10 Weeks

Mar 27, 2011

Me and How I Feel Towards GBS.

I am thrilled that I have dropped weight and that my diabetes is in remission. I also miss my favourite foods. I have ate things that are probably not on my "plan". I do not have any problems with eating different foods, or maybe I just don't know how to listen to my stomach. I don't really feel bad when I do try different foods. I make sure to keep them in proper calorie and serving ranges. Although I haven't been following my NUT's recommendations, I keep losing weight. I do wonder if I was to follow a plan if my weight lost would be quicker, but then I think, almost everyone thinks that they are a slow loser and majority of then are not. I figure as long as the scale keeps moving downwards, I am doing good.

I saw some people that I haven't seen since before I went for surgery this weekend. It was nice to get compliments from them about my weight loss. It can be hard to see it in myself sometimes but it is getting easier, about 10lbs ago I started to be able to tell that I have lost weight. I look in the mirror and am able to finally see the old me. I was never skinny but I was smaller when I was younger than what I was pre-op.  A neighbour of mine has put on some weight and gave me her too small clothes for mine that are too big. It was an awesome feeling for me. Probably not as great for her but she was really happy to have dress pants that fit. The greatest part for me was when I got home and some of her pants were too big. I have never had clothes that were from someone that were too big. Always too small.

Right now for me I feel I am in the part of the journey that is all about the scale.  I weigh myself almost every day. I get onto that Wii Fit and weigh myself. It is just too exciting not to weigh myself. I have always weighed myself daily before surgery. The times in my life that I didn't weigh myself as often I have put on weight. I love seeing the needle move down. I can't wait until that needle goes far enough down to wear size large tops. I have always wore my tops big and I want to feel comfortable in a size large. They still look quite small to me. I also can't wait to be able to spend such little money on such nice clothes. I was telling my husband Homer that I am going to have so many clothes. I can't wait. I know it is suppose to be about feeling better but I just really want to be able to wear certain styles of clothes and look great. I debate about getting plastics after I am done losing but if I look how I want to in clothes I don't think that I will get any. I don't really care about how I will look naked. I have never looked good naked so why should I expect to after losing weight.

One thing that I am not proud of is that fact that I have been smoking a little more than usual. Not like how much I used to smoke but more than normal.  I am going to have to cut back a bit.

So I have been keeping up with my exercising. I will say that I didn't have too high of expectations for exercise so it was easy to reach my goal. Most days, lol. I finally got see what fun Zumba looks like when I was at the pool the other day. Next week rather than going to my Aqua fitness class I am going to try Zumba. I know that I am not going to be able to keep up fully, but I hope that I can keep moving for that long. The one thing that looks promising to me is that they have water breaks. I figure that even if I can't keep up in the beginning I know that eventually I will be able to do it and that the lower my weight gets the healthier I will be and the easier to do the class. Also knowing that i will be starting off as the fattest person there, but i will not be leaving the fattest there gives me the confidence to be able to go to the class. I hate always being the fattest person in a room.

Keeping on the subject of things that I hate, I hate being the biggest person in the room. I can't wait until that days comes when I am not the fattest person in the room. For me, that will be a major NSV for me. What seems like for the longest time I am always the fatty in the crowd. I don't want to be that person anymore. I am done with it. When I was gaining the last 40lbs it was really hard on me. I was battling depression, (a battle that I feel that I won), and rapid weight gain, and I just couldn't give a fuck about it I was feeling so bad about myself.  I have always gained my weight during stressful periods in my life. Last summer was the first year I went back home for my holidays without going on a diet first. Every other year I would take some Xenical and loose about 25-35lbs before going home. Then I would come home and gain it back plus about 5-7lbs. I did that for 3 years running. I put on 17-18lbs in those 3 years.  But I would feel good going home having just lost some weight. I felt like it gave me more confidence. For now, the more I loose the more confidence I gain.

My other major NSV will be being able to keep my house cleaner. I have chronic back pain. It does limit what I do. It is one healthy reason why I chose WLS. When I was 10, a friend of mine and I fell off his horse. He landed right on top of me. I have had issues with my back since. I wish that my family doctor would have taken better care of my back. I am not saying that he wasn't a good doctor, I liked him very much, but it was sure easier to get pain meds for it than go on the waiting list for physiotherapy. I can't wait until I have lost enough weight so that my back doesn't ache almost 24/7. Standing at the kitchen sink makes it hurt and sweeping and mopping. I just vacuum the house and use the Swifter, but I am really starting to not like it. I know that I can get the floors looking so much better if I would just use a mop. I really need to get the Romba vacuum, then I would only have to mop, maybe.  I wonder if the dogs would attack it.

Well I guess I should start getting supper together. I really need to cook things on the weekend and package it for the next week. I think that I will start that next weekend, gives me a week of planning for what is healthy for me and easy to make. I am not exactly the iron chef :)

Mich

0 Comments