Question:
Not just scared but TERRIFIED!!!!
I have to say, after reading an earlier post about the memorial page, I did a little digging and found it. I realize that there are complications from surgery. I know that people die from tonsilectomies, plastic surgery,etc.. And some of those on the memorial page didn't actually die from WLS... But I am sooooo scared. I am still going through preop testing, (thank GOD my surgeon is insistent on allll those preop tests) but still. I am TERRIFIED that I will be one of the "ones" that don't make it. It broke my heart to pieces to read these people talking about wanting this to be able to chase thier children, some only 5 yrs, 3 yrs, and 4 months old. I have three small children and I am doing this while I am still relatively healthy, but is that stupid? I mean I might not be that healthy now, and probably have complications later from my diabetes, but at least I am not dead YET. I know that there are more who survive then die, and I also feel like why should I have gone this far and to just chicken out at the last minute so to speak. My surgery will probably be end of January. My oldest two children will have no option but to go to thier father, who they haven't seen in over two years. He would get them for the money they would get from SS if I died, I know him. But they still should be raised by me. I am soooo scared guys. Please help me get this into perspective. I just want to cry. It made it so real to read these people's profiles and see they were just like me. Just as happy and optomistic. And BAM, blood clot. Or never even made it out of the hospital. And the family members begging people to reconsider this surgery... Jeez, I am so scared. Please HELLLLPPPP!!! Michelle — Michelle A. (posted on December 3, 2002)
December 2, 2002
I want to let you know that you are not alone. I am 4 weeks post-op and
death was my only real fear about the surgery. Fortunatly, I did not
stumble upon the memorial page until after my surgery. The one thing that
I kept telling my self is that I am relativly healthy and young. I have no
serious comorbids. A lot of the people who died had severe problems due to
obesity and very high high BMI's. I am not saying we are not a risk but
the risk is lower when you are healthy. I still look at those memorial
pages and think something will go wrong at this stage: am I leaking, will a
blood clot shorten my life. It is part of the process. I know if I didn't
have this surgery, my new husband and I would not have a long and healthy
life together.
— Kelly T.
December 2, 2002
Hi Honey:
I know exactly how you feel. Terrified is definitely the right word for it
too. Your situation is even more difficult than my own, because I am 49
with grown children. I never had to worry about young children. However,
I still adore my husband, grown children, and granddaughter and did not
want to leave them either. This is such a difficult decision to make,
because of all of those factors. The one thing I can tell you is that
after I turned 45, so many health problems began to plague me. At this
point, I wish I would have had the surgery at your age. I believe it is
easier on a young person without health problems. I also think you will
bounce back faster and lose weight more rapidly. You are a wonderful
mother to be thinking more of your children's happiness, than yourself.
The memorial page really freaked me out too. It is a strong possibility
that this can happen. But I have read that many of those on the memorial
page had so many comorbidities, and waited so long for surgery, that their
cases may be quite different than yours. When you make you final decision,
all I can say is, that you must have a leap of faith that you will be OK.
I will be thinking about you and know you will make the decision that is
right for you.
Love Grace
— Grace H.
December 2, 2002
You sound just like me before my surgery. I have four small children. I
just about changed my mind a million times, even as I was on my way into
the OR. Now, I am sooo happy I didn't. I am six months post op -107#'s.
My diabetes is gone, my blood pressure is normal, my cholesteral is normal.
I wear a size six, I started out at a 24. But most importantly I feel
better than I ever have in my life. Instead of watching my children grow
up, I am now an active participant. Read my profile.
— Linda A.
