Question:
Just read memorial......
Is there anyone out there that felt 100% sure that they wanted this surgery. I have wonderful husband, four young children and one with special needs that I need to care for. I want to feel really good about the decision I'm making to have surgery and I just don't. I have a BMI of 41, and no significant health problems YET (although I do think I might have sleep apnea)Is there anyone out there in my situation that felt 100% sure this is what they needed to save their life or does that only happen after you've developed diabetes, heart disease, etc. Thanks for any input! — denisel (posted on September 2, 2002)
September 2, 2002
Denise, there is no 100 percent guarantee in life..Period. You may find
some other posters that will say that they were 100 percent sure of their
decision, but I think all of us went into the surgery with some hesitation.
I think that that is healthy to have some reservations, and we all fear
the unknown. And the memorial page would scare anyone. I had some things
in common with you-my BMI was 42, and I had no co-morbidities other than
out of breath alot. I, too, thought I was a walking advertisement for
diabetes, high blood pressure etc-just waiting for it to happen to me. But
you have something in your life that I do not. 4 beautiful kids. And if
anything should sway you one way or the other, its knowing what a good
thing you are doing for your kids, ensuring that their mom will be there
for them, healthy. I think the time that you feel "really good"
is about 3 or 4 months after surgery, when you are eating fairly normal
again, and your 50 pounds lighter! Good luck to you.
— Cindy R.
September 2, 2002
Hi Denise.
I know exactly where you're coming from. I read the memorial page last
night and was thinking the exact same things.....if I don't feel 110%
positive about this, maybe I should reconsider........what if I
die......isn't a fat, unhealthy mom better than no mom for my
kids........if I feel these nerves, maybe it's a sign I'm not ready for
this step........on and on it went. But you know what? I have had to put it
all into God's hands now. I know this surgery is the one thing that may
SAVE my life. It is the key to unlocking the fun, active, healthy mom I
used to be. It is normal to be nervous of the unknown. But in a few years I
will be a ticking time bomb for a heart attack or stroke. I'd rather take
my chances in the hands of an excellent surgeon in a top notch hospital,
than wait for that potential death knoll to strike me down in some unknown
place, maybe in front of my kids!
Bottom line is, it's your choice, and there are no guarantees in life. But
think through the nerves and anxieties before throwing in the towel to
those things alone.
Best of luck and God Bless, Katie.
— Katie E.
September 2, 2002
I was sure I wanted surgery and I was only 19 years old. I didn't have any
over problems except knee pain. But I was sure that I wanted a better life.
I was so happy when I found out I could have the surgery. I was willing to
take any risk for the chance of a more normal life. I got it and I have no
regrets.
— Sarah K.
September 2, 2002
I had a BMI of 41 and no co-morbidities either, pre-op. I went forward
with the surgery because I realized that, if I waited and postponed surgery
out of fear or indecision, I would just get steadily heavier, weaker,
older, and less healthy over time. In my case I knew I would *not* just
"stay the same" without surgery. I was gonna change either way,
and without the surgery, the changes were very scary to contemplate. I
respect those who decide that surgery is not right for them, or not right
for them yet, but be sure you ask these questions along the way: Can I
live with where my health will be without it? How do I think my joints and
my energy level will hold up if I stay at this weight or get heavier? Am I
already fighting depression over it? Am I already sitting on the sidelines
of life because it's too hard physically to jump in? Is there a history of
diabetes, heart disease, etc. in my family that makes my M.O. an even
greater risk? And finally, Do I think I can get control over my weight
without the surgery?<P>P.S. -- If you think you might have sleep
apnea, please be sure they check that out for you either way. And good
luck Denise, no matter what you decide!
— Suzy C.
September 2, 2002
— trish_
September 2, 2002
I don't have any children, but I have a wonderful husband who loves me more
than I ever imagined possible. When we first married I weighed about 275
and over the last 12 years had gained over 100 pounds. Now that's bliss
and it just keeps getting better. I have hypertension, painful arthritis
in my ankles, knees, hips, back and shoulder. I was taking more drugs than
I cared to think about each day. I knew I had to do something. My husband
saw how I saw suffering with the pain each day and finally said--do what
you have to. He said if it was just to lose weight and look better, he'd
be firmly against the surgery, but if I had a chance to feel better, he was
all for it. When I went for my initial consult with my surgeon in January,
I weighed 396 with a BMI of 61.9. That's scary. During a 5 month
insurance battle, I managed to take off 41 pounds with the help of my PCP.
