Question:
Weight Loss Surgery ---to tell or not to tell?
Iam 11 months post op down 120 lbs, live in a very small town, and I work out in the public. I run into several people throughout the week who I have known for years. The majority of these people have been former classmates, coworkers, neighbors, etc. We've had good relationships through all my weight losses and gains. I now constantly get compliments (its great)on how nice I look and how much weight I've lost. To tell or not to tell...that is the question? — debmi (posted on November 18, 2003)
November 18, 2003
I have kept it to myself. (only my husband knows)
— Lisa D.
November 18, 2003
I only recently started to tell and I'm 13 months post (and down 130
pounds). I didn't tell because I didn't want anyone who was not informed
about what's involved to judge my decision. Now I don't care - sort of. I
still am reserved about telling since I can never 'untell', but I've only
had support so far. No one has treated me like a science experiment or like
I'm a freak. Whatever you decide, remember that this is your medical
history and you don't owe anyone an explanation.
— Yolanda J.
November 18, 2003
Hi Deb, I'm going through the same thing. I had surgery in June. I only
told 6 of my immediate family. People are starting to mention my weight
loss. I really don't won't to lie but I also don't think I have to tell
everybody about my decision. You know how people talk. It's such a personal
thing to me. I'm not comfortable telling just anybody. If they ask what I'm
doing I tell them low carbs and high protein. Whatever you're comfortable
saying is what you should do. Don't feel pressured. Marie
— Marie N.
November 18, 2003
I also live in a small town,I didn't care to be the next topic of
conversation.The only people that know I had surgery are my husband and
oldest daughter.I'm a slow loser so I haven't lost a drastic amount of
weight in the three months since my surgery.People are beginning to notice
and when they ask how i'm doing it I tell them I'm eating a lot of protein
and watching my carb intake.It's a personal choice,to tell or not to
tell.another reason I chose not to tell is I have a cousin who had the
surgery.Thats all she talks about and people are getting sick of hearing
it!!
— Gussie
November 18, 2003
Its up to you. I don't feel obligated and I haven't told most people that
includes my family. I take compliments as the come and what people ask
what my secret is, watching what I eat and exercise which is the truth.
Most people are satisfied with that.
— Laurie B.
November 18, 2003
A lil over 2 yrs. out, and I tell whoever asks. I am a advocate about it I
guess, and do not mind telling those about it, I am usually the one who
offers the info. in the first place when they say something about my loss.
Everones diff. marie
— Marie A.
November 18, 2003
Hi! I only told a handful of people prior to surgery because it was such a
personal choice. Now that I have had the surgery I have decided that I am
not ashamed that I made such a wonderful choice and anyone who wants to
know is welcome to know that I chose ME. It is a wonderful opportunity to
know that the person who ask will now be informed educationally and chances
are that person will know someone in their life that if the subject ever
comes up they can say, well you know I know someone who had that done and
she is doing great and looking wonderful. Ultimately it is your decision if
you should decide to tell you have to go with what is comfortable for you.
Best of wishes and God Bless! Angie
— Angie-H
November 18, 2003
I think it's a personal decision and everyone is different. I'm only three
weeks post-op. But the only people I told were my immediate family and my
best friend. I just told work I was having my gallbladder removed. I just
didn't want to be "the fat girl that had THAT surgery." But
that's my personal vanity, and not everyone may feel that way.
— Ann B.
November 18, 2003
For me, it was no big deal. I will tell anyone who will sit still long
enough to listen. I do have a story for you. Years ago a very quiet, shy,
friend was having breast augmentation surgery. She was so very concerned
about people finding out. I told her she picked the wrong surgery if she
wanted to be inconspicuous! Most people would surely be able to figure it
out on their own anyway. My advice to her was to tell anyone who wanted to
know. For some reason she actually took my advice. Before long she was in
the bathroom comparing boobs, scars etc, with others who had the surgery.
She actually ended up making some new friends. WLS is sort of like that
boob job; everyone is going to know you did something. Of course, this is
just me talking. The only way you will know what to do is look inside
yourself.
— PattyL
November 18, 2003
I look at it this way; if they ask tell them you had help, if they don't
ask, take the compliments and run with them.
Be mysterious and keep them guessing.
— Rhonda P.
November 18, 2003
I'm so darn thrilled with getting approved, and having things run so
smoothly, that I almost feel like a good will ambassador for surgery. I've
been very open about it so that if anyone has any questions at all, for
themselves, for a friend, that they can feel free and comfortable asking me
anything about it.
