Question:
Anyone else feel like a traitor to OA?

I was a member of OA (overeaters anonymous) for more than 10 years, and I liked going to meetings.I lost 100 lbs in the first year and was quite a 'star.' Over the next 6 or 7 years, I gained it all back. I hardly go to meetings at all now since I decided to have RNY... and it feels like I will never be able to go back after surgery, since it would be like saying to newcomers that the program doesn't work! I think it does work, but only once. STatistics bear me out on this, but of course no one wants to admit it. Anyway, I will miss OA and the people, but I know that anyone who goes the surgery route is a 'traitor.' Don't bother telling me to go anyway; if you've never been dedicated to the program, you really don't know what They are like (I frowned on surgery, too, preferring the spiritual route) and what a loss this is. Anyone else feel like an outcast in OA? --Veronica Drake    — Veronica D. (posted on December 2, 2000)

December 2, 2000
Your posting was very interesting to me, having spent time in a couple of 12-step fellowships over the years. My opinion, for what it is worth, is that the priniciples behind OA are still something that could be of great value to you. I don't see why it has to be an all or nothing type of deal, i.e., all spiritual or all physical. Aren't they two interchangeable? I think that any fellowship that focuses on the steps and traditions such as OA should welcome anyone, regardless of the size of one's stomach and length of their intestines. You will still need to address your eating habits and the emotional stuff that goes along with it. I would definitely give the group a try. If they give you any crap, then that particular fellowship may not be one in which you would find growth potential anyway. I do know one thing: God or Spirit doesn't deem anyone a "traitor" who is willing to try to make their health and life a better one. Good luck.
   — Peggy G.

December 2, 2000
Heck NO! laughing.. it got to be a joke with me and my girlfriend that every Jan. and Aug. we would meet up with the same people *starting over* either in OA or WW. I love those people and its great fellowship and I see no reason why if you enjoy the group you should stop going. They are in business, so to speak, because in the long run, they don't work. We are all living proof. Yes some do lose and keep it off, but in my mind the life long struggle to keep it off is torture, I can't wait to be on the other side and eat and treat food as nourishment instead of recreation.
   — Debi V.

December 2, 2000
I believe the quote says being "willing to go to any means" to alleviate the effects of the disease. If an alcoholic discovered that a surgical procedure could alleviate their craving for a drink, and help them recover, when they couldn't previously, I think AA would support them. Just like OA should be supporting you in combating COMPULSIVE OVEREATING not obesity, which is a side effect of that. Ever see the bulimics and those others at a meeting? They look normal, but have the same disease. I think you could carry the torch of education to the people in OA. Surgery doesn't replace the need for meetings. We don't go to lose weight, we go to stop compulsive overeating and follow a food plan and live our lives consistent with the 12 steps in order to have some sanity. So get your butt back to your meetings girlfriend. Don't let other people take your inventory or work YOUR program. Remember that at OA their are just as many control freaks as there are anywhere who would use their opinions to try and direct your life. (See, I am one of them, but for the 'good' side of the force! And of course, I KNOW this is just my opinion, for you to consider and choose whatever you choose after careful consideration.) Good Luck!
   — merri B.

December 3, 2000
I used to go to OA too, although I was not a die-hard devotee. I enjoyed the fellowship, and being around other people who understood where I was coming from. However, since my surgery, I have not gone back. For one thing, it just doesn't seem like the kind of support I really need now. I get more of that from people who have also had WLS. Also, I am afraid of how I would effect the rest of the group. I know other folks in that group who are really devoted to working the steps, relying on their higher power and all. They seem to have gotten their mind and spirit in order, but at the same time they are still fat. Meanwhile, here I am, a living testament to how you can get skinny without doing all that hard 12-step work. I feel guilty for not doing the steps, and they might feel angry or at least start to doubt their own program when they meet me. For another thing, in the process of choosing to have WLS, I have come to terms with the idea that my obesity is a physical disease. I didn't get fat because I was mentally or spiritually broken. Although I do believe OA can help me improve those aspects of myself, I don't much like the emphasis on those things as personal flaws directly tied to my obesity. In other words, I have mixed feelings about OA just like you. I miss my friends that I had there, but I don't want to hurt them or the group with my new physical self and new found attitudes about obesity.
   — Lynn K.

December 4, 2000
Oh wow, the way you worded your question SAID IT ALL!!! I too, lost over 150 with OA and regained it. In addition, I moved and did not find the same kind of supportive group that I had in St. Louis. SO it was easy to blame my regaining the weight on not "working the program" The primary purpose of OA is to help those who wish to stop eating compulsively, so theoretically, having WLS shouldn't be a problem. However, I'm with you--surgery is perceived as taking an easier softer way, even though it isn't by a long shot. Being in OA kept me from exploring WLS as an option for a long time. I'm trying to integrate the two experiences as I believe both have many good things for me. I don't have to throw away the many good things about OA just because I have the surgery. Thank you for posing the question. I know that there are people in my life who simply do not understand the intensity of this conflict for me. OA saved my life and to now do something that is somewhat "anti" OA is extremely difficult.
   — Paula K.

December 4, 2000
Having never been a member of OA I might not be qualified to speak on the subject. But if they won't support you in your decission to have surgery and will make you feel like an outsider then find a suport group of wls people they will be more than happy to take you underwing and help you through the tough days weather it is food or side effects of the "easy way out". It is time to save your life and dam anyone who trys to stop you or make you feel bad about it. This is your life and your future don't let the fear of hurting a few feelings take it all away. You feel better about being a tratior after every funeral you go to.
   — MARK N.

December 4, 2000
The only requirement is to stop eating compulsively.I had your story,now 14 people from my OA HOW rooms are thinking about it or have had it done. I am next Dec 20th. After 1 month I will be going back to meetings. Remember this is only a tool.We are still food addicts. I know I am one. With Love Mary [email protected]
   — Mary L.

December 26, 2000
I am also a member of OA and I too felt like you. I plan to use OA just the same. I still have the same issues and I will need all the spiritual help I can get. I have another member in OA who had this surgery 2yrs ago and she has stayed in. It helped her tremendously. I have not gone to as many meetings as I did while working the steps. I really know how you feel but try to attend meetings when you need extra help. Find a frind.
   — Nancy C.

January 7, 2002
I too am an OA member of 23 yrs.and also feel like a traitor. I am coming to grips with this problem by starting a WLS Anonymous group in the west of Cleveland, Ohio area. Everything will be the same except when it comes to sponsoring, it will be geared to the abstinence requirements of the WLS surger patient. If you want to know more about this group, you may contact me at [email protected]. Sincerely, Mary P.S. You can take Mary out of OA but you can't take OA out of Mary. (ha ha)
   — MARY G.

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