When I had surgery on August 15, 2002, my weight was 355. I struggled with
my fear, but ultimately felt that if I wanted a future with this wonderful
man and wanted a chance to do some of the things we'd dreamed of, I'd have
to put it in God's hands. When they wheeled me into the surgery suite that
morning, I felt so safe and I knew I was doing the right thing. (I wasn't
so sure for a while after I woke up, though :) ) But ultimately the last 3
weeks have been uneventful. I've gotten in my vitamins each day, my
protein each day and have stuck to what they told me was safe for me to
eat. So far so good. (I'm having a love affair with sugar free popsicles
right now. ) But you know what's even better? My hubby took off two weeks
to be with me and has been there every step of the way. I've never felt
more hopeful and more loved than I do right now and I know that if I behave
myself and do what they tell me to do by the book, I have a chance at a
wonderful future I've dreamed of. And that's all we're promised--a chance!
— Cathy S.
September 2, 2002
I was 100% sure that I wanted this. I was also scared that I would die. I
did not have any health problems except for asthma, which, until I lost the
weight, I did not realize how much my weight was affecting it. I also
thought I was having periods of sleep apnea. And that frightened me. Also,
my father had his first heartatack at hte age of 37, and I was getting
close. So, I do feel that this has saved my life. AND I would do it agian
in a heart beat. I can breath better, I sleep better ( no more sleep apnea
symptoms), I work harder, I play harder. PS. Do you realize all of the
complicaitons that come from sleep apnea alone??? WEight loss is worth
getting rid of that. Good Luck with your decision. IT is a hard one to
make.
— Vicki L.
September 2, 2002
I was NOT 100% sure that I wanted this surgery, but I was 100% sure that I
didn't want to gain any more weight, and eventually die from it. I am only
26 years old, with four small children and relatively NO health problems
yet. I was scared that I was putting my life at risk just so I could LOOK
better. But, I could look around at my parents and other obese relatives
and realize that my chances of getting thin on my own were very small. I
had to do something! The memorial board is scary! I read it numerous times
before my surgery, and almost backed out! But I realized that I get in my
car every single day and never think twice about dying in it. Yet, there
are so many more fatal car crashes everyday then people who die in surgery.
Have the surgery NOW..while you are STILL healthy. If you wait, and develop
a lot of weight related problems...it will be that much MORE risky. I
decided, that since I was young, healthy, a non smoker and had had
uncomlicated surgeries in the past...THAT I WOULD BE FINE! And, I was!
Having surgery is a VERY hard decision to make. It is scary to all of us,
even those who feel 100% about it. You need to make the best decision for
YOU though. This is a very personal decision. If you feel that you are not
ready yet, then wait. The surgery will still be around next year and still
around in five years. Not only is it a hard decision to make....it can be
hard to live with after. I am really glad I had the surgery, but it is not
an easy way out of our problems. It still takes a lot of hard work,
dedication, and major life changes to lose the weight, even after the
surgery. I wish you the best of luck in what ever decision you decide to
make!
— Shawnie S.
September 2, 2002
What's 100%? I was as sure as you can be I think. I was nervous, and I
was a little scared. But I knew and still know that it was the right
decision for me. My BMI was much higher than yours... and I didn't have a
lot of really threatening co morbids.. some back pain... some knee pain..
and then BAM.. when I'm going through pre-op I'm suddenly a diabetic.. and
my blood pressure is questionable... I was even more sure at that point.
My life... my life expectancy was bleak.. to my mind.. and I have a partner
that I'm crazy about and have been with for four years.. we want many more
years together.. I love her that much to want to have a lot of time with
her.. I'm greedy. I didn't have a moment of regret, even when it was
hard.. those first few days home from the hospital... and it gets better
EACH and every day. I did not read the memorial page here. I know the
odds... reading that page would make them seem more than they are. Good
luck.
— Lisa C.
September 2, 2002
Denise- I felt <i>exactly</i> as you a couple of months ago. I
had read the memorial page and started to re-think my decision. I have two
children (ages 3 and 13) and since I have no serious co-morbs (I too think
I may have slight sleep apnea) I thought maybe I was being selfish. What if
something happened and my babies lost me? But ya know what, my husband told
me this- right now I really don't have much of a life. I can only do but so
much with and for my children. When my older son was younger, I was very
involved in everything he did- now I am ashamed to say that I am not. I
weigh 312lbs. and have a BMI of 50.2 (I think) and damnit, I am tired to
feeling like poopiecaca!! My surgeon has never lost a patient and I don't
intend on being his first! My surgery is in 2 weeks (can I get a WAHOO!!?)
and I am not a bit afraid. I am more concerned about my mother-in-law's
arrival from out-of-town!!!! All I can tell you is that YOU have to et
yourself ready. Does your surgeon offer a support group? If so or if there
is some other WLS group in your area, GO! You will be amazed at how helpful
it could be. I don't know how far in this journey you are, but READ, READ
and READ some more. And talk with others who have used your surgeon! And
<b>never</b> be afraid to ask your surgeon
<i>any</i> questions. If your surgeon doesn't seem to have the
time, then find a new one!! Keep asking questions here too. That's what we
are here for! Best of luck to you Sweetie!
