Michelle_2975
Progress
Nov 06, 2011
I did it, I quit smoking. It is day 3 and man I am so bitchy this time around. I had to stop taking the Champix. It was making my belly burn. But I am not going to smoke again. I do not want bleeding ulcers. On Thursday I smoked my last smoke in the afternoon and was thinking about going to buy another pack and I started googling pics and info on ulcers. Anytime now, if I get the urge to light one up I will just remember the images I saw. I am also still trying to take back control of my eating. I am getting better and better every day. I am not drinking while eating unless I feel like I am going to choke if something is too dry and I am following the 30 min rule. I have bought some rtd shakes and when I feel like grazing I grab a shake. I bought some pure protein shakes from walmart. They are only 100 cals, 1g of sugar and 2g of fiber. It is a nice change of pace. i also still use my powder but only 1 scoop per day. Between the both I am getting 50-55g of protein from my drinks. I have mostly been staying away from the sweets. I am not perfect but I am doing so much better. It is harder yet at the same time easier than I thought it would be. I am glad that the Halloween treats were all gone today at work. I made sure to go grocery shopping this week and buy meat , cheese, jerky etc. I am trying when I get the urge to have something sweet to have some bread and butter pickles. it is kinda doing the trick. I have been very lazy in my house work lately too. Everything keeps getting in the way. Lately I have been very upset that my husband doesn't help me. I have been getting very angry with him lately. I wish I didn't get so mad. I have been asking him to help me and he doesn't at all! this week I am going to clean up so well that when he comes home and drops his shit on the floor I am going to have it out with him big time! I don't know if it is hormones or what but I have been so emotional lately. I don't want to leave the house but when I do I don't want to come home because so many things piss me off here. I can't even put it into words how I have been feeling. I got a major hair cut. It hasn't been this short since I was 8 years old. I think it is cute when it is done but it is high maintenance and I don't feel as pretty as I did when it was long. I know that it looks thicker and you cant tell that i have lost hair with it this way but I sure wish that every time I catch my reflection that I didn't have to look twice to see if it is really me.I have now lost 99lbs from my heaviest recorded weight. I am happy that I am happy that I am slowly but surely getting there. It can be frustrating when I hear how people who have gotten their surgery after my have lost more weight than me. I know that I have sabotaged myself many times. I wish that I had more restrictions. I do not like that i am starting to be able to puke up stomach contents when I have eaten too much. I know that I just have to stop. I don't puke up everything but just enough to settle my stomach. I have only done it under a half dozen times. I am trying o relearn what is too much for me. For a while I could really eat lots but I know that I was eating the wrong stuff. Now I am trying to eat all proteins and not much else unless it is veggies but I cant eat as much protein as I could shit foods and have been over doing it some meals. I have to remember not to take that extra bite. It seems like people get into this program and they don't have struggles with the diet. I cant after eating like shit for 36 years to be able to over night change my ways. It is a daily challenge. Some days I fail miserably and some days I do really good. I do not have to go back to work until Thursday night (joy, midnights) do i am going to be very careful with what I eat and how much I eat. I work many midnights in the next 2 weeks :(. The only good thing about work is that I am not by my fridge and I do eat much better. Then after these dreaded midnights I almost have 2 weeks off work. I really want to start exercising again. I haven't really done it consistently since before my wedding. I have to start caring again. I am going to the states in May. It is far away but I would love to be at my second goal weight by then. It is only 30 more pounds. I would love to be 139 when I go. I am wanting to shop until I drop :)
i have been having some issues with one of my friends. Her attitude is changing towards me. I feel like I am so far away from being skinny yet I feel like sometimes she mocks me about it. She even told me that I can't talk like a fat chick anymore. Please. I am always going to like food and just like her. I am going to have to deal with food addictions. Just like her.
Well I guess I am done bitching about shit for now, 'Till next time...
Peace.
