LittleMissSunshine
The Obligatory Husband Vent
Jun 27, 2011
As wonderful as my husband is, there are some things he just doesn't understand and probably never will.
Take, for example, 3pm on the day before my scheduled (but not completed) lapband surgery when I got the call from the surgeon's office letting me know that the operation I was planning on having in 16 hours and had been preparing for over the past month may not happen. It could have, if I wanted to go with a surgeon I'd never met, but if I wanted my surgeon, I'd need to wait another 3-4 weeks while the shoulder he just dislocated healed.
In that moment when I saw the choice in front of me, I didn't know what to do and told the woman on the phone I'd call her back with a decision within the hour. I put the phone down and started sobbing; the emotional dam of everything riding on this surgery broke loose and I wasn't going to stop it.
My husband, who was already annoyed with me for some trivial bullshit reason (as is typically the case given the quarter inch fuse on his temper), walks in to the kitchen on his way out to work, sees me a mess and rather than softening and asking what's wrong, he freaks the fuck out because he thinks I'm crying over his recent gruffness. When I explain he has nothing to do with it and what that phone call was, he gets annoyed again because he sees this little bump in the road as not a big deal and nothing to cry over.
Yeah.
Then there was the time when, after jumping through all the hoops to get the VSG, I got a rejection letter from my insurance provider, despite having been told not once, but TWICE that it's a covered proceedure. The tears that came while reading that letter made no sense to him either; I shouldn't be getting sad, I should be getting mad! I should start writing my appeal letter now. I should go apeshit on them. I should... I should... I should...
Thanks, hon... you let me know what I should feel and how I should react and I'll just pull that emotion right out of the rolodex so that everything I do will be in line with your perception of the world and how people should behave in it.
I get that boys are socialized differently and some guys grow up with very little understanding or know-how when it comes to dealing when women (or anyone, for that matter) are showing extreme emotions, but Jesus Christ! We've been together 11 years, you'd think he'd learn something about it by now! And yes, I have told him point blank that when I'm upset or crying that I don't need his criticism, I need his support. I know he's just trying to be helpful, but telling me what I'm feeling and how I'm reacting is somehow wrong, misguided, inappropriate, etc. doesn't fix the problem... it only makes me feel like I'm inferior, abnormal, broken, etc.
Again, not helpful.
What would be helpful is if he'd just STFU with the judgements and advice long enough to let me just vent. Why is it so hard for men to understand, all you have to do is say, "Honey, what's wrong?" and then just nod and look concerned while she talks? Just do that and you'll be fine, guys! Don't try to tell her anything unless she asks for your opinion... just let her talk.!
*sigh* Glad I got that off my chest.
This started to be a post about how my stall is refusing to give up, but it took another path... I guess I needed it to. The connection there is that when I told him I was frustrated at having been stalled for the past 15 days, he didn't understand how I could be frustrated when I knew that just about everyone runs into a 3 week stall. Apparently in his world, if you know something suck ass is on its way, you can't be miffed at the suck-assyness of the situation when it arrives.
Go figure.
