Question:
When will my husband realize I am not leaving??
He is convinced that as soon as I get thin I am going to leave him? Please any advice or ideas would be great! Wendy — Wendy H. (posted on February 24, 2003)
February 24, 2003
Wendy ~ I wish I had "real" answer for you, but unfortunatly my
husband thinks the same thing!! All I can say is shower him with lots of
love, it seems to have helped my situation a bit. Good luck!!!
— Cat S.
February 24, 2003
Get some couples counseling! Better now than later.. or maybe a couples
retreat specializing on "staying together"... no matter what the
cost. I have heard before somewhere that we justify the purchase of
insurance for our cars, homes, animals- you name it- as nescessities. So
why not some marriage insurance (ie counseling)? It is probably the most
valuable thing in your life together, and warrants a top-o-the-line
warranty policy....
— Karen R.
February 24, 2003
he is insecure and figures that is what will happen. it is is worst fear.
there is little you can do except reassure him you love him, and only him!
and in time maybe he will believe you, sometimes however husbands begin to
act poorly because it is like they are acting out to push you into the
leaving them that they feel in their souls is what is going to happen, do
not let him start that, he will make you miserable!!!! ;o) hang in there!!
— janetc00
February 24, 2003
I am very lucky in this area. My other half hasnt acted any differently
towards me, weighing 250 OR 138. So I know that weight was never an issue.
It is nice but a difference in actions would be nice, so the sad thing is I
now go out more to get "approval" on how I look. I dont slut
around but a reaction is nice too!! Once we lose the weight we find out if
we just settled for what we thought was all we could get or if who we chose
was accually the one we wanted. I have gone through ALOT of thinking and
soul searching after I lost the weight because I now know what I want in
life and can ACCUALLY acheive it now that I feel normal. I dont know if
this helped but I just needed to vent...
— Lisa J.
February 24, 2003
I'm sorry he thinks that. Men can be can be very insecure, more than we
sometimes think! I definately agree with being more affectionate and just
constantly reassuring him. Maybe counseling, too, like the previous poster
said. I've heard many spouses get insecure or jealous after WLS. I know I
wasn't married, but my b/f of 2 1/2 years was very insecure as well. As
soon as I told him about the surgery he said "you're going to get
skinny and dump me." It caused problems in our relationship, b/c I am
very honest and trustworthy, and was not going to do anything. We did
eventually break up, however. Not saying you are going to, just trying to
relate my experience! Tell him you love him for him, and always have, that
is why you are married, and that your weight has no effect on your love. I
wish you the best, I know it can be difficult, but you'll work it through!
— Lezlie Y.
February 24, 2003
my husband said the samething to me. i have been married 11 years and very
happy. but to be very honest...i do think hummm i can't wait to get hit on
by another man...NOT that i would every in a millions years do
anything..just the thought of being found attractive by another man. and
our husbands KNOW this lol!! but when i talk about how i want my life to
change with my husband, i always make sure i say things like...gosh i can't
wait to wear a really slinky outfit....but then i add..because i would love
to have a romantic evening with YOU! or...just think of all the fun(you
know)things we can do! that perks him up and makes him very happy!
— k K.
February 25, 2003
Hi Wendy,
I am engaged to be married on May 30th, 03. I am still pre-op, but am
scheduled for surgery March 12th, 03. We have been together for almost 4
yrs and weight has never been an issue in our relationship. Yet lately
every once in a while he does tell me he's going to have to start working
out again so he can get ready to beat off all of the guys when they start
checking me out...lol! We have a very healthy relationship and we talk a
lot. So I know he is joking. Even though I personally think that a little
jealousy is good in a relationship. ("little") I do tell him I
am madly in love with him all the time. Just to reassure him. *_*
— Dayanara A.
February 25, 2003
after being married for 30 years & going to hell & back with my dh,
he said the same thing to me. his feeling was...u have been obese all ur
life, i married u obese, ur weight never bothered me, i never made fun of u
& the only times i ever mentioned ur weight was when it started
affecting ur health. now u r going to get skinny & even more beautiful
than u already r & u will leave me. i listened to this at least 3 or 4
times once the weight started falling off. i kept telling him that after
all we had been thru in our marriage, why would i leave him now? well, the
last time he started barking up that tree again i said this to him...'im
sorry u r having a problem dealing with my weight loss, but, i am not. i am
living a life long dream of being 'normal'. no one tells me anymore how
pretty i would be if i would only lose some weight. the last business trip
i went on, men were falling all over themselves helping me with my luggage
& i came home & told u all about it & how great that made me
feel cause that has never ever happened to me. every time i lose lbs or
inches or a clothing size, i come to u to help me celebrate my 'golden
moments'. so, here r ur choices as i see them...u can learn to deal with
YOUR problem about my weight loss & we can look forward to me having a
longer, healthier & happier life or YOU can leave, because i am not!
i accomplished what i set out to do, which was to convince him i wasnt
going anywhere, because he has never said that to me again & now when
ppl compliment me, he is my biggest fan! now im not saying that this works
for everybody. only u know how to handle ur man, what u can say to him
& what u cant. time will prove to him that u r as good as ur word but,
it is soooo frustrating listening to his 'yada yada yada'. maybe u can just
turn him off & not respond when he starts his routine. when he sees
that he cant push ur buttons maybe he will stop trying. the best of luck to
u hun.
— sheryl titone
February 25, 2003
My weight loss hasn't affected my marriage in a negative way. Actually, not
really in a positive way either. LOL We're the same as we always have been.
16 years together of marriage, in that time I've been both heavy and not so
heavy. He's used to it and I don't think it phases him anymore, just as
long as I don't diet anymore. Dieting makes me very cranky now! LOL
— NicoleG
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