December 2, 2002
Michelle: I'm right there next to you! I wasn't too concerned about the
surgery portion of it because it seemed so many died months later from
blood clots and other problems. In most cases the blood clots are
preventable. I also did further checking into each person's profile to see
what else was going on with their case. Many had a very long wait and
conditions worsened. While it bothered me to see that many people had died
what really upset me was Ginger dying yesterday, 6 days post-op. She was
in ICU from the start and never made it out. I did not know her or ever
correspond with her but the slap in the face of reality has made me do some
real thinking.<p>I'm at the beginning stages of this process but
anticipate having surgery no later than the end of Feb. I am only 41 and
am not ready to die. I know the reality is I could drop over dead any day,
even though I am a very healthy super obese person (432 and 63.8 BMI). One
day my body is going to say "I GIVE". All I know is if things go
as they have for all my other doctor's patients I will come through surgery
fine. He's lost no one in 15 years during WLS surgery. I'm sure they have
had problems and close calls but pulled everyone through. He has had
someone die 1 month out of a clot to the lung but it's because the person
wasn't exercising. I know there are things that go wrong but I keep
focusing on once I wake up from surgery I am just to darned stubborn to die
at that point. I'll fight like he!! to live and I know the doctors will
also.<p>I don't have human children that would be left behind but I
have an elderly mother that would be devastated as she just lost my dad 2
years ago and my 3 beautiful fur coverd babies. They sure would miss their
mom and be looking for new homes as my family could not take all 3. I know
I will go back and forth many more times before surgery, but ultimately
know I need this surgery to live and not become deathly ill and an invalid.
The life of an invalid is not for me and in that case I would rather be
dead. I just pray that I am in the percentage of the great majority that
have had this surgery.<p>Maybe we can hold each others hands through
this process.
— zoedogcbr
December 2, 2002
The Memorial page is a reality check. But, take a look at all the before
and after pictures - there are a lot more of those! What you are going
through is perfectly normal. I think everyone who is pre-op has that
"what-if" in the back of their mind. To me, it shows that you are
realistic about the procedure and take it seriously. (I think you will do
very well after surgery!) Take stock of your current status - you may have
diabetes, but if you are also reasonably healthy (no severe heart disease
or other vascular problems) your chances of surviving surgery are pretty
darned good! There is always the chance that something unforeseen will
happen and you won't make it, but the chances of that happening are
probably less likely than, say, being killed driving down the street. As
for blood clots - well, you don't need to have had surgery to develop one
that can kill you. If you are worried about who might raise your children,
seek legal counsel, as you may be able to have another person appointed as
their guardian in the event of an untimely death. Go for it!
— koogy
December 2, 2002
— Gary F.
December 3, 2002
The memorial page is just that--a memorial. This web site has over 100,000
registered users. The death rates for WLS are less than 1/2 of 1% of those
having surgery. So how do you handle your fear? Fear is best handled by
knowledge and having a proactive plan. Some things you can do to help
alleviate your fear: (1) Learn everything you can about this surgery.
Barbara Thompson has a wonderful book. (2) Bone up on nutrition and WLS.
My surgeon had a nutrition class we were required to attend pre-surgery.
Then plan how you're going to handle food after surgery. Find a protein
drink you can drink easily now. It's hard to do if you start post-op. You
need protein daily. It helps you heal faster. (3) Exercise NOW! and get
a plan for exercise post-op and stick to it. One of the ways to mitigate
blood clots is to walk, walk, walk, and then walk some more. (4) I was
given an incentive spirometer in one of my required classes. You'll
probably get one in the hospital if your surgeon doesn't do classes. Use
it hourly in the hospital frequently after you're out of the hospital.
This helps to mitigate post-operative pneumonia.
(5) Get a support structure in place for yourself. If possible find others
who have had the surgery while you're in the hospital. I made friends with
a woman who had the surgery the same day I did and we called each other and
supported each other post-op.<br><br>
May seem like a lot to do, but it'll keep you from dwelling on your fear
and it will be those steps you need to make your surgery successful for
you.
— Cathy S.
December 3, 2002
i understand how you feel. i am not afraid ofthe actualy surgery, nay more
than normal lets say. my biggest fear is living! if i were to have a stroke
and have ot lay in bed my mind functional and my body not working, having
to rely on others to wipe my big fat butt! not being able to take care of
myself! that is my biggest fear! hang in there!!!
— janetc00
December 3, 2002
Michelle dear: See an attorney for advice on guardianship issues. All
parents, particularly single/remarried parents should have this ironed out
whether facing surgery or not. All the other posters are saying sensible,
important things. The death rate is extremely low. You're young, which
makes it even lower. By having surgery you are INCREASING your chances of
living a long and healthy life. Beyond all this, however, it seems you are
battling with the $64,000 question all humans face: your mortality.
Michelle, you WILL die.... someday. We all do. Do what you need to do
legally to provide for minor children and after that, the journey is inward
and spiritual. Maybe a clergy person could help you. I had to face this
too, 16 mos ago, at my surgery. But realistically, we all need to be
"ready." Any of us could be gone in an instant to a gunshot by
some wacko, an aneurysm, car accident, or even slipping in your bathtub.
