Question:
Guess what I learned...and for me, it sucks!

Guess what I learned... I can eat 5 cordial cherries in a day and they do absolutely nothing to me (negative reinforcement wise)...no dumping, no nausea, no anything... other than making me feel like a complete JackA$$ for having them. Reason (well, I say reason--some may say excuse--Anyone out there have a teenage daughter?...'nuff said, eh?...I swear the child is gonna drive me to drink and I don't want that either)... I'm kicking myself so hard, I know that the decision was mine and no one technically made me do anything but jeeze... can I get an "amen" here. Now having totally shot myself in the foot with the candy, I feel like such a loser and not the kind I want to be. Sorry for venting like this but it's either this or kick the dog (I don't wanna kick the dog, maybe myself but I'm just not that flexible). At this point I've probably stretched the whole pouch out into a quart-sized zip lock bag. I'm so depressed that I let this happen. And, I know I know, don't have the stuff in the house, through it out, give it away, feed it to the birds... but I didn't, I ate them, NOW WHAT? Anyone want a teenager? Actually, I wouldn't give her up for anything but jeeze-louise can't I just have something go my way without a freakin' road block the size of the "Great Wall of China" in my way. Thank you all for letting me vent. Comment and kicks in the butt both welcome and expected... UGH    — LuvNSummer (posted on January 10, 2008)

January 10, 2008
LOL, try eating a piece of pecan pie. GUARANTEE you will be in pain and dumping.
   — MCraig3

January 10, 2008
It's best to keep the CRAP you can't have out of the house. I have pretty good will power, but I succumbed to having a couple pieces of choclate over the holidays. But I didn't eat the whole bag either. Your head has to over rule your desire to eat that stuff any more. It's difficult. I started before I had surgery, and that made it easier. Just tell the teenager that the menu of the home does not include the sugary stuff any more.
   — Dave Chambers

January 10, 2008
ok the rant was funny the cherries are not...you did not have surgery for nothing just be more careful or you will stretch that pouch. got my fingers crossed for you
   — [Deactivated Member]

January 10, 2008
I have to say this has to be one of the most humerous yet "awww" posts I have ever read on here! First of all 5 cordial cherries in a day does not RUIN your pouch :) As for dumping, just because this didn't doesn't mean something else won't. This is just a little bit off path, get back on and enjoy your journey. Find a good protien bar of SF pudding/fudgesickle to satisfy that need... hugs to you.. you made me smile. Sorry it is upsetting you though ((HUGS))
   — MelissaF

January 10, 2008
WHAT???? Only 5?!?!?!? What about the days you would have polished off the WHOLE friggin BOX????? I yhink we are all "guilty" of "testing" our pouches, I KNOW I am! Sometimes I get away with it sometimes I DO NOT!!!! There will be days of "dumb" choices. but do what I do and continue the "EFFORT" to make BETTER choices!!!! Good Luck to You and Thanks for the Smile and REMINDER that we all have faults!
   — Toni Todd

January 10, 2008
Ok so you tested this tool, did you really think it was going to do the work for you? You have a mind use it. You were told this surgery was ONLY a TOOL, you will ultimately still have to make your own willpower not to abuse this wonderful tool. I occasionally have a piece of candy (I am over 9 months out now), and or a smidgen of buttercream frosting (it was from a piece of cake in the apt that was my daughter's) but that's all I need. This happens around my mentsral cycle I get cravings so badly I satisfy them but I put a limit on it. Just ONE (piece, bite, etc). And then that night I work out even more than normal. Just remember, try to avoid those bad things, but we are only human so when we do revert back to our old ways, say ok, it happened, make sure to limit it and make sure you exercise and burn more calories than what you take in. Good luck, God bless and welcome to the losing side!
   — crystalsno

January 10, 2008
Lol.. yes I had and still have teenagers.. Girls and yes they can drive you batty.. So I get even by leaving the house, going for a cup of coffee, reading a book by myself even at 2 am or during the day. Charge it!. lol... makes me feel like not killing them, my power is restored.. I have tried the cherry codial too.. Guilty.. and not much happened.. but tis like you say a tool.. like shopping. talking to your kids.. etc.. we just have to learn how much not to push the tool.. Good luck Cynthia.. p.s one day she will come to you and tell you , how smart you are and that how did know that...
   — babesintoyland

January 10, 2008
Hi Leslie, I don't have teenagers yet, but I do have two small children under the age of five that at times make me want to pull my hair out!!! I wouldn't beat yourself so hard about eatng five cherries. Just don't make it a habit of eating them everyday. We all have bad days when we eat a little something that later we regret. My latest guilty pleasure is the fact that I love honey bbq frito twist. They are delicious and I only eat a few, but they are my guilty pleasure. Just remember teenagers grow up and someday they will face the same frustrations as parents. Aww, the circle of life. Hope this helps and your vent made me chuckle a bit. It was cute! Peace, Tania
   — Tania_B.

