Question:
Is this a unique situation?
I am the primary caregiver for my mom, and she's had 3 hospital stays in the past 6 weeks. She's home now and is so supportive of my upcoming surgery. My surgery is scheduled for 11 days from now, and while my brother is flying in from out of state to look after mom while I'm recovering, I feel so guilty/anxious. I've had morning panics the past couple of mornings. I feel like I'm being selfish by going ahead with this while mom's health is so precarious; however I keep telling myself that after having this surgery, I'll be better able both physically and emotionally to care for her. I'd love advice from ANYONE! — Patti S. (posted on April 7, 2003)
April 7, 2003
You should not feel guilty what so ever for having this surgery. You have
made arrangements to provide excellent care for her while you cannot, and
in the long run you will be a stronger support system for your mother
because your health will be restored. Don't worry! Everything will be fine,
and I bet you that you will be so happy in the end that you did have the
surgery! Best wishes to you and your family.
— Jaimie L.
April 7, 2003
Hun, you answered your own question...you will be much better equipped to
deal with Mom and yourself when your weight is down...I did not have the
same situation, but I knew I myself would be a much better Mommy to my kids
once I lost the weight...and I am. You are not being selfish. Mom knows
what is best and she is supportive, right? What more do you need?? Mom
knows best!! Have a Sparkling Journey!! And give Mom a great big hug from
AMOS!! ~CAE~
— Mustang
April 7, 2003
I feel such empathy for you but you and the other posters are right. Your
improved health will benefit you and everyone who needs you. God bless you
and don't allow fear to choose your course.
— MaryCinFL
April 7, 2003
You have to do what is best for you! I have been in somewhat the same
situation as you, being a caregiver for both my parents and my aunt. It
reached a point with me that my doctor said it's them or you. My parents
moved into an assisted living facility because I knew I could not give them
the care they need. My father has now passed away and I want my mother to
move back in with me, but I know there is no way I can physically or
mentally handle the situation (she has Parkinson's) until I have this
surgery and lose weight. You cannot give your mother what she needs until
you have the necessary tools to handle her. The WLS is that tool!! Please
do something for yourself and then give what you can to your mother.
— Debbie B.
April 7, 2003
I can relate totally to your situation. I'm my fathers care giver. Last
July it was a huge decision to have my belly removed (it was very
necessary). It financially affected my parents besides myself, and
emotionally as I not only had to leave them without healthcare support (he
wouldn't let anyone else care for him so it dumped 24/7 onto my mom), but I
also was leaving my 9 year old with them. And even when I came home then
I was still a burden. It was a long recovery. They didn't regret it and I
had to look at it as "necessary". I don't think it made me
greedy or selfish. If you think about all you do for your family there is
no way you can be a "selfish" person. For me that hit home last
month. My mom has developed cancer and had surgery and so having to become
caregive to both of them now (mostly unpaid) I had to quit my outside job.
We do give a lot when we care for our loved ones, but sometimes we have to
make time for us and our needs. With your mom being supportive of the
surgery and you having already made arrangements for good care for your
mom, I think you should go ahead and take care of yourself. If you want
someone to talk with please email me. My e-address is on my profile and
I'd be happy to listen, visit, and offer any support I can.
— Shelly S.
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