Question:
Is people just jealous or are they right
Hi, I had surger done October 4, 2001. I weighed in at 271 the day I came home from the hospital and today I weigh in at 159. I feel great and I look alot better. Today I went into a local gas station to pay for my gas, and the lady there said you are losing to much weight now. You are nothing but skin and bones. I told her I wanted to lose another 30-40 lbs. Okay I would be happy lose another 30 but I want to be normal. I know that I am alot healthier than I was 11 months ago. But it kind of irked me. I don't feel like I am skin and bones. I feel like I am a normal person now. I feel whole for the first time in my life. This lady's comments hurt me pretty bad because of the fact that since day one she has encouraged me and been behind me. What do you say to people like this? Don't want to be rude and say something mean. But I know what I want. I want the real me. The person that has been hiding for years and years, under that fat suit I carried around........ Sorry just venting. Hope I don't offend anyone.. — TONYA B. (posted on August 5, 2002)
August 5, 2002
people are used to seeing you heavier. i work with a girl who is on weight
watchers. she looks too thin and she still has more to lose. she's always
been a thin person, but her face looks sunken in and her body is just too
small. i can't wait to the day somebody tells me i'm too thin.. :) be
happy with where your at. it's your body and you'll know when you feel
good...congratulations on your loss!!
— candymom64
August 5, 2002
Here is what I think... I think while you are losing weight quickly, some
areas of you may get "too thin" looking, until your body
redistributes. I also think she intended that as a compliment, though it
failed miserably. Finally, I would guess that once we get to our goal
weight, we will find that we lose or gain another five or ten pounds
despite what we do. That is probably our "ideal weight" -- that
which the body happily maintains with minimal effort, as long as it keeps
you healthy and your doctor happy. Recommended response: "I feel
better than I have in years" should stop them flat.
— Karen F.
August 5, 2002
I'd cut the woman some slack, she probably thought you'd take it as a
compliment. When was the last time someone called you "skin and
bones"? Jeez, I'd love that! I think as MO people we tend to look for
the "hidden meaning" in everything, expecting everything to be a
criticism somehow. Don't over-analyze every comment, just accept that there
is good intent behind it!
— Angie M.
August 5, 2002
Yep, I get the same thing. I just smile and say that I was SO fat before
that I just look really skinny now. Like the other post said, people got
used to seeing us on the heavy side for so long.
— Betty Todd
August 5, 2002
I can't wait for the day someone tells me I look like skin and bones. As
long as I am at my doctors goal and I feel good about my size 7/8 wranglers
(again) I will look at it as a tacky compliment. I am sure you look
wonderful. God Bless!
— Shawnee S.
August 5, 2002
Pre-ops and newbies, check this one out! We're going to get there too!!!
I can't wait!
— Karen F.
August 5, 2002
Me too. I lost really fast my surgeon said fastest to goal he ever had. 6
months out I was there! Everyone started worrying I would just keep
dropping and blow away in the wind someday. Dont worry about it your
fine!!!
— bob-haller
August 5, 2002
Right on schedule, 30# from goal. Mom: "Honey, that's enough now. You
don't want to have wrinkles, do you?" Best friend: "Well, you
really ARE thin enough. Please don't go TOO far (unstated: ahead of
me)" Casual people: "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight. Are
you, um, done? You look a little "drawn" to me. Are you
OK?" Sound familiar? I was going, GAUNT? I'm still technically in
the obese category here! I finally learned to say, "Thank you for
being so happy for me! I'm working with my doc on that goal weight thing
right now!" True?
— vitalady
August 5, 2002
Hi TOnya,
Congratulations on your loss!! Your doing wonderful. Give everyone around
you a little slack. Remember, you have lost a very large amount of weight
in a very short time. EVERYTHING about you has changed. And you probably
look alot different to everyone. They need time to adjust.
— Vicki L.
August 5, 2002
Hi, its me Tonya. I just wanted to thank everyone for posting. I feel so
much better now. And Michelle you hit the nail right on the head!!!!!!
Everyone of those things have been said to me. Sad isn't it? I guess my
face is a little droopy. But my nerves are shot. We had a small tornado
to hit and it tore out the back part of my house ( the part I just got done
remodeling) and I now have a whopping 8000 dollars in repairs. So yeah I
am just a little droopy right now!!!!!! But still I am happier, healthier
and look alot better. I could not have handled this 11 months ago...
Thanks again guys.......
— TONYA B.
August 6, 2002
I think that until you have maintained your weight for a while you probably
WILL have that skin & bones look (maybe not in the mirror where the fat
person still lives in your head LOL). I looked a lot more wrinkly and saggy
4 months ago than I do now. Things seem to be smoothing out now that my
body and skin have had some time to get used to the whole
"skinny" thing. I still have some loose skin but it doesn't look
as droopy as it did before. Don't worry about people's comments. When you
are in the middle of it they are really intrigued by the whole thing. But
it seems when you get close to goal they keep expecting the other shoe to
drop--I mean how many horror stories have you heard? I think they expect
you to wither away and die so they can be the one telling the story:
"Yeah, I knew a lady who had that surgery. She lost too much weight
and . . ." You know the drill. Tonya you are doing great. Be proud of
yourself! I mean really, the woman is the cashier at your gas station. Do
you really NEED her approval? Don't let her get you down. Most people
couldn't have handled the stuff you've been through lately. Be proud of the
strong beautiful woman that you are! =)
— ctyst
August 6, 2002
i was off work for 9 months before i returned, (hip implant plus an r.n.y.
open) 99.9% of the people were great, that ".1%",, a negative
man most of the time,, didn't comment on my 225 pounds lost, he looked at
me in front of several others and said, "looks like you lost a lot of
hair"!! when he left the room the "other people" said out
loud what i felt,, later alone he told me he didn't know what to say and
that came out. so give everyone a second chance no matter how much it
hurts.. good luck..
— bruce M.
August 6, 2002
As long as you've set a realistic weight goal for yourself, your're fine.
If you are still technically in the obese or overweight category for your
BMI, then you are not "skin and bones". It may just be that
since you are 100 + pounds lighter, you look more like "skin and
bones" than you did 100 plus pounds ago. Why are you hurt by her
comments? You either agree or disagree with her...its your body. If it
gets to the point where EVERYONE is telling you you've lost too much to
include the doc, then you should re-examine your personal goal, but until
then, I think you've done real good!
— Cindy R.
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