Question:
I am so scared I am planning my own death.
I am so fearful of the worst happening I sometimes think..What the heck are you doing crazy woman? Sometimes I even think...Should I back out now. Was anyone else this scared before surgery? I keep thinking I am going to die. I am going to miss out on the rest of my daughter's life because of my decision to have surgery. I know chances are slim (no pun intended). I am 28-years-old and in good general health so I know that's with me but I am still scared. Help! Anyone...please. — Janice P. (posted on December 19, 2001)
December 19, 2001
I had my surgery done on Nov 7 2001 I have lost a total of 40lbs so far. I
have 4 children ages ranging from 2 years to 14 years old. I repeat do not
plan your death because it will not happen, Do not confess it, Do not feel
death approaching. Plan for your aftercare and think how wonderful you're
going to feel and look. Clean your home get rid of those fat clothes ok.
SMILE YOU WILL BE FINE,,TRUST IN GOD...
— Constance S.
December 19, 2001
It is natural to be afraid and worry about death with WLS. It is major
surgery and people have died as a result of it. But, the good news is, 90%
of those who have had the surgery don't die. And just reading post-op's
profiles and posts on here will tell you how many of us are so happy that
we had the surgery, even if in the beginning some had complications. Once
that weight starts coming off and your health begins improving makes it all
worth while. I was scared of dying myself and I was sure I would bolt at
the last minute or change my mind. Thankfully for me, I had very short
notice of my surgery date and I was so busy getting pre-op testing done and
setting everything else in order for the few days I would be gone, I really
didn't think too much about the risks involved at the last minute. Once
the surgery was over, I was truly amazed that I had actually gone thru with
it and I can't honestly say I would do it all over again, as many post-ops
claim they would. But, I am glad I had the surgery and I am feeling so much
better and I am happily loosing weight and I can look forward to a future,
which I didn't really have before. Only you can make the decision to have
WLS. It's your life!
— Susan M.
December 19, 2001
I knew I was going to die! I mean, I really KNEW it! Then, as I walked to
my pre-op holding room, I started crying and I so wanted to back out. I
even gave my instructions of whom to call when I die and what to give to my
4-year-old daughter (i.e, sell my new car, stocks, bonds, etc.) But, I
still went through it. Crying...yes. It was just too hard living my life
as heavy as I was. Not only on me, but it was hard on her too. Imagine my
surprise when I woke up in recovery. I couldn't believe I made it! I
lived! Thank God! I'm 3 months out and down 90 lbs and I'm so glad I did
this...it was worth the risk of "certain" death. You'll be fine.
But, you should always follow your guts!
— Kristin R.
December 19, 2001
I was so scared that i wasn't going to make it i didn't sleep for a week
before, I had to go and see a therapist to get me thru
all my pre op fears. I was crying all the way down the hall as they rolled
me in to the or. I felt very relieved when i knew i was awake and had made
it as they were getting ready to take me to recovery.
Sometimes i think i worried for nothing I just said a bunch of prayers and
put my trust in my surgeons hands. Now i am glad that i went thru with it i
am feeling healthier and stronger everyday. And when i get to a healthy
weight i will be able to have that baby i always wanted but i was so
heavy before i would have put both our lives in jeporady. I am so glad i
went thru with the surgery because if i kept going gaining weight like i
was i would have been on my death bed.
— [Anonymous]
December 19, 2001
I had the same fears! I read so many statistics that people over 500 lbs
are at such greater risks. My surgeon, my anesthesiologist, pulmonologist
and cardiologist.... all had me scared to death. I BEGGED my mother to
take the day off because I knew it'd be the last day of my life and I
didn't want her to regret not being there for me. I took my husband and
two of my best friends... We played Yahtzee and cut up in the pre-op room.
I knew if I was going to die I wanted them to remember me happy and having
fun. I had told everyone if I died in surgery, obesity had killed me and
not to blame the surgeon. I had explained to my oldest son whose only 6,
that if anything happened to Mommy Jesus would take care of him.. He knew
the song Jesus Loves the Little Children, so that made that talk so much
easier... </p> But I have 3 children, I was missing out on their
life because I couldn't play with them and do things with them that I
thought mommy's should do.. so I knew I had no choice... </p> But
this was for the most part internal! I kept it to myself.. I remember the
very first thing I heard when I came out of surgery made me laugh.. My
girlfriend who had just had this surgery in March grabbed my hand and said
Hunny, you're on your way to skinny now, you made it through surgery.. I
JUST had surgery on the 7th of December and I'm down 23.5 lbs, and I'd do
it again in a heartbeat.. What you're feeling is normal and you're not
alone, feel free to write if you need someone to talk to :)
— Elizabeth D.
