Getting focused

Aug 07, 2015

I feel like I have gotten my second wind. I started off really really excited about the possibility of surgery. I was sad that I had to wait the 6 month insurance approval timeframe but was willing to do anything. After a few appointments I started to feel dismay. Not that I was getting bad news or anything, but I just felt disconnected. The surgery is still so far off and I felt like I was losing momentum. Something had to change, and it finally did. I first, made a change in my grocery shopping. Fruit, Greek Yogurt and Baked chicken breast have become my daily diet. I bought a food scale and got batteries for my weight scale. Now I am weighing myself daily and keep looking in the mirror hoping to see a change. 

I feel like I am saying the long goodbye to myself. I look at my arms, my stomach, my thighs and keep thinking, "you're not going to be around much longer." At the same time, it's only August. I'm not even 3 months into my 6 month holding pattern. I don't want to lose momentum again. I'm already behind in everything. I haven't worked out enough. I am not writing down everything I eat. I should've been doing 10X more years ago..and now I have to figure it all out right away and implement it ASAP just so I don't have complications during and after surgery. I keep dreaming that they can't do the surgery because I didn't lose enough weight or because they realize I have undiagnosed medical conditions. 

I need this to be successful. I need to finally be comfortable in my body. I want this so badly. I need this. 

2 Comments