Question:
Why is my husband having trouble achieving an erection?
My husband had open RNY 15 days ago, and ever since, he cannot achieve an erection. I know that women's hormones go crazy after RNY (mine sure did). I'm assuming that men's hormones also go crazy? Any men out there who this has happened to? When did you return to normal, and do you have a medical explanation for what's happening? My husband sees his doctor today, and he'll ask him, but I wanted to hear from some of you post-op RNY men who have experienced this. Thanks! — Kristie B. (posted on January 3, 2003)
January 2, 2003
I think its because when our bodies are under stress / recovering from
surgery its efforts are put into whats most important. It takes time to
feel good enopugh for that, and everyone mends at a different rate.
— bob-haller
January 3, 2003
I won't pounce on you quite as harshly as Diane but I do agree with the
sentiment she expressed! Is hubby the one seeking sex right now? If so then
be a good girl and treat him "extra special" and you do all the
work! :o
— Anna L.
January 3, 2003
Sometimes the ANSWERS to these questions really stun me! Can't believe
people are dogging you about this perfectly reasonable question. Maybe
some of the posters didn't feel like sex after WLS but some of us did and
you shouldn't get shot down for asking. Is your husband on any type of
medication still? Could have something to do with it. Just have him talk
to his doctor and I'm sure it is a temporary thing. Just keep trying... :)
— Patty.W
January 3, 2003
For what it's worth - the idea of sex wasn't unappealing to me at 15 days
post op (not after RNY as I had complications but I was an eager
participant at 15 days after 2 C-Sections and then a hysterectomy). Let's
not automatically make the assumption that the dear husband doesn't want
sex. Let's also remember that even when a question "stuns" us
(and this one didn't stun me) it's still a question or concern that someone
felt was valid enough to ask. Society has been judgemental of us for way
too long - it's not something we should have to put up with here. This
should be a safe haven for us.
— ronascott
January 3, 2003
OR, maybe she is asking for her hub who is afraid he might not ever get it
back. Im not male but I assume that being able to have an erection is very
important to them. lol Her question doesnt mean they were gonna have sex
at 15 days. But either way, it is for them to know when the time is right
:) Good Luck!
— TheresaC
January 3, 2003
I too had a little trouble after surgery, but after the first 30 days, i
was raring to go (LOL) I talked to my surgeon who stated that your body is
in shock from the surgery, give it some time. now I was mentally ready at
15 days, but things would not cooperate :)
but after 30 days, things were good to go, just tell him that things will
be easier,and bigger, not to mention better for the woman :) (sorry didnt
want to be dirty....BUT lol)
Lap Rny 11/01/2002 lost 67 pounds forever
— Christopher W.
January 3, 2003
you didnt mention if hub had any other medical complications. My husband
has diabetes. This can control many things!!!! When his sugar is
up..nothing else is!!!!!
— Jackiis
January 3, 2003
hi there :) im definetly thinking it is just hormaonal and with time hes
ganna go through that increased sex drive thing and woohoo you wont be able
to keep him away! LOL ;)
— carrie M.
January 3, 2003
Thanks to those of you who answered me without slamming me. Good God,
people! My husband and I have not exactly tried to have sex since his
surgery, so it's not that I'm trying to jump his bones and he can't or
won't cooperate. We were just concerned that something (like having a
catheter) may have permanently damaged his penis. He has described the
feeling exactly like Christopher did--mentally, he is ready, but
physically, well . . . Anyway, sorry if I "stunned" anybody. If
we can't ask legitimate questions, then what is this website for?!
— Kristie B.
January 3, 2003
And one more thing: yes, Diane, at 15 days post-op (probably even earlier
than that), I was ready for sex, hormonally speaking. My body was too sore
for sex, but my mind wasn't.
— Kristie B.
January 3, 2003
I just wanted to point out (no pun intended) that with a lot of other
questions I've read/answered/asked myself; usually people jump to
conclusions when all the facts/circumstances are not fully explained 100%.
The people who respond, when not given enough information, tend to jump to
their own conclusions! This I feel, while not the best thing to do,
happens 95% of the time. We should expect it. Also, whenever you post you
leave yourself wide open to the "slam" because of this.... you
are going to get different opinions from different people ALL THE TIME- so
be prepared. While not in this questioners case- but more often than not,
I feel plenty of constructive criticism is construed as a slam, when it's
not "sugar coated" enough for certain peoples taste. She had a
legitimate question, people jumped to conclusions and now it starts this
crazed cycle again... so when asking a question, be SPECIFIC, and when
answering; answer only if you have an ANSWER! BTW, whenever I had a
catheter or have been on vicodin, my uniary tract is affected- ie hard to
tell myself to urinate or anything else. So, if he is still on meds,
perhaps this is affecting his urinary tract & response time?
— Karen R.
January 3, 2003
Kudos to you Kristy for sticking up for yourself. This site is for
legitimate questions EXACTLY like the one you asked. For whoever
disapproved of this question - let us never forget where we came from and
who we're here to help!!
— ronascott
January 3, 2003
Great question and I love how everyone rallied around you! I would use
this time for other projects that you absolutely will not have time for
when he gets interested in again! (At least that's how it is in my
house.......All that excess energy when the weight starts leaving and you
start feeling really good-looking.......woo-hoo!) I understand from a
female point of view as I kind of started wondering if I would EVER want to
do that again --- I had no desire at all.......
— Nell C.
January 3, 2003
It seems reasonable that the hormone fluctuation/surgery catheterization
hypothesis could be right. Please re-post when you hear from your doctor, I
am very interested to hear what his opinion is. Good Luck to you
— Cara F.
January 3, 2003
Is he still on pain meds (narcotics)? These can cause temporary impotence
in men.
— Terissa R.
January 4, 2003
I just wanted to update everyone on what my husband's surgeon said about
his problem. He said that it probably is quite normal although most men
don't usually want to discuss this issue. He explained it as hormone
fluctuation, what we've all already heard concerning estrogen. He said
that even in men, excess estrogen is stored in fat, and during rapid weight
loss, that excess estrogen is released. He also said that the
estrogen/testosterone balance is very delicate, and having an excess of
estrogen can "dampen" the testosterone, which means in men, of
course, lack of sexual drive. He said to be patient, and everything should
be back to normal in a couple or few weeks. By the way, my husband lost 30
pounds in 15 days! We both were very pleased! Thanks to all of you who
answered my question.
— Kristie B.
January 4, 2003
Please have him have his hormone levels tested. Simple blood work can tell
you. I've known men in their 30's who were, um, shall we say, ready to
meet any challenge, who suddenly had no interest. It can be utterly
devastating to the marriage, since who'd ever suspect it was mechanical?
Fairly easily fixed, but the scars of letting it go a long, long time can
be too deep to fix.
— vitalady
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