December 19, 2001
I was so afraid before surgery. I had never had any surgery before. I did
a living will, healthcare power of attorney, and a regular will. I told my
parents about everything and what I wanted done in case something should
happen to me. I put all my affairs in order. I prayed a good bit. But
you know what? I woke up after surgery. I remember thinking how much it
hurts and then just being happy that I was awake and alive. I have a
greater appreciation for life now and what this surgery can do.
— [Anonymous]
December 19, 2001
Janice, You're a normal person with normal feelings. Don't worry about
having the negative thoughts but try to change that energy into positive
energy. I had my surgery on the 6th of December and when I was called into
the preop room I remember feeling very calm. I had prayed a lot and gotten
myself "right" with God in my own way but I really felt I was
doing the best thing I could for my health. I fell asleep before getting
to the OR and when I awoke had a slight pain on my abdomen and immediately
thanked God I was alive. You're young and healthy and have EVERYTHING
going for you. Try as much as you can to switch that negative energy into
positive thoughts about what you'll be able to accomplish once you are a
smaller you. God Bless!
— BettyBoopVA
December 19, 2001
Look at it from this perspective, there is a calculated risk with every
activity you do in common day life. Driving a car you have a risk of death
and its actually higher than this surgery. Slipping and falling in the
bathroom is another risk everyone on earth shares yet we still do it. I did
a lot of research and found no evidence the risk factor was any higher than
5% which is lower than a trip to the supermarket in a minivan.I am 3 wks
post, had no, as in none pain from the surgery ,except some trapped gas and
have lost 50 lbs. in 3 weeks.Not to be gross or anything but I can now
easily clean my back door if you know what I mean....You will be fine, have
a little faith. and be carefull on the drive to the hospital!!!Greg
— Greg S.
December 20, 2001
It's normal to have some doubts and fears before having any
major surgery. Only you can judge if what your feelings are
nornmal anxiety or irrational fear. If you truly aren't ready.
postpone the surgery and see a mental health professional.
— [Anonymous]
December 20, 2001
Hi: I know exactly how you feel. I have a 3 year old, and I thought for
sure I was going to die! However, I also knew I was NOT being the mommy I
could/should be. I somehow made it to surgery day...crying the entire trip
to the OR room. I would do it over again in a minute. I am almost 11
months out and down about 160 lbs!!! I can do so much more with my child
than before, I feel soooo much better. It was a right decision for me.
Good luck!!
— Karen A.
December 20, 2001
I cried and help my 2 boys the nite before. What else can you do? How
long will you live w/out WLS? you won't be around to enjoy their lives, I
think all of us w/ children go thru this, it's very real. Have you ever had
any other surgeries? I've had about 8-9 in my MO life and came out ok.
so why should this be any different. You'll be fine! Trust
in God. God Bless you!
— Cindee A.
December 21, 2001
I know it is a scary feeling -but would you feel this way if you had to
have some other kind of necessary surgery - say you had to have some kind
of heart surgery that you had no choice but to have - well, you would go in
and have it done with out a second thought - I felt the same way - but
decided, I was risking my life if I did not have the surgery just as much -
I was turned 28 on the day of my surgery 5-16-01 - today just over 7 months
later - I am down 107lbs - I feel totally great and can do many many things
that I could not do before the surgery - I feel much healtier and happier
now and I know I saved my life - it is all up to who you believe in - if
you let them show, there will be signs to guide you in the right direction
- everytime I doubted myself, something would happen that made me think I
was doing the right thing and it turned out to be true.........good luck:)
— Sharon Jones
December 24, 2001
I was also terrified but realized it was my salvation from a body that I
could not escape. I was more afraid of continued weight gain and more
comorbs developing.
— Lisa B.
December 25, 2001
Read my profile, I was SHOCKED to wake up in recovery! To help the fear
attend support group meetings, take a post op to dinner, look at the
positives! Socializing with post ops is the best way to overcome your
normal fear.
— bob-haller
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