Lowered Expectations

Dec 17, 2012

I had my follow-up with Dr. Acosta this past Friday.    I truly dreaded this appointment, as I know I have not met any of his goals for me, thus far.  My eating has been OKAY most of the time, but the little bit of bad days, have totally thrown my weight loss out the window. 

I thought I had probably gained a couple of pounds since my last visit in August, but it turned out to be FIVE FREAKING POUNDS!!  That is quite a bit.....it takes a lot for me to lose 5 pounds.    I weighed in at 182 on his scales.  It was 179.9 on my own that morning. 

The NUT reviewed my eating log and declared I wasn't eating enough.  *sigh*  Seriously?  I know that isn't true.  I had a few days where my calories were over 1,000 and then some days around 700 or so.  I just think my body needs ULTRA low calories to be able to lose.  The problem with that is I can hardly ever stick to low calories.....I am talking below 800 every single day. 

She also said my protein intake was too low.  I had eliminated my protein shake a couple of months ago to save on calories and carbs, but now I am not getting quite enough protein.  She was pleased, for the most part, on my carb counts.  She suggests 60 a day.  So, I finished up with her and waited on Dr. Acosta.

I could tell he was disappointed with me.  That hurt quite a bit.  He is a good man and has helped me out quite a bit.  I don't want to let him down.  I told him about every angle I am trying and approaching to lose my weight.  I am seeing the endocrinologist NP, and will be starting therapy soon. 

He kind of seemed at a loss as to what to tell me.  I talked to him about the calorie amounts and he agreed that it would be okay if I went super low with my calories as long as I added in a protein shake and kept my protein numbers up.  He then lowered his expectations for me. 

This was hurtful and a relief, all at the same time.  He set his sites on me getting down to 157, which would be at a 50% EWL.  This means losing 25 more pounds.  The lowest I accomplished with the band was 152, so I know it's totally doable.  I was actually VERY happy at that weight.  So, he basically reset his goal for me to match what I already had in mind.....but the fact that he lowered his expectation on what HE thought I could accomplish really kind of stung.  I left my appointment feeling like a failure.  Dr. Acosta and his staff were kind to me and never once said anything inappropriate.......I just know I let him down and am letting myself down, as well.  *sigh*

My next appointment will be in June.  I have 6 months in front of me and I am betting on me.  Yes, I am still on my own timeline, but I feel I am close to getting it all together.  Have a great week, everyone!

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