Question:
How do i stop comparing myself to other skinny women???
Ok, I have now successfully made it down to 139 lbs. but have several issues with my self image. I find myself comparing my body to EVERY woman my fiance might take a look at. He has no intention of anything and its not rude and nobody would notice but the crazy woman at his side trying to fight the jealously that he would even wnat to look at another woman. I talk myself right into the whole "he is still searching for the right one" attitude and its not helping me. I dont see myself as small until I actually see a picture of myself and realize that I am one great chick, although fully clothed. Please help me put my mind at ease -- should i point it out to him? I know this is my issue and dont want him to feel the stress when its really harmless on his part. Thanks for the help guys! Kerry LAP RNY -- 4/22/03, -135 lbs. — Kerry R. (posted on July 13, 2004)
July 13, 2004
Kerry telling you not to worry about it will not put your mind at ease. You
need to learn to be comfortable in your "new skin". That may
take time, don't beat yourself up over it. If you thin ktalking with your
fiance about how youfeel will help, then by all means do so, you should be
able to discuss anything with each other. If you aren't comfortable with
that, try talking with others who feel the same way you do, perhaps in a
chat room or on the board. I am sure you are not the only one feeling this
way. Don't beat yourself up over it, I think it is perfectly natural the
way you are feeling. Give yourself a great big pat on the back for your
accomplishments and give your mind time to catch up with the "new
you".
Good Luck to you!
Sherry S
— sac287
July 13, 2004
Kerry telling you not to worry about it will not put your mind at ease. You
need to learn to be comfortable in your "new skin". That may
take time, don't beat yourself up over it. If you thin ktalking with your
fiance about how youfeel will help, then by all means do so, you should be
able to discuss anything with each other. If you aren't comfortable with
that, try talking with others who feel the same way you do, perhaps in a
chat room or on the board. I am sure you are not the only one feeling this
way. Don't beat yourself up over it, I think it is perfectly natural the
way you are feeling. Give yourself a great big pat on the back for your
accomplishments and give your mind time to catch up with the "new
you".
Good Luck to you!
Sherry S
— sac287
July 13, 2004
Congrats on your great success! It's a wonderful feeling, isn't it? But
yet, there are some issues that we all have to deal with. For me, it
distressed me more when hubby would look at other women when I was fat,
because I knew I couldn't compare to them. Now, it doesn't bother me that
much, because I look pretty darn good myself. In fact, the other day he
told me that my butt was smaller-looking than a friend of mine whose body
is "to die for." That made me feel like a million bucks.
Anyway, don't sweat it that your fiance looks at other women. All men do
this to some degree or another. It's just that some are better at hiding
it than others. I look at other men, too - it doesn't mean anything. It's
just admiring the "beauty of nature!" Your self-image will catch
up soon, I'm betting. And if your fiance was not happy with you, he'd be
gone, hon! Hang in there - it's all good and getting better. Lap RNY
9/11/03, 270/166/???
— Carlita
July 14, 2004
What you're going through is perfectly natural. It takes your mind awhile
to catch up with your body. Whenever I enter a room I still scope it out to
see if I'm the heaviest person there (not that it ever made me feel any
better when it turned out I wasn't). While I still have about 10 lbs. to
goal, at 5'2" and 132 lbs...well, duh, I'd have to be in a room with
nothing but skinny fashion models before that ever happens. I also still
miscalculate how much room I need in tight spaces. Maybe I need to grow
whiskers like a cat to know that I'll be able to squeeze through a tight
place.
Talk to your fiance about it. He'll probably be able to alleviate any fears
you have.
— Le P.
July 14, 2004
Get a brain transplant. :-D <p>No, seriously you just need time to
adjust to your new body. It takes time. But you also should feel
comfortable in addressing this issue with your fiance. Let him know it's
not his problem, but yours. You can effectively accomplish this by using
"I" sentences. Begin with "When you look at other women, I
feel inadequate--that I somehow don't meet your needs." Something to
that effect. Your fiance will realize he needs to be more discreet. It
really is all about discretion. Some men "stare," some men
"leer," some men "glance." Hopefully, your fiance will
become a "glance" man, because he will not want to hurt you, and
he doesn't want to look like a fool either.
— artistmama
July 14, 2004
I had to laugh when I read Katie's reply about how she scopes out the room
to see if someone else there is heavier! I'm at goal and I did that when
fat, and I still do it now!! Today in fact, I did feel a sense of
satisfaction,when I was the smallest female in the room at a meeting I
attended. Funny how I still do that!! Kerry, Kerry,Kerry, it is a
self-esteem issue on your part. Men and women are human, we look. Doesn't
mean we want to or intend to touch. Has your fiance given you any reason
to feel jealous? If so, thats different (such as if he had cheated on
you), but if he hasn't,and he is not making it OBVIOUS in looking at
others, don't even let it bother you. You know you look good, and
apparently he does too. Relax, sweetie.139 sounds very good to me!
— Cindy R.
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