Question:
Why is it when I was large I thought I was smaller than I really was...
now that I am 120 pounds lighter I think I am huge!! I was holding up a pair of size 8 jeans today and thought man they are some huge pants. When I was a size 24 I never thought I was that big. Now I feel soo fat sometimes. Whats up with that!! Is anyone else having that problem? — Dana N. (posted on May 28, 2002)
May 28, 2002
HI. I know EXACTLY how you feel. When I was 253 pounds at 4'11", I
never, ever realized precisely how big I was. I always felt "I wasn't
THAT big." I also never had the major self-esteem issues that many
obese people have. Then I had RNY because of health issues. No sooner had I
lost 60 pounds or so, than I started to "see" how huge I had been
and still was. It was devistating. Fortunately, I have had the same
therapist for about six years now, and she knows me well enough. She
explained that I had probably been protecting myself from the brutal truth,
because I wasn't ready to deal with it. Once I had lost a significant
amount of weight, my brain "allowed" itself to acknowledge the
weight problem I'd had all these years. It was really strange, but made a
lot of sense. I was in a better position to deal with the issues once I was
well on my way to better health and better looks. Today, I am just about 18
months post-op, and while I'm not at goal, I have lost so much weight, it
doesn't really matter much anymore. I am 1000% healthier, and much better
looking, so I can deal with the fact that I'm not perfect. I honestly think
many of us, especially those who were not obese as children and young
adults, have a heard time admitting to ourselves that we were EVER that
big. Eventually, when it's easier to deal with, we slowly let ourselves
realize it. I think you are having a fairly normal reaction and your brain
is trying to figure out how big you really are. Don't worry, I think it's a
temporary phase. I'm sure it was for me. Good luck and congrats on the
weight loss. Maria
— Maria H.
May 28, 2002
First of all, congratulations on your weight loss! I know exactly how you
feel. I started at 363 size 26-28 or more, now wearing 14-16. I still
cannot recognize myself! I went to an amusement park over the weekend and
they take a picture of you. I got off the ride and looked at the picture
gallery for 5 minutes before my daughters boyfriend pointed me out in a
picture. I honestly did not recognize myself because of how much I have
changed. I think when we are MO(at least in my case)we condition ourselves
to accept what we have become. Now that we know what it is like to be on
the lighter side, we are having problems accepting that as well because we
still have the urge to be 'perfect'. So we still have those 'fat' days.
For me to handle this I have to depend on my dearest friend to go shopping
with me to ensure I buy what fits (even though I could not possibly fit
into THAT outfit). I take pictures and stare at them trying to accept the
new me. All said, I would rather have this problem to deal with (image)than
the 156 pounds that I have shed! Email me if you just need to talk. God
Bless
— Ginger J.
May 28, 2002
Thank you, Dana, for putting how I feel into words. I am pre-op, and I'm
realizing that I have been in serious denial about how big I actually am
and have been for the past 13 years or so. Geesh!!! One more thing to deal
with emotionally. I was not a big child, nor was I a huge teenager (135
pounds at 5"4) but of course, I thought I was fat compared to all my
friends. Now, the veil is coming off and I really realize just how huge I
am. It is devastating as the previous poster said. I am extremely
embarrassed and can not wait for the surgery. I have allowed other things
to be priorities over my health and now that must change. Thanks again
— crawford1213
May 28, 2002
I feel fat DAILY!! I never felt this at 248 pounds. I saw a thinner
person in the mirror then I see now. I also look at my size 10 jeans and
think they look like tents!! By far bigger then my size 24 jeans. People
think I'm crazy and they keep telling me how skinny and good I look. I've
still got to lose about 30 pounds so I'm FAR from skinny and I don't feel
as attractive as I did when I was heavy. I don't understand it but I think
it does have to do with learning to accept yourself fat so you didn't see
ALL the fat. Now I just have to learn to accept myself as thinner.
— Patty H.
May 29, 2002
Me too!! I like the answer about the brain protecting itself. I think
that's it exactly. And to top it all off, all the figure problems I use to
worry about as a teen (I'm HIPPY dang it) are back in full force! For some
reason I never worried about my hips when I was over 300 pounds. Go
figure.
— mom2jtx3
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