— lorien
November 18, 2003
Hi Deb; I also live in a small town population 517. I choose to tell what I
was doing and when because I also work in this town. When you think of
people taking at the local coffee shop, I also didn't want to be the topic.
I knew if I didn't tell, they would have me dying of some terrible disease.
I am comfortable with my decision and explain it was no different than
deciding to have a heart bypass, it was necessary. I don't talk of it
unless asked and only get detailed if asked too. I am surprised after
losing 80 lbs now and 40 to goal, the people who ask for info for thier
loved ones. If I didn't tell, I wouldn't be able to tell of this wonderful
site. You will need to decide on your own. This also is a personal
decision. Good luck on your journey...Hugs!
— Barbara S.
November 18, 2003
I don't live in a small town, but I did choose to tell everyone I knew. I
did because it was such an important thing in my life. I also didn't want
people to start gossiping at work about why I could not participate in the
(NUMEROUS) food functions we have. I still bring things for others, but as
for me eating them, it doesn't happen any longer. The funny thing is, some
of girls at work have actually told me how much of an inspiration I am to
them to do something about their weight. I educate them on protein shakes
and low carbs. 103 pounds gone, and now they are telling my I am thin
enough, even with 35 pounds to goal! I am surely not embarrassed that I
had the surgery, I am very grateful to have been given the opportunity to
live again! Good luck and God Bless! :)
— EHarding
November 18, 2003
I lived in a small town (4000) for the first year and a half after surgery.
I was very upfront and honest with everyone. There were the few that had
nothing but negative things to say, but they were either the ones that
tried this route and couldnt get approval, or the ones that were thin their
whole life and didnt understand. My experience was mainly possitive. Most
often I would get a call from someone I knew asking if it were ok to foward
my name and number to someone they knew that wanted to have the surgery
too. I am a strong person and can take the negative comments. So for me
the few negative comments was well worth the many more people that that
were happy for me or that wanted information for themselves.
— RebeccaP
November 18, 2003
Before surgery I told no one except people that HAD to know. Boss,
husband, and babysitter. I was afraid I would encounter negativity and I
found out later that I would have. My sister was very direct in telling me
that if she had known in advance she would have done everything she could
to talk me out of it. Now that she sees the results she is happy for me.
Now I am happy to tell anyone who asks! I feel free! (-96 lb. Postop 5.5
months. Lap RNY)
— tangela
November 18, 2003
I told the world. To help others possibly save their lives. Negative
comments were very few. Most notably my step mom. Her negativity comes from
discouraging other members of my family who need WLS from considering it. I
just ignore her:)<P> Nearly everyone who hasnt seen me thin is happy
and compliments me, I really enjoy this:) I managed to get a newspaper
article written and my picture in the paper. Complete strangers have
recognized me in a mall and said your the guy who had WLS? Yep thats me.
They then thanked me for saving their life and show me their before
photo.Nopw tell everyone and help you MO brothers and sisters.
— bob-haller
November 18, 2003
I didn't tell many before surgery because I did not want to encounter
negativity at a very emotional and sensitive time of my life. Now, at 2
months post-op, most everyone knows about it. I'm very open to talking
about it, and I believe this helps to educate others about the problems
encountered by obese people, and that there is "light at the end of
the tunnel." I agree with all the other posters, though, this is
totally a personal decision. There is no right or wrong on this one.
— Carlita
November 19, 2003
Hello, I'm a private person, so when I told the persons in my life I HAD to
tell, I already had a date and made the decision on my own. This was about
4-days before my procedure. I had been researching WLS for 2-years and felt
the decision was totally mine. I am not married nor do I have children so
this made my situation much easier. I did not tell my boss; HR only had
records that I was going out for surgery etc.
As a post-op...I STILL don't tell. I tell those persons that are close to
me only. I don't have a problem with my entire extended family knowing but
I am VERY selection with people in the community knowing. Only because I
feel people pass judgement before understanding WLS.
As far as I am concerned they can think I'm sick, starving myself, or what
have you, or they can put the pieces together and realize I've had WLS. My
point is if they are not in my close network, let them think what they want
and let them make any assumptions they want. If they ask me right out did
I have WLS, I tell the truth.
— Tie C.
November 19, 2003
Deb: My husband and parents discouraged me from telling others, but I
didn't care. I told anyone who asked. I wanted them to know that I had
finally taken charge of my life. No one has been negative...it will always
be a personal choice of course...the problem is, you always run the risk of
people you tell running into people you don't and the people you tell not
knowing any better and letting the cat out of the bag anyway...might save
some embarrassment in the long run if you just tell...or make everyone you
DO tell swear to secrecy! (that will most definitely insure your secret
gets out!)
— Amy A.
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