Is there something left undone or something left unsaid in your life? In
the end, it's all you... and your faith. It's easier than you think. As
they put me under, I had the nurse say the Lord's Prayer with me and BAM,
next moment you're in recovery, irritated, because your achey and groggy
and people are clinking things and talking too loud, etc. Then, when
realization comes, you have the blessed thought: I'm on the other side!
Feel the fear, and do it anyway. By having surgery, you are greatly
increasing the chances of your kids being raised by you... and you might
even be around for grandchildren! And for heaven's sake, don't read any
more memorials 'til long after you're post-op. Take care, Michelle.
— Nancy G.
December 3, 2002
Michelle: I COMPLETELY understand your feelings. I am not even at your
stage of the game yet, and I'm terrified. I have begun my research into
the surgery and really feel like this is FOR me! But, my family and
several of my friends are completely against it and are making me feel
guilty for even considering this surgery. I am 37 years old in 7 days,
have a husband and a 4-year-old daughter -- who I am crazy about. I am
currently 238 pounds and only 5'0" (possibly 4'11"......). I
have hypertension, sleep apnea and have become insulin resistant -- so
diabetes is more than likely waiting in the wings..... It freaks me out to
consider anything happening. I have not viewed the memorial page yet and
I'm not sure I will. I just keep praying about it and talking to people.
This website is wonderful. I really keep trying to convince myself that
that the risk of being morbidly obese is much worse than going through this
surgery that possibly could save my life. Keep me posted on your journey
-- I'm definitely interested and wish you the best of luck!
— hvines
December 3, 2002
TO ALL WHO HAVE RESPONDED -- You have helped ME TREMENDOUSLY. Wow -- such
faith and great testimonials. I too had stumbled on to the memorial page
because it is a reality, but quickly left it because I know that I will
make it to the other side.
Michelle -- May God give you peace and grace to continue on with your
journey to health.
jan
— Jan H.
December 3, 2002
Hey Michelle, I understand your fears about wls but I was NEVER afraid of
dying. I'm more afraid of my arthritis taking over and preventing me from
taking care of my two small children and working, which I have to do. The
stats are REALLY low on the mortality rate with this surgery compared to
getting in your car and driving to the store. You have a better chance of
dying in your own bathroom. There are plenty of what if's out there, if
you are serious about the surgery and I know you are, please don't let
this fear prevent you from a better quality of life. I had lap RNY
november 15th and am down 28 pounds right now. I was up immediately after
surgery walking in the hall. (of course I was half drunk, but I still did
it) Most hospitals that specialize in this surgery or has a floor, know
what to do and what to expect. Those nurses are specially trained in the
after care of wls and know what to do. You mentioned GOD in your post and
I assure you HE will be right by your side through the entire process.
It's OK to be scared but don't make it an issue. You should be getting
ready for your surgery, stocking up on jello(yuck lol), broth, popcicles
and crystal light. Remember you are doing this for your benefit, to expand
your life, not to worry about doom and gloom. You are NOT going to a
funeral parlor to have the surgery with morticians standing by to wheel you
away when you go under anesthesia. Those folks are trained and KNOW what
they are doing and again, GOD led you to this self improvement decision for
a better quality of life. Did you know that if you sat down too hard on a
stool or hard surface, that you could throw a clot that was sitting in your
pelvis??? It's that easy. If they are prominant in your family, which you
didn't mention, you have a greater chance of those, but you will be wearing
the leg pumps with ted hose and you WILL be getting up and walking. No
down time for you!! I promise the more you walk and move around, the
easier it will be for you when you come home from the hospital. I have a 1
year old son and a 3 year old daughter. I've been taking care of them by
myself since returning home. My hubby works nights and sleeps during the
day. You can do it. I'm 33 years old, you didn't say your age. You WILL
BE JUST FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the greatist support system that I
have ever seen in my entire 14 year nursing career, and if you need a kick
in the rump or a "net" shoulder to cry on, you've come to the
right place. It will be OK, OK???? Please e-mail me if you need me OK???,
love Leigh
— Leigh G.
