It has been a While

Mar 18, 2024

Yikes it has been a whle since I have updated. Not a lot has been going on. I just am keeping on the journey. This is hard and it is frustrating, but also I have a sense of accomplishment. It is hard because I just still want to eat, and I cannot eat as much as I was used too. It is hard because you come out of this surgery still FAT. You have to lose all the weight. It is hard. It is frustrating because I do not see the weight loss. Others do, which is great. But it takes me a while to see it. My clothes still fit the same. I have not bought any new clothes, because I am nervous smaller sizes will not fit. UGH. I am just so ready to really see the change. I will be honest. I really thought I did not look as big as I was. Holy cow. I was huge. I know my family cared, I know they tried to help me. I really didnt think I was that BIG. Yikes. No wonder people did not come up to me. I was a cow.  I just keep looking at that damn photo. This photo was taken 2 days before my surgery. I will never go back. I do not have the choice. I want to healthy. I want to do stuff. I want to ride rides with my son, I want to buy cute clothes. I want my mom to buy me clothes. I want to wear a Large/ medium shirt. I am disguested by that photo. It is awful. I know I have accomplished so much in less then 3 months. I hate that photo. I HATE IT. I have lost 54 pounds and I feel good. i have so much more weight to lose. It is a journey. I have so much to be thankful for. I just feel so bad for getting this bad. I am doing the best that I can. I will not give up. I know this weight did not come on in days and months. I just wish it would fall off faster. I beyond embrassed that I looked like that. I am mortifed that I was that big. I will change. I am changing. I will never go back. 

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