Question:
How do you react now that you're post op to overweight people?
I am 16 months post op and lately whenever I see an overweight person I get very angry. I would never make fun of anyone especially overweight people. I have been heavy all of my life and know what it is like. I just don't understand where this anger is coming from. Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing? 12/23/2002 345/185 — tat1997 (posted on April 14, 2004)
April 14, 2004
I feel bad for them and want to tell them of the solution that worked for
me. I try not to do that for fear of upsetting them. Currenty two different
friends high school age sons are a candidate for the RNY. Their life would
improve immensely. I KNOW what its like:(:(
— bob-haller
April 14, 2004
Pop psychology, for what it's worth: The root of anger is most usually
fear. I humbly suggest that, if you dig deep enough to identify what you're
afraid of when you see an overweight person, you'll understand why you feel
anger.
— Biking O.
April 14, 2004
I feel the same way, I guess its because "been there done that"
dont ever want to do it again. Maybe its because we so much want to say
something to help them, because we know how much better they would feel,
and the healthier they would be, and that we still see ourselves in their
reflection, and angry at our selves for once being that overweight. I dont
know I'm guessing thats why I feel that way, and then again maybe its pitty
for them in a form of anger, that they dont, wont or cant, help themselves,
and we want so much to help them but we cant. Hhhmmmm? Good question.
— wizz46
April 14, 2004
I see overweight people and it does not make me angry, but I do feel
concern for them. I know what it is like to be that way and I also know
that this surgery is not for everyone. UnlessI am asked I do not volunteer
any information. I know where their life is headed. I also feel concern for
overweight children and teens. It angers me to hear parents say oh it is
baby fat it will go away. People use to say this about me and it never
"just went away". I think of where their life is headed as well.
I know people overweight are uncomfortable and most are in pain and that
concerns me, but you can not help anyone that does not want to help
themselves. First step to help is admitting you have a problem and a lot of
people I have noticed or talked to do not believe they have problem. I work
with someone extremely overweight and they complain all the time about how
in pain this is or that. I do not feel well , etc. This is constant, and
they are too scared to have surgery. But I think to myself did I use to be
that way? That is what scares me. But I am on my way to a healthier
lifestyle. Hurray!!!!
— Holly H.
April 14, 2004
I don't feel angry, but I feel sad!! Cause I know their pain. I think it
makes sense what the other poster said about feeling angry cause of
something you fear....
— baybekmbrly
April 14, 2004
Maybe seeing an overweight person makes you angry because you do not want
to be reminded of the pain you used to feel when you were overweight, and
therefore you get mad that you are being "reminded" when seeing a
heavy person. When I see an overweight person I feel pain for them, pain I
used to feel and pain knowing what they are probably feeling inside. I
want to tell them about wls, of course I NEVER would unless they asked or
it came up about me having it. Just my thoughts on the topic. :)
— beeda
April 14, 2004
My heart aches for them, I'll never forget where I came from.
— DebPKansas
April 14, 2004
I do not feel anger. It is all too fresh in my mind how it feels. I
personnally feel a lot like an imposter who is pretending to be thin and
that everyone probably can see the fat person lurking inside of me. I want
so much to share info on bariatric surgery to the point that I leave flyers
in restroms at restaurants and even put one in the post office drop box as
one of the workers in my post office is super morbidly obese.
— **willow**
April 14, 2004
My heart goes out to them. I feel they are fighting a losing battle no pun
intended. Losing their health, their self esteem and more....always saying
to themselves tomorrow I'll start that diet and it will work. I would like
their lives to change as mine has for the better. When I see an obese
person ---I still feel I am the largest
person--that person in the mirror cant be me, it just hasnt sunk in yet. I
have had several obese people talk to me about the surgery, I hear a lot of
excuses why it cant work for them. When you are ready ---you are ready.
My prayers are with every obese person I see, I've been there since I was 2
1/2, 150 lbs at Kindergarten and over 200 yet. The surgery has been the
best thing that has ever happen to me and I thank God every day!
— debmi
April 14, 2004
As much as I would love to tell them about this miracle,that I have
experienced (gastric bypass) I don't unless asked. I treat overweight
people just as I would have liked to have been treated when I was MO. I
know what they are going through. I know their fight to just get through a
day. I treat them like normal people because they are normal people.