December 3, 2002
Michelle, like the previous post said before me, YOU WILL BE FINE!!! This
is the GREATEST obesity website for support in the world!! Honest, caring
and loving and will give you the PLAIN TRUTH. I admit, we can have all kind
of *thoughts* or insecurities, but this is a caring community that will
help pull you through with positive affirmations, prayers &
c'mere...{{{{HUGS}}}~~~
— yourdivaness
December 3, 2002
Hi Michelle,
I'm 42 with a 24 yr old son. I postop more than once. My surgery almost
ended in death. But let me say, that my surgery and the people on the
memorial page, all had reasons why things happened the way they did. Other
factors were there. As for my case, I chose the wrong surgeon. If did your
homework on the hospital you chose and your surgeon, and you know your
surgeon is well known and has performed many successful surgeries, and you
spoke with people who know of his skills & competency, you will be just
fine. You have more chance of something bad happening to you out on the
highway. Even after everything I went thru and you can read my profile and
hit on my website link to view the "wound" after my original
surgery, I am still a strong advocate of this surgery. No longer do I
support Lap RNY but certainly open. I think this surgery is wonderful and
it gave me a new life. My friends and family think I've lost my mind to
still come on the site and advocate the surgery to people because of went I
went thru. However that is all the more I want to share with people. You do
need to inform yourself of the complications. But inform yourself under the
conditions of why the complications occur. And especially check out your
surgeon which I cannot say enough about. I was my original surgeon's 12th
patient. I made a mistake. But I was taken away from him and rushed to a
trauma center which the chief of trauma surgery also specializes in RNY. He
didnt know if I would make it, and if I did whether I would ever be able to
eat again. I spent 14mths hooked up to a nutrition bag and could not eat or
drink. But he, thru GOD, literally saved me life. But I now feel strong and
wonderful and I only have 20 more lbs to go after already loosing 91 lbs.
This site is a fantastic support also. I also go to a WLS support grp at
the trauma center. Support is essential pre & postop. Feel free to
email me if you need to talk any time. And best wishes to you. You'll be
fine.
— Karla K.
December 3, 2002
Michelle: You mention that you are diabetic but don't have any
complications, yet. I had surgery on Nov. 18th. I had been diagnosed
diabetic and had high blood pressure. Still relatively healthy. I looked at
the memorial page too, and as a nurse of many years knew that *any* surgery
can have serious or fatal complications. What made me decide to go on with
it? I looked at everything and decided that while there is a chance of
dying from surgery, there is a much higher chance of dying from the
diabetes. Did you know that diabetics are now considered to have the same
risk of heart attacks as people who have already had one?? Diabetes can
take your eyes, your kidneys, and your legs as well as your life. I have
relatives with serious things like near-blindness from retinopathy, pain in
the feet and legs and a shuffling gait from neuropathy in the feet,
strokes, heart attacks, and congestive heart failure. I don't want to live
like that. I want to be healthy, feel good, and enjoy life. I don't want to
be old and sick and tired and have my whole life revolve around my
ailments. I'd rather go quickly of a blood clot (and someone else was
absolutely right when they mentioned that those can develop without
surgery). So I'm now just over 2 weeks post-op. I had open surgery and have
done great. I have as much energy now as pre-op. I don't know how much I've
lost because I'm not weighing at home or I'll start obsessing. I am off all
three diabetes meds and my blood sugar is normal. I am off both blood
pressure meds and my blood pressure is normal. When I first mentioned this
surgery to my internal medicine doctor, she told me that this was the time
to go for it- when I'm still relatively healthy and a good surgical risk. I
made sure I had all my affairs in order before I went in, including having
an advance directive, prayed about having the surgery, made sure my husband
and I were in agreement, asked other people to pray for me, and then let it
go. I believe my life is in God's hands anyway, and when my time here is
up, I'll go. I could go into surgery with the same assurance I can get on
an airplane or even just go through daily life in general. It's a
risk/benefit thing. You have to weigh your risks against your benefits. The
surgery definitely came out ahead for me. If you continue on this journey,
know that you will get wonderful support. Susan
— Susan A.
December 3, 2002
I know how you feel! I am going to orientation this week! I went to the
memorial pages too and was terrified to the point of not sleeping!!
