Question:
Has anyone had someone mad at them and not talk to them after having the bypass ?
— balefran (posted on June 11, 2005)
June 11, 2005
I have been a convenor to a support group for Obesity surgery for almost 15
years and I am a consumer of WLS. I can say from my experience in this
field that the "Tall Poppy syndrome" raises it's uggly head from
time to time. Yes there are folks out there through either ignornorance or
capriciousness are only to happy to throw a spanner in the works in an
attempt to get you to reconsider having this surgery. Sometimes they are
skinny people with absolutely no conception of the fat person's dilema and
sometimes they are fat themselves and are afraid to have the surgery and
are jealous of your brave attempts to win back your health and looks, and
some have obscure reasons which I do not understand. Whatever the reason,
stick with your supporters and Dr. They will be your cheer leaders and your
coaches. Attend your support group regularly and follow up requests by your
surgeon and don't let these negative people rain on your parade.
Go For It and good luck
— Lise K.
June 11, 2005
Many. I have friends, or people who used to be friends who never spoke
with me again after I lost the weight, although I was great to hang out
with before. My ex husband, was my husband then still to this say throws
the surgery in my face, and I've had people whom I've told about the
surgery in passing, not making a big deal about it, throw it in my face
about how easy I had it, or whatever stupid thing they can say. It's
something I have gotten used to. I personally think it's a jealousy thing.
Sadly sometimes your victory turns ugly for others. Sad, you'd think they
were happy that you were happier, healthier and will probably live longer,
but people's personal motives and thoughts are usually selfish.
— Carey N.
June 11, 2005
Hi, I have not had my surgery yet, but I have on several occasions, lost
more than 100#s, when dieting. We, ourselves change emotionally. Sometimes
our esteem goes up, sometimes not. But no matter how we change, it changes
the dynamics of all of the relationships you have at present. If you are
having more self esteem and energy, you are more likely to lose the
'friendships' or 'companiships' of people who have a relationship with you,
based heavily on your weight issues. Sometimes we lean on others for our
self esteem. When we start to get healthier, and feel better, it threatens
the balance in a relationship, and if you are not close to other people for
more reasons than that, you can lose their friendship. The opposite is
true. If you lose weight, and maintain the belief that you are still fat,
and no matter how much you have lost weight, your mind doesn't catch up.
Sometimes when this happens, we can start leaning more on others, to
fulfill our need for self-esteem. Sometimes others can not handle the
neediness we can develop from insecurity. That is a hard question to answer
in just a paragraph. There are so many factors in relationships, you can't
possibly figure out them all. Like was said before, just remember, your
devoted friends and family will weather the changing of the relationship
dynamics, and stick with you through it all. It is not to say that your
devoted friends don't go through changes too. There is no way they can help
it. We are changing, so they either change with us, or leave. I hope this
helps some.
— spiritprism
June 11, 2005
Yes, I have a family memeber that always tells me how bad i look. That i
look old and i need to stop lossing weight.
Always keeps looking at me. Acts like she is mad at me. Don't want to talk
to me unless she has something mean to say to me.
— deb113
June 11, 2005
i cant say ive had anyone 'mad' at me but i do have a friend that still
cant look me in the face and talk to me. she literaly will cover her eyes
and be like i know its you but it does not look like you....i think it
funny...but in your case its rude, disrespect, and they are probably
jealous anyway. I have a few of what i used to call friends that wont go
out with me b/c im not the fat friend anymore
but ya know their loss.....i love the new me and eventually everyone else
will love amy RNY 9-16-03 260/110/105-107 7 pds skin removed during TT on
5-19-05
— cinamoni
June 11, 2005
my own sister can hardly look at me. we have always been very close, like
twins almost, but now for the first time ever, i am smaller than she is. it
was great when i got down to a size 10 and she could give me some of her
clothes but now at size 4 she just stares at me. its very hurtful. at least
my cousin is honest about how he feels. he just looks at me and says
"i know its really you in there, but I have to get used to looking at
this new package". I appreciate the honest response and try to think
about how the other person is feeling when they see my "new
package" for the first or even tenth time. If your friend is mad at
you, they are probably mad at themselves in some way too. There are plenty
of friends to have. The good ones will stick by you and the others, well,
odd to say, but maybe you've "outgrown" them :)
— Janet H.
June 12, 2005
I haven't had surgery yet but when I was first considering it I mentioned
it to a few co-workers and one persons response was to say I was taking the
easy way out. She had a nasty attitude about it and said she would never do
that to her body. My surgery date is set for July and I have a new job and
I am so worried about how I will explain my weight loss to my new
co-workers for fear of getting those nasty responses. I'm sure some will
suspect I had surgery but I refuse to tell them. I honestly can't
understand why a person would get angry or mad about it. Envy? Jealousy?
— Miss KJ
June 12, 2005
YES, and I am going throught this NOW. It's very hard to loose OLD friends
but it does happen :(
— Janine Greenwood
June 13, 2005
Yes. My best friend (suppose to be). I told her a few months ago I was
going to have the surgery done and she was all good with it because she had
looked into it 10 years ago and her insurance would not approve it. Now
that I have my date, she will not talk to me or return calls. I know how
hard it is because she has always been there for everything and now she has
turned her back on me. I believe it is just jealousy. She is afraid I
will be smaller than her and get all the attention. She doesn't realize I
am doing this for my health and not for attention.
— Shelley S.
June 13, 2005
My siter wouldnt even come to my surgery and she hasnt spoken to me since
the surgery in April. Before the surgery me and my sister was never apart.
We have always got along very good and we would do everything to gether.
She wanted to have this surgery too but her husband dont have insurance so
she couldnt and so now she wont speak to me. She wont let me in her house
or talk to me on the phone. I would not have believe this would have
happend to us but it did. I miss her very much but i have to go on with my
life. I had to have this surgery for me and i would do it again.
— sheri shelby
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