Question:
Having a terrible time with my marraige!

I knew losing weight would change me but! To the point were i don't want to work on my marraige and to the point to were it would be so easy for me to have an affair!!! If anyone is as screwed up as me please e-mail me directly st [email protected]    — yuppieharley (posted on May 16, 2002)

May 17, 2002
I almost think the advice they give you at the end of a 12 step program is best: After (insert whatever it is that you changed) do not do anything life changing for at least one year. This includes changing jobs, moving, affairs, divorces, dropping out of school. Wait a year after doing something as drastic as WLS- make no big changes! You need a year to figure everything out, and any big changes or hasty decisions could really mess you up and may not be the right ones. You are also dealing with hormones right now that make you feel things that you wouldn't normally feel- ie LUST; this happened to me! I was a wild woman until they calmed down; I am lucky I didn't do anything regrettable and I am back to feeling "normal".... The only thing I would do is start talking to a therapist- it's nice to hash stuff out to a unbiased third party. Jumping into anything without research is not a good thing, whether it is WLS, buying a car, shopping for a diamond or having an affair. I went online and typed in 'affair' and 'adultry' and found numerous sites from people still suffering from the effects of an affair in their family. It was mind opening reading.
   — Karen R.

May 18, 2002
In 1995, I lost a lot a lot of weight on my own. At the time, I was married. This was a 16 year relationship. Between feeling good about myself and getting very hormonal from the weight loss, I definitely felt urges to meet someone and have an affair. I fought these desires and truly worked on my marriage. It turned out that we did end up breaking up about a year later. There were many issues that I had buried with emotional over eating. Once I lost that crutch, I had to deal with the problems and knew I could not spend the rest of my life with this person. Since then, I had gained all the weight back, plus some. This time around, I have lost down to the same weight as 1995. I feel just as good about myself and just as hormonal, but there is a difference. I have been in a great seven year relationship. Now all of my lust is directed at my boyfriend! Our relationship has improved! Your desires to have an affair may just be a sign that you have issues with your marriage. You really should fight the desire to have an affair. I am glad that I worked to salvage my marriage and that I did not have an affair. Even though it did not end up working out for me, at least I know I gave it a fighting chance. If I had an affair and we stayed together, I would have been guilty forever. Even as things turned out, I think I would have less self respect knowing that I cheated.
   — Julie S.

May 18, 2002
My husband and I went through a rough period last year and we worked through Dr. Phil McGraw's "Relationship Rescue" and it really helped us. You can probably get it at your local library it comes in book and audio tapes.
   — Candace F.

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