— MaxineB
April 14, 2004
I have mixed emotions about overweight people. I have a bit of the
"haha, how does it feel" towards those who treated me like crap
when I was heavy and they were thin and now that im thin they have become
heavy. I have a bit of "why don't you help yourself like I did"
and I try to bring up WLS in a conversation. Then I have the "I hope I
never go back to feeling/looking like that ever again" and just watch
the overweight people's faces, seeing sadness, them being uncomfortable and
seeing them walk like they are in pain and can't breath. I have no anger, I
just feel so bad for them remembering how I felt and yes I do have the
haha's towards those who are now in my shoes, but only people I know, b/c
of the way they treated me personally. I want to help everyone that I can
and I make sure I find a way to mention that I had WLS and how wonderful I
feel! I actually know of a few people that are now looking into it and I
wish them the best :o) I think we all just remember so vividly what it was
like and think everyone else should do what we did, but some people are not
as lucky as us with finances and insurance, also my girlfriend wants it
done so bad and I keep telling her to do it, but she is deathly affraid, so
she wont. I'm sorry for everyone who has to still feel the way I did for so
long.
— Sandy M.
April 14, 2004
Ya know, in most cases I feel really bad about for them. BUT the one
exception is my mother. I am angry at my mother for not trying to help
herself. She has gained so much weight over the years. She used to make
comments about my weight. I do realize that I have a lot of deep seated
issues with her. Right now, she is on disability because of her diabetes.
She does nothing to help herself, absolutely nothing. She went to a
support group meeting with me. I invited her for her to support me, but I
was also hoping that maybe she would become interested. It's really
frustrating because when family comes over to take her places she doesn't
want to go. All she does is sit in the recliner all day, watch TV and eat.
So yes, I'm very angry at her because I don't see her trying...It's almost
like she's given up.
— Morna B.
April 14, 2004
I think what you feel for the overweight person depends on what stage you
are in for your weight loss. In the begining I sympathized with them and
shared their discomfort. As I was losing weight faster and feeling so
great, I wanted to bottle my "new" feeling and give them some so
they could experience it and know life can be better. I wanted to share my
experience with everyone. I never did unless asked. I know I would have
been offended if someone had suggested it to me before I was ready. Now as
I am at goal weight, I don't fear them but rather fear what my life would
be like if I don't stay on top of my weight. I wonder if I realized how
bad I looked when I was that heavy, do they realize it or are they hiding
from the truth like I did. I want to help them in any choices they make as
far as weight loss, but I can't let myself get caught up in that life
again. I want to distance myself from it. I don't want to hide from it or
forget it, I just want to embrace the new me.
— june22
April 14, 2004
I am with Deb. I feel so sad for them and wish that they could be where I
am. I am rediculously grateful that I am no longer fat. It has given me
such amazing freedom to be myself without fear. I think that it is good for
me to see this and feel that way. Keeps it green. Anger could be with
yourself but misplaced on those who are where you were. I can get very
angry with myself for having stretched out my body to such extremes and now
I feel like I am cleaning up a mess at times.
— Carol S.