January 10, 2008
Leslie start reading! Pick up some literature from a counselor, go to the library and read self help books, see a counselor, walk, jog, run, take a shower and cry in it for 20 minutes (better when you just stand under the running water and scream at the top of your lungs). Venting is also very wonderful, but my point is deal with your EMOTIONS, apprehensions, frustrations, excitements, all of those feelings in a healthier way. Take this advice from me because I've been there. My surgery was in August and already I've gone a full course and come back to the start with this surgery. Only recently have I begun to apply healthy coping skills. I really didnt' think I was doing too bad until those "five cherries" turned into me regaining pounds (and I'm not even a year out of surgery). Heed the warning, it can (and will) happen if you don't learn good ways to handle the emotions with out food. This surgery is just a TOOL. It's not the whole solution to weight loss. You must eat healthy, you must physically move your body (exercise) and you must keep your mind encouraged. All the best to you on this journey, you are just a few months out so it is truly not too late for you to begin making those wonderful choices now. I'd like to reccommend that you read Susan Maria Leach's book "Before and After". It's very motivational. http://bariatriceating.com/
   — Phenomenal Woman

January 10, 2008
WOW......you did your own a$$ kickin. Regroup start new today. ........funny thing i expected a certain poster to say..."How did you get past the physic eval?" It has become my favorite quote from her, but she posted a much different message for you, good sound advice with a different approach. Love you guys!!!!!
   — Kathy-R

January 10, 2008
i am 5 1/2 yrs out of open rny.i do get sick after eating too much sugar.have been like this since having the surgery.i am a chocoholic.i eat it daily.i tell myself that i will cut back on it but if i dont have it in the house,i go nuts.i mean i really spaz.its like a drug. so please for your sake dont try to eat things just to see if you will dump, because if you know you wont dump,youll eat it.in my case i do dump but i still eat it.
   — deb44m

January 10, 2008
I found your letter very interesting... As a group of people, the ones who need WLS are exactly the ones who would/will be the less likely to succeed at this LONG-TERM. It's almost like telling an alcoholic...yes, you can still drink but not that much. Also we have to eat to live so everyday we make our choices about what to put in our mouths. 5 cordial cherries are not going to ruin you and it's good that you're going through this and realizing what it could turn into. At least you're not saying, "Oh, good, I can still eat fattening foods and not get sick". As long as you get your nutrition and burn more calories than you consume you should not gain weight and even continue to lose. The closer your intake is to what you're burning, the slower the weight loss which can often be the kiss of death for willpower. So this is an important thing to keep in mind. I'm having my surgery on MOnday, Jan. 14th and the thing that I am MOST scared about is just what your letter addressed. The ultimate fear of going back to old habits and eventually gaining my weight back...of course this is weight I haven't even lost yet. lol. I wish you and all the other people struggling to achieve and maintain a happier and healthier life all the strength in the world to make better choices this second time around....our second chance!
   — cjjordan

January 10, 2008
FROM THE AUTHOR: Thank you all for your comments. Everyone of you are so appreciated. For those of you that made me feel like a human being, you are truely valued and your insightful sharing (and ability to leave a smile on my face) will not go without reward. For those of you looking down from those VERY HIGH HORSES, your insights are appreciated as well... there's always a lesson when the child inside gets the scolding they sometimes need. Leslie (still a parent of a teenage daughter)
   — LuvNSummer