However, research has helped me a great deal, especially looking at the
mortality rates WITHOUT the surgery- from just being morbidly obese. I am
a single mom and scared- my son needs me and does not need to be raised by
his dad. The thought of that still makes me cry. Yes everyone- I have all
the legal paperwork in order- I have for years. I figured if I did it,
then I hopefully would never really need it. (like my reasoning? lol)
Remember also, is the mortality rate is .5-1% that also means that you are
in the catagory of 99%+ odds of doing just fine! There are a lot more
risks we take in life that are much lower then that. Research, supportive
friends and family (stay away from those who are not) and the desire to be
healthy for our kids- to be there with them a long time... that is what is
helping me through! I want to live with QUALITY of life!
— Tracy J.
December 3, 2002
Thank you everyone for posting on my question! You have helped me so much
and I am overwhelmed at such a supporting place.
I am 29 and the only history of blood clots in my family is when my mother
was bedridden for months with cancer, but it moved on with no incidence.
The cancer, unfortunately, didn't.
I am 29, and my PCP said it would be better for me to get this surgery now,
before further complications. My father had a massive heart attack at 42
yrs old. My mother and grandmother died of ovarian and breast cancer,
which is difficult to detect in obese women. Plus being an insulin
dependant diabetic. Surgery risks are as great as not having it. So I
think I need to take a deep breath and pray.
Thank you all so very very much. I am glad I have this site.
Michelle
— Michelle A.
December 3, 2002
Michelle,
My name is Michelle also : ) I just want you to know I understand your
fear. I was one of those that had complications. I had surgery 14 months
ago and at the time had a 1 and 2 year old. I had a leak that went
undetected for 3 days and I went septic as well as having paratinitis
<sp?>, I also developed blood clots in my legs and gained 60 lbs
while in the hospital. There were also other minor complications that
occured. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks! With all that said...I am
down 98 lbs...within 30 lbs of my goal...and if I knew I would have to go
through all that again to get where I am today I would not think twice
about it...the answer is YES!! I would do it all again!! I have a life
now. I wish you much success and will be praying for you.
— luv2laugh
December 3, 2002
Michelle, I believe that you will be fine. Some nervousness is normal,
however if you are still this afriad when your surgery day arrives I
encourage you to reconsider. Timing is very important. It may be meant
for you to have surgery but January may be to soon for you. If you are a
person of faith, I encourage you to be prayerful about God's will for your
life. I have also read many of the memorials. For me it decreases my
sense of fear. I believe that when it is time for me to die, it will occur
no matter where I am or what I'm doing. But I also have a confidence that
when I do die I will continue to live eternally with my Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ. I hope and pray that you have that same security.
— CarmelCandy777
December 4, 2002
Michelle,
I feel your pain. I am going through the same feelings. I have 2 great
kids that need me. If something happens to me then they too would have to
live with their father. I just can't stand the thought of that. I know
that I have faith and that if something happens to me then I will be in a
better place but what about my kids. I have diabetes and I know that this
will help me live longer with them. I have such mixed emotions about this.
I am so excited yet so scared. If you need anyone to talk to please email
me! I know that this is the right thing to do! I will keep you in my
prayers!
— lynne3566
December 5, 2002
Michelle, I know how you feel. I felt the exact way. I'm now 5 weeks
post-op, and can look back on the month prior to my surgery and think about
everything I was worried about with a little insight. I'm the mother of 4
& 6 year old girls and I was terrified of leaving them without a mother
if something happened during the surgery. In fact, my daughter's 4th
birthday was the day I had surgery - it was the only time my doctor had
available for several weeks, so I had to take it. The morning of my
surgery, I kept thinking about what my daughter would think if her mother
died on her birthday. But, prior to the surgery, I had to come to the
decision, that no matter what, I would be better off down the road having
had the surgery. I too thought that at least I'd still be alive if I
didn't have the surgery, but that would have been really short-changing
myself. Everyone has to make choices in life using the best information
they can. I chose what I thought would be best for me. I've had four
friends that have had the surgery and all came through with no problems.
According to what my doctor told us, in a couple thousand surgeries he had
performed, had only lost one patient and that person was needing a heart
transplant at the time of surgery. So, in my opinion, those were very good
odds. But most importantly, I know that God led me down this path of WLS
and that he would take care of everything. I have to say that it also made
me appreciate life more. I can finally say that I really knew the day of
surgery how much I wanted to live. I couldn't have said that before then.
I'll be praying that you'll safely come through the surgery without any
complications. You'll be ok. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to
email me.
— lezawomack
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