— karmiausnic
September 2, 2002
I can relate to this question. I went to surgery 8 months after my wife and
I had our first child. We had been trying for 8 years to have this kid. I
stayed at home and raised her for the first 8 months. My greatest fear was
that I would never see her again. Yet... here I sit writing this today,
with no regrets.
As far as the memorial page is concerned, yes, it is very frightening. I
read all the profiles there several times, and I noticed that most, not
all, but most, fell into one of two categories. 1) Very high BMI and were
at great operative risk to start with. A lot of these folks had BMIs in
excess of 70. 2) Waited until the comorbidities had done the damage before
they could get surgery. I was astounded at the number of people who passed
-waiting- for surgery. A large number that passed after surgery, did so
from a comorbidity, not from the surgery.
I would never tell anyone to have this surgery. I personally have no
regrets, but it -is- a major life change. You have to weigh the risks of
the surgery vs. the benefits you hope to receive from it. For me it came
down to a few questions. 1) Can I possibly lose this weight myself? The
answer was 'no'. 2) If I did lose all the weight, do I feel confident that
I could keep it off -permanently-? The answer again, was 'no'. 3) This time
next year, where will I be healthwise? Answer: Heavier, more miserable,
possibly with diabetes, severe leg swelling, and more severe
hyperlipidemia. Or, conversely, I could be 100+ pounds closer to my ideal
weight. For me the choice was clear. I won't say I was 100%, but I was in
the high 90th percentile.
I know this is getting long, but let me add one more thing that brought me
great peace of mind. I had 100% confidence in the skills of my surgeon, and
this was not just arbitrary. I found the surgeon I thought I wanted on this
web site, based on patient reviews. Then I started writing them and asking
questions. All of them were happy to respond. I then attended some support
group meetings with people who had used my surgeon and talked with them
personally. By the time I had surgery, I had -no- doubts about my surgeon.
THIS was a major factor in my deciding to go ahead. I could not have done
this without knowing the "inside scoop" on the surgeon. I suggest
you do the same.
Hope all this helps, and good luck in your decision.
— Greg P.
September 2, 2002
Denise, I can relate to your feelings totally. I had a BMI that wasn't
really high. I do have hypothyroidism,general aches from being overweight
and found out I was borderline diabetic(this was discovered when I had the
3hr GTT for my pre op) Both of my parents died from heart problems. My Mom
died 5 yrs ago from Congestive Heart Failure and was a tiny petite woman.
She suffered many years from the disease.I was just so scared that my being
overweight add to risks that would carry me down the same road.I also read
the Memorial Page and was so scared. I am a single mother of a 17 year old
daughter and a 22 year old son. They are my life and I wanted to be around
to see them grow older and maybe have me some grandbabies to spoil. Anyway
I had surgery 8/27 last Tuesday and I did cry as I was in the holding area
before surgery with the nurse and anesthesiologist... They both assured
that it is normal to question your decision because this is an elective
surgery. I am so glad I had it!!!!!I am doing well and am so happy I went
through with it. Just pray about it. God will not let it work out for you
to have it if you don't need it .....that was the way I looked at it. Good
Luck...Sherry
— Sherry S.
September 2, 2002
I can say that I was 100% sure. I am 22 years old and have been overweight
all my life. I don't have any severe health problems, but I know they will
come in due time. I did A LOT of research and found out all I could. I
wanted to be sure I knew what I was doing. The more you know about WLS, the
more you know if it is right for you. Here is my advice to you. Read as
much as you can about WLS...the good and the bad. Put WLS, RNY, Gastric
Bypass, and such into a search engine and just read. Read everything on the
AMOS site and ask questions. Go to the AMOS Q&A board and read some of
the situations there. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. I
went in to this with very little fear and I know that it is because I
worked closely with my surgeon and did what he told me to do and gained
knowledge on what I was doing!
— sammygirlwpc
September 2, 2002
I was absolutely sure this was the right thing for me. I would not have
done it if I wasn't sure, and I would never recommend someone else do it
unless they were completely sure. This surgery is too drastic to go into
without believing it's the right thing. My BMI was 44.5, no significant
co-morbidities, I have two young daughters.
— kateseidel
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