January 10, 2008
Oh my goodness honey, don't be so hard on yourself. We ALL have our bad days. You know, I feel we deserve a little something every once in a while. I know sugar for the most part doens't seem to bother me. When I DO have something sweet I just have a few bites or a very small slice. Its usually enough to satisfy that craving. I'm also thankful I don't have those cravings NEAR like I used to. I have a 2 yr old AND am living with my Mom right now, so I am right there with ya!! A many hair-pulling moments. LOL If you know you are going out to eat or had something a little more fattening then you should, just adjust the rest of your day, exercise and don't beat yourself up about it. Tomorrow is a new day. You are NOT a loser. Say it with me, I am NOT a loser! :) Yes, I agree we all had this surgery to help us eat better, and yes it is only a tool not a magic wand, BUT we are all human and make mistake and slip up. Oh, I don't think you need to worry about 5 cherries stretching your little pouch! I was cracking up at that. You did give me a good laugh and I needed it this morning. Good luck on your journey and do what you did, just keep looking for positive reinforcement and keep on posting, the good,the bad and the ugly! Julie
   — juliebelle0402

January 10, 2008
First of all stop kicking your self and start getting back on track. Keep the weakness out of the house. Find things to do with your stress other then eat. Best of Luck.
   — Alvernlaw

January 10, 2008
Leslie-start anew today. We all make blunders. Can you exercise yet? Maybe that would help with the stress of the teenage daughter(I too have one and another one soon approaching). Hang in there and keep your goals in sight!! Today is a new day!!
   — wizardofoz

January 10, 2008
Hi Leslie, thanks for your honesty. I know having teens can be tough, but when I have something in the house I can't have, I soap it with dish soap and throw it out. Your daughter will get the message and either stop bringing it in or stop buying it and bringing it home. Either way, it is effective. I don't always get dumping either. We reap what we so, and I feel stupid when I do the wrong thing too. Take a deep breath, forgive yourself and your daughter, and keep a lot of soap on hand. Your daughter wants to know if you mean business. Even if you say you do, she will test you. It is her nature (any teen's nature). Prove yourself right, do the next right thing, and throw away stuff that is too tempting for you. Take care. Patricia P.
   — Patricia P

January 10, 2008
I think you ARE flexible enough to kick yourself! At least it sounds like you have done a fair amount of it! ha ha! All I can say is been there, doing that! I have one teenage daughter now (16) and have 2 that are now out of their teens - I KNOW OF WHAT YOU SPEAK!! Unfortunately, all I can say is this too shall pass. Pray. That is the only really effective thing that I did. It is amazing, isn't it? that the ones we love the most can drive us to chocolate covered cherries AND THEY DON'T FEEL BAD AT ALL!!! My gosh! Now, stop kicking yourself, it isn't accomplishing anything (unless you are ACTUALLY kicking yourself and that may be aerobic? I don't know...) but I dye grass... stop kicking yourself, consider yourself punished, now hug yourself (like we want to do after we punish those dang kids) and tell yourself that it hurt you more than it hurt you to have to punish yourself and that you hope you learned from that little mistake. Good now, get up and move on... you are human, right? If not, nevermind anything I just said.... Tami
   — Tamboh63

January 11, 2008
LOL! You are great!!!! You will survive the teenage years. My daughter is now 20 and she is still alive. I am 4 1/2 years out from my RNY. God knows I ate my fair share of crap that I should not have. Some agreed with me and some made me feel HORRIBLE!!! All is well and I have kept my weight off. We are only human and if we didn't have temptations we would have never been fat in the first place.
   — Carlyn M.

January 11, 2008
Get rid of the tempations in the house, the candy not the Kid. We all have failed one way or another, but when I got rid of everything that I could not have, and told my family they just had to eat junk somewhere else, I never had a problem eating junk. I do my a$$ kicking by going for a jog or fast walk until I am tired out. Then I forget my problems and move on. One bad day does not make you loser, but you can resolve that with a lot of good days. Best of Luck.
   — William (Bill) wmil

January 11, 2008
Leslie, As a mom, grandmom and counselor, I learned that sometimes we as parents need "time outs" too. My kids used to hate when I went to time out because they had to wait for dad to come home to find out what was going to happen. The other tool we used when asked a question: if you want an answer RIGHT NOW the answer is no. If you leave me ALONE for half an hour to think about it the answer will usually be yes. It was amazing how effective this was, especially with teenagers. I didn't realize just how effective until my adult children wanted to go to a concert 300 miles away. They asked to drive my brand new car. My immediate response was no way. Their next question was "if we leave you alone for 1/2 hour will the answer be yes?" Either way, I got half an hour of peace and they usually got what they wanted so everybody wins. Hang in there! Julie D
   — JulieJD

