birthday parties started and
hot lunch in school. I did not become obese until college, and my older
brother is now on his way there at age 27. Food is a coping mechanism for
us, but had it not been for some bad genes, we could just be overweight and
not obese. My mom knew this could happen and tried her hardest for us, but
in the end, it's up to us. I also think that because you and your husband
are post-op, they will get to see the healthier, thinner you, and copy your
eating habits as well. I believe a big downfall to children's weights is
not parents like many believe, but its the time when they are not with
parents, like in school. Like I said, never ate that stuff at home, but at
school it was another story. Until schools get rid of those snack and soda
machines, parents can do everything they can, but some kids will still have
problems. Have children and do your best to help them live healthy and
active, and maybe this along the lines can kill the "fat gene."
Goodluck to you!
— Lezlie Y.
April 15, 2003
I think if children are in your hearts go for it, with the two of you post
ops, your eating habbits and selections of foods will undoubtibly be much
more nutricous and and healthier selections now than they were before your
surgeries. Children are the greatest gift from God and a gift to one
another for the love and bond you share, and if they turn out MO, well they
can have surgery later in life. There are alot more important reasons, of
course on deciding on weather or not to have children, but this one would
be last on my list. good luck to the both of you in your decision on
having a baby.
— wizz46
April 15, 2003
You have to make the decision to have children on your own. For myself, I
have decided not to have children because a tendency toward obesity is
hereditary and even if my child had a 50% chance of being skinny, I would
still not take that chance. I grew up being ridiculed and thinking I am
worhless. I would not wish that upon someone else.
— Kristen S.
April 15, 2003
I just can't understand how some people would rather NOT EXIST than be
fat... I am the result of 2 MO's - I am (well, <i>was</i>) MO,
but my sister is not. It's all the luck of the draw. By the time your
children grow up to be functional adults, the advances on weight control
and (if needed) surgery will be tremendous! Besides, if you and your wife
start with healthy eating habits from the get-go, your children may have a
fighting chance to be normal. Yes, I was teased as a child, but then so
are kids that are super-skinny, kids with glasses, kids with red hair, and
so on. To say that 2 MO's shouldn't have kids is like saying that 2 people
with bad eyesight shouldn't have kids. Have children and love them for who
they are with all your hearts no matter what they look like or what size
they wear.
— Toni C.
April 15, 2003
Wow. I think the more important question here is what would it be like to
be born to parents who are terrified of their child becoming MO?? I feel
like this could easily become a situation where you'd be obsessing over
every morsel your child puts in his/her mouth, and this could result in an
eating disorder being your main problem, as opposed to MO. I REALLY feel
for you because your question confirms how much some MO people suffer. I
can't answer this question for you, but I would definitely get counseling
to deal with your personal pain and issues with MO before bringing children
in this world. Children are like sponges, and I don't think you'd want
your child taking this on.
— Leni M.
April 15, 2003
Thanks for all the input. Growing up for me was the pits, MO and my mom was
divorced and a single parent. This before it became common, I am in my 40s
my wife in her 30s. At this point I am more concerned for their future
health. This after being diabetic and all the other health problems being
MO causes.
— Sam J.
April 15, 2003
i think you should have children if you and your spouse want them. if you
choose to have a child they will be seeing two normal weight parents eating
healthy. most children take on the eating habits of their parent. just
because you and your spouse were mo doesn't mean your child will be. and if
they see how you are eating they will less likely have a problem in the
future with their weight. good luck
— franbvan
April 15, 2003
It truly angers me that there is even a question here. Hitler wanted the
master race, That is not the intention of our being here. That society has
caused anyone to feel unsuitable to be parents for such superficial
reasons, is appalling. My spouse and I had the surgery together. Our
morbidly obese daughter has the best self esteem of anyone I know. Her
life's accomplishments so far, especially her ability to help others feel
good about themselves, are outstanding. The world is better for her just
as it will be when you two have children.
My thin daughter is an achiever too. Both of us come from thin families.
Go for it.
— faybay
April 15, 2003
YES, if they want children. It's like saying should two monkeys in a zoo
have children because they would always be held in captivity. Just having
the potential to be overweight should not decrease a child's quality of
life. We, as WLS patients, now have the knowledge we need to pass on this
wonderful discovery that food should never be your only pleasure in life.
Just that in itself should give any children a fighting chance to be much
more healthy than MO's.
— Steph Elaine
April 16, 2003
Are you kidding me????????? Of course, if you want kids you should have
them!!!!!! MY GOD! That's like saying "Your to ugly or fat or hairy
or whatever to exist!" You're children may inhereit a gene or two
that makes them more prone to gaining weight...but that DOES NOT mean they
have to get fat! If you feed them the right things, you teach them to love
veggies over candy, teach them to just eat healthy and execise they'll be
fine. I was terrified my son would be fat. He was a very chubby baby
(he's only 2 now) but as soon as he started walking he thinned out.
Although I think he's going to be like his father who is thin regardless of
what he eats (NOT FAIR!!!), I still will teach my son about proper diet to
help insure he'll be a healthy teenager and adult.
— Renee B.
April 16, 2003
Hmmmmm, they let two idiots do it all the time, LOL. I am so sorry, I
couldn't resist. Children are a treasure and you sound like the kind of
thoughtful person who will make a great parent. I have a chubby 4 year old
and I do worry that she will face some of the same struggles that I have.
But I love her and her 16 year old sis more than air. All kinds of kids and
parents have all kinds of issues, genetic and environmental.
— cindy Q.
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