Question:
Hating Support Groups
Well, I went to my first support group last night and I hated it. I do not want to be stuck in that room with all those strangers talking about how society sees us as fat even after we have lost 100 pounds. And when asked about being hungry earlier after surger, a person told someone else to try and fill her emptiness with something other than food, I found myslef physically rolling my eyes. I wanted to scream and tell her to stop judging everyone. But of course, there I sat, silently judging them all myself. Did anyone else have a problem going to support groups? My doctor (PCM) frowns on support and research on the internet, but it is really the only way I feel comfortable doing this. Is it the kind of thing that will change after I have surgery? — Jenn K (posted on January 18, 2006)
January 18, 2006
Hi Jennifer
first of all, please believe me, I would NEVER flame anyone on the boards,
because we are a very diverse people, and each of us are entitled to our
own opinionsl What I am going to say, comes from both the patient in me,
and the doctor in me, ok?
Support groups do a hell of a lot of good for many pre ops and post ops.
However- some support groups are no more than " complain ( substitute
complain for B**ch) sessions, where whomever is running it, lets everyone
run wild in their complaints without actually offering a way to cope or
change how the members are feeling. I can certainly see where someone
would tell another post op to try and fill the emptiness with something
else- because being Head hungry is much different than actually being
hungry, because pre op, we ate even if we werent hungry, and to fill up
time with things like fun projects, or getting out and walking, or drinking
more water, or even eating 1/2 cup of oatmeal which will certainly make you
not hungry- are all important for the post op to learn. We are trying to
make major changes in our lives, and many people fight this, and pass along
their bad vibes- and being in a support group is one place they feel safe
in a bitching session. Yofu have several choices. If you don't feel you
need a support group, and the commradrie it can generate, stop going.
Check out a different support group- with the number of surgeons out there
doing the surgery, there are countless support groups, prob in your own
area- or better yet, start one of your own, and you be the gate keeper, the
one who steers the meetings in a more positive fashion. Me, myself- have
gone to one meeting. Not because I didnt like it, but I have to call for
someone to come and get me and a wheelchair to squire me around, and it
isnt always a good time for my mom to do so- but the group I went to was
wonderful. Exchanging clolthes, exchanging recipes, trying out different
protein powders, it was like a party, and rarely did anyone complain,
because most of us had the same surgeons do our surgeries, and the gal who
did our psych evals, runs the groups. Give it another chance, and if you
discover everyone t
— DollyDoodles
January 18, 2006
yikes Jennifer- my laptop is really on a bender this afternoon and as usual
it does what it wants rather than what I want, and it posted before I had
finished. All I really want to say is the majority of post ops get a lot
out of their support groups-but that doesnt mean they are all created
equal. Give it one more time, and when the meeting is over, give the
person running it, some very " constructice criticism". Leave
out any emotion, just the facts and your suggestions on how to make it run
more smoothly, and what you are looking for in the way of support. If that
person is really listening, changes will be made- just remember, everyone
has the right to vent, and it sounds like this support group is the only
place they can do it.
I wish you luck- we all need positive feed-back where this surgery is in
question, and a Good support group should be that one place where you can
go.
Take care
Cindi
-217#
— DollyDoodles
January 18, 2006
I think a support group is important to the journey of WLS. I had been
going to the support group a year before I had the surgery. Now I have had
the surgery, I am still going to go to the support group, because to me
that is important, because you get ideas and help if you have a problem,
you have other people to turn too.
— Kathleen L.
January 18, 2006
I'm 3 years post op. My first experience with a support group was within
the first year after surgery. I was on a plateau and very frustrated. I
had my surgery through BTC and they just started up a new group. The
leader's personality did not appeal to me at all, all she talked about was
plastic surgery, eating sugar ---a dairy queen , how she wanted to be in a
Barix commercial and her new boyfriend who she brought to the group and he
proceed to tell us all how to live our lives. It was horrible--the group
disbanded and I was contacted by Barix and gave them my opinion of their
trained leader and they never responded. My second experience was much
better--the leader is fantastic and so are the members. I dont agree with
everything but it was well worth going. This group consists of several
postops who have had different surgeons from different companies. I just
havent had the time to get back into the group...meetings conflict with my
work affliations. My advise ...check around there are wonderful postops
out there and check out this web site for info. It has really helped me.
— debmi
January 18, 2006
Jennifer: Don't be all that alarmed by the ineffectiveness of formalized
support groups. I have been to several and each had a flaw that turned me
off... one was a bitch session like you experienced, another ws an excuse
to trade recipies. You get the drill. What a waste. That being said, it is
important to find someone who has gone through this who can support you.
Find a friend, make a friend who you can confide the things that concern
you. Most non GBS patients don't 'get it' so it's important to have someone
who can support you... not necessarily a support group.
As for the Doctor issue, remember you are the CUSTOMER. If he doesent
support you, if he gives you a hard time for trying to educate yourself or
support yourself, it's time to find a new Doctor... and when you leave,
it's important to tell him why; otherwise he will continue to treat other
patients in the same manner.
God Bless.
— Harry King
January 19, 2006
I am sorry that you didn't find the support group worth going to. I go to
2-3 here in Chicago area led by the same person but the attendees are quite
diferent. We sometime get off topic, but the leader always bring us back
to the topic. She has had the surgery 5 years ago and is a doctor and has
a great group. We even have a clothing exchange, where if something
doesn't go after a period of time, it goes to a homeless shelter. Good
Luck and I hope you find the support you are looking for.
Matthew
— Matthew C.
January 20, 2006
Jen, I had my surgery over an hour away from where I live, and cannot make
the support group at the times they meet. I totally use this place and my
friends for support. Everyone is different. I do think I could have used
the support group in person in the first six months, but now that i am a
year out, I don't even think about it. If you don't care for it, don't go!
— Novashannon
January 20, 2006
I say find another support group. I've been to some icky ones, even
joined, then un-joined, some icky online ones. There ARE some great
support groups out there, online ones too.
— cddgo
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