January 11, 2008
From your post, it sounds like you might be disappointed that you had no dumping. My guess is that if you ate the 5 cherries in 5 minutes, all at one time, you might have a different experience. There are several foods that I ask my partner not to eat or store visibly because its just too tempting. It's a good compromise because she gets to eat what she wants but I don't see or know about it. One thing that is obvious from your post is that you realize you've made a mistake... the important thing is that you turn this into a learning situation. Next time you get the urge to eat something like this, try to remember how you felt after eating the cherries (psychologically not physically). Eating four cordial cherries is *not* going to stretch your pouch. It is *not* the size of a quart ziplock baggy. If you chewed them well (and probably if you didn't as well), you would have swallowed a mouthful of saliva, liquified chocolate mixed with cherry ooze, and tiny bits of cherry. Because it was liquified when you swallowed it, it most likely drained from your pouch (into the intestines) rather quickly. Even if you swallowed them whole, 5 cordial cherries would not take up even half the space in a quart ziplock bag!! You made a mistake, its not the end of the world, learn from it, and let it go. As for the teenager, you're on your own!! :) Best wishes.
   — mrsidknee

January 11, 2008
No kick in the butt from me.. You just vented what I have been feeling... Teenage daughter and all :) can we switch?? Na I wouldn't want to do that to you.. mine has to have chocolate "that time of the month" and thats usually the same time of the month for me too :( it sucks... I'm not a "sweat eater" Im a carb person... :( but boy oh boy do I want chocolate then... :( Anyhow, just wanted you to know that, you are not alone.. :) Hugs. I think that we wls patients have the best group in the world to hang out with, we totaly understand each other, and we can take a "kick in the azz" and know that we will do beter next time. :) God bless you Paula
   — japaad

January 11, 2008
I see plenty of people answered your vent. So I will tell you about my in-home saboteur. It's my overweight hubby who brings the garbage into the house. Most of the time, I'm okay about it..because I DO dump. But once in awhile...something looks so good..and it's..oh..what the heck...just this time...and it is...Just this time! I usually end up sick...and with a bad blood sugar attack....and I'm chastened but good. Anyway...I see what he does...and decided that's not what I want to do. It's nearly every day....he says..either, "How often do I do this?" or.."Come on..I don't do this every day!" Well..no..he doesn't...but it's SOMETHING every day...that's what really matters. I think if you ate the chocolate covered cherries every day...or something junky everyday...you be back on the old path. But the "now and then" isn't so bad. I find, personally that on the rare occasion..I CAN get by with it..but it is rare. The sickness that happens really isn't worth the goodie. So that is a deterrent. But I have to laugh if not cry about my chubby hubby....as he feels that he isn't doing this every day...yet he is. Can we say denial? Oh well. Regards~
   — Statuesque

January 12, 2008
Well finally, something I can relate to! Im sorry that your having such a hard time, but it does get better. I am new to this site but I have been reading responses for awhile and I am not where there is a support group or anything, small town and all. Im about a year out and have been panick stricken. (no teenagers just 2 cats and a husband with MS). I never had cravings before in my life like I do during my period week. Its just horrid!! I dont understand why this is happening now (1 year out and down 130 lbs) when I never had them to begin with. I understand your frustration but itll be ok - one deviation does not a failure make -even more than one as long as your continuing in the right direction it all seems to even out , so far anyway. You should STOP kicking yourself. You are already a success!! Anyway - I am sending you thoughts of good karma. Cnzcat
   — cnzcat

January 14, 2008
Oh I loved reading your message. You wrote, how I feel many days. I also have 2 teenage kids, but mine are boys. They can be just as difficult at times. I fortunately though do have dumping syndrome. I prayed for it. My downfall are sweets and of course all the "bad" carbs you shouldnt eat. But of course I have tested myself on more than one occasion, especially over the holidays with some sweets and I got severly sick. (cold sweats, nausea, vomitting etc) So now I know I can only have one piece of candy or a tiny bite of cake if I want a taste, but that is it. That way I dont feel neglected, but I wont get sick. I am 6 months out from surgery and have lost 80lbs, but my biggest fear is gaining weight back. So back to you, you are not alone, emotional eating is a biggie for me too. Just keep reminding yourself why you did the surgery in the first place. I dont know about you, but my whole life I always put everyone else first and put myself and my health last. So go ahead and vent, its healthy. Terrie
   — tlcrowe

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