... and so it begins

Mar 24, 2011

I've been fat for over 30 years (since I started pre-school). I started looking into surgery options around 2005, but between finances, insurance issues and, well, being scared of out my wits... yeah. In 2009, I went to a seminar given by a surgeon, who from all of my research looked great. I've spent years reading up on him from time to time and following people here on OH who used him to see and... today I met with him to take those first steps. I'll still be self-pay (darn insurance carriers so totally don't get the costs - between my CPAP machine, the blood pressure meds and everything else, I'm one expensive lady!). 

I'm still a little scared. What if I'm in that little bit that this doesn't work for? What if I finally lose all of this weight and then gain it all back (I swear, I've lost 2000 pounds in the past 20 years, over and over again)? What if something goes wrong? What if... what if... what if. 

I own my own business, so I'm also worried about that. My team is great and they'll cover for me, but I also have travel coming up. In order to not lose my mind, I'm opting to wait a couple of months. It will let me get the cash together and it's between big trips so I won't be trying to recover while trying to be all business like.

I know the surgery is 70% me and only 30% of the surgery. It's up to me to make it a success. I've been going to a trainer for almost 2 years. I walk and ride the stationary bike at home. I don't eat crap food (I just eat too much good food!) I have the tools and I have the willpower to utilize them. Now, I just need the extra tool to make it happen. I can do that. I know I can. I'm ready. It's my turn to gain my life back. I want to get off of my meds, off of the damned cpap machine. I want to run and play with my kids. I want to sit in a booth at a restaurant, for crying out loud!

I will say that I have my attitude going for me. I've always been a pretty happy person. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe that I make my own destiny. And this appears to be it...

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