April 14, 2004
I try to not see it so much as a "THEM" sort of thing. If you
have any sort of religion in your life, you would probably believe that we
are all "one" (I am a Buddhist, but I am pretty sure it is that
way in most religions). Maybe I am being idealistic about it. When I feel
myself slipping into a "pity" mode toward someone in that
situation I try to turn that into as much love as possible, because that is
how I would like to be treated. I was treated pretty poorly when I was
obese, and would've just liked to have been dealt with kindness and
fairness, not pity or hate.<br><br>
This is certainly not a judgement of anyone, just how I handle
it.<br>
peace, shelli
— kultgirl
April 15, 2004
This was how I felt to a degree when I was in high school and lost a lot of
weight. I look back on it and I see a lot of fear wrapped up in those
feelings. I wanted to distance myself from anyone who was fat. It felt
uncomfortable to be around them, and I thought I was just all the sudden
stuck up and prejudiced like everyone else had been toward me. It was
disturbing to me because I knew I wasn't that way, but I felt I had to sit
on the other side of the fence because if I didn't, everyone else wouldn't
recognize that I wasn't fat anymore. So I had to not be associated with
fat people, for fear of it rubbing off. Again, this was when I was 14-15
and I wasn't able to reason through these emotions. I hope I don't have
internal anger as I lose the weight this time. I think I know what it is
now and I know where to put it. Hopefully you'll be able to figure it out
and deal with it as well. :o)
— Dinka Doo
April 15, 2004
Sometimes I feel both anger and empathy-- my father and one of my good
friends are both SMO and they are both RNs. My dad has multiple health
problems (diabetes, high BP, etc)and his business keeps him very busy most
of the time. However, he refuses to walk for any amount of time on the
high-end treadmill he bought a few years ago. I have said to him, "I
wish you would have my surgery." and he just says he's too old (he's
60). It makes me crazy when I think that in 10 years-- or maybe less- he
probably won't be alive. My friend who is SMO is closing in on 400 lbs. She
has been SMO since her early teens. We've known each other for over 10
years and we were diet and exercise buddies for most of that time, and of
course, when we fell off the diet and exercise wagon, we were also eating
buddies. She does not believe in GBP and, although she asks for information
about it from me, she always says she thinks it's the easy way out and that
if she just follows my eating plan, she'll lose without the surgery. Well,
we all know that the surgery is what makes it possible to eat the way (and
amounts) that we do. I try to explain it to her but she won't listen, so I
just shut up. She likes to make comments about my weight loss, that I'm now
a "skinny-mini" and that I probably don't even like to hang out
with her now, which I'm sad to say is partially true: The problem now in
our friendship is that we both love to go hiking, except that she can't
keep up with me and I get no physical challenge when I hike with her. And
it's hard for me to listen to her complain about the sweeling of her legs
and the shortness of breath that she always has and not say, "SO,
let's think about doing something to fix it, instead of wasting time on fad
diets and not exercising."
— lizinPA
April 15, 2004
I have a couple of those type of MO friends. One my best buddies daughter
and my old girl friend is having all sorts of trouble with her weight, and
avoids at all costs going to the doctors. Just goes to the ER in a crisis.
she complains about her weight, told me not long ago she has never had a
pap smear or seen a gyn doc. Her dad who one said I was nuts for even
considering surgery thinks she should do it. All she says is I WILL NOT DO
THAT TO MYSELF!<P> My other friends a couple are having troubles too,
he too avoids docs since they told him he has high blood pressure. I am
concerbned for him, he moved and we are clearing out his trailer preparing
to tear it down. Doing physical work sometimes he looks bad.<P> In
both cases people have to decide this for themselves... I offer them info
but dont push them. We each go thru this at our own rate...
— bob-haller
April 15, 2004
My old girl friend is 37 at that age we need to take care of ourselves
— bob-haller
April 15, 2004
I hate to say this but I have felt anger towards overweight people. When I
get angry it is because I see them cramming stuff in their face!! And
before I had surgery I did not eat that way (and I can't now). Before
surgery I ate one meal a day, no snacking no anything!!! And I get so mad
at people who talk about being overweight when they eat anything and
everything all day!!! I was never able to do that and I still was SMO..
And people would always tell me to cut back or etc. Well if I had cut my
one meal out I wouldn't have lived now would I??? And to exersise, how
could I? I could barely walk across the room. I used to make up things to
say to people because I knew they wouldn't believe me when I said I didn't
sit around eating all day!!! Even since I have lost 138 pounds I see the
fat person in the mirror, and I still think people are looking at me
thinking how fat I am!!!!
— GAYLE CARMACK-LYONS
April 15, 2004
I feel guilt when I see an overweight person. I feel like I'm so lucky to
have been able to do this and here they are, still overweight. It doesn't
matter if the person is a stranger or someone I know, or if they knew me
before I was thin. I always feel guilty. My sisters-in-law asked me what
size I am and I felt guilty when they groaned after I told them I was a
size 6. I'm very uncomfortable talking to overweight people about my
surgery, unless I know they are thinking of doing it. If not, I always
feel like I'm being judged for "taking the easy way out" (which
we all know is a load of crap).
— Krista S
April 15, 2004
And I wanted to address something Gayle said. That's the attitude that a
lot of thin people have toward fat people, because they haven't walked a
mile in my shoes. I would've thought a formerly fat person wouldn't feel
this way. We are all fat for different reasons. Some of us have an
addiction to food, hence the overeating. I suppose if you don't know what
it's like to have a food addiction or emotional issues that lead to
overeating, then it's hard to imagine what it's like. Try to have some
sympathy for these people. They are struggling with their own demons.
— Krista S
April 15, 2004
I agree with you. I think that once we have the surgery, we should never
forget where we came from. WE should never forget how we felt when people
stared at us or laughed at us or told us, why could we just back away from
the table. Gayle you say you only eat one meal a day, well it must have
been a pretty big meal for you to have been so morbidly obese to not have
been able to walk, I know because I was obese and had difficulty walking.
I think that we shouldn't be so judgemental of others and think of other
people's feelings. Because whether you know it or not, they can feel your
contempt just as you could from other people. I would advise anyone with
this line of thought to stop a minute and think about, what if it were you
and remember that not long ago it was. Ifama
— ifama
April 19, 2004
I don't feel anger towards overweight people now, unless it's someone close
to me that won't do anything about themselves. For strangers I almost want
to run up and tell them there is hope and what they can do, but I would
never do that. It sounded like a good idea at first until I envisioned
myself back at over 300 lbs and someone coming up to me and saying those
things, I would have been horrified and very upset they had the nerve.
Anyway, I do have anger for people like my mother-in-law who can barely
walk, gets shots in her knees every month, but yet she has no regard for
calories or portions or anything when it comes to food. She claims she
likes to eat and she will, leaving no space anywhere on her plate, even soo
much as piling food on top of itself to fit it. When I saw a nice little
tasty muffin on her counter one day I claimed how good it looked but that
it was nearly 500 calories. She said "oh is it, I never look at that
sort of stuff, I just eat it". If you are super morbidly obese and
claim to want to lose weight, doctors tell you that you have to lose weight
or will not be able to walk soon, don't you think you should concern
yourself with those types of things? That is where I get angry because I
want her to be around and I want her to not be in pain everyday but it has
to start with her, not me telling her she needs it.
— Dee ,.
April 19, 2004
I was just like Dee's mom until I decided I couldn't live like that any
more. Anything anybody said just made me bitter and resentful (and eat
more to comfort my hurt feelings)because I knew they didn't walk in my
shoes. Or barely walk as I did with bilateral achilles tendonitis. It was
not until I was ready to hear it from a very kindly concerned doctor who
said "what can I do to help you with this problem?" that I
started thawing out to hear . And She offered more than once before I was
receptive to surgery. Initially I was extremely offended that she would
even suggest such a thing, "How dare she" was my thought, and
that she had a lot of nerve. but after more than one very kind very gentle
approach I was ready to listen. Now I thank her every time I see her and
tell her not to give up on her obese patients. It could be easy on this
side to be critical of others, I carry my preop pictures to remind me where
I come from. I also use thse pics to bring up the topic. I carry a small
photo album of my grandkids who I brag about profusely. Then I offer to
share pictures which no polite person refuses. Then they always look thru
the rest of the album which has a pic of me @ 260+ & my husband. I say
this is me & my husband and they say wow, you have lost a lot of weight
- how did you do it? and I tell them about the surgery and how my life is
changed by it, ie, more energy, health, etc. A way to talk about it
without implying they need to lose weight. Hang in there and be kind above
all and you can help others change their lives.
— **willow**
April 20, 2004
Hi!!!!!
First and foremost I would like to thank god for this special gift. I
personally will always consider myself "one of them" We cannot
forget where we came from. Surgery is not a get out of fat free card. If
one does not change their eating habits, exercise routinely, drink plenty
of water regain is definitely possible. I also get very offensive when
someone says anything derogatory about anyone obese. (people tend to do
that now by saying meak arent you glad you aint fat no more) I can and will
always identify with them especially if they are eating for emotional
reasons. I believe that obesity is an addiction and should be treated as
such. Alcoholics usually cosider themselves a recovering alcoholics and I
consider myself a recovering foodaholic